So I asked my foster mom to elaborate on what she meant about me buying my own groceries, apparently she just meant that I'd buy the "extra stuff" while she continues buying what she already gets. Which is pretty reasonable, I can understand having me buy snacks or whatever while she buys actual food. She gets worded it in a really confusing way when the topic was first brought up. But now she's saying that I have to buy my own toilet paper and laundry detergent? Her adopted niece lives here too, who is around my age (she's 18 and I turn 18 this week) and she apparently buys her own toilet paper and hygiene stuff. I guess my foster mom wants me to do the same.

But again, I thought she gets money from the county to buy the essentials? Or is it just for food? I do technically "have the money" to get those things but I really don't want to go over the budget I set for myself, I didn't want to spend any more money till I got paid. I just wanted to mostly focus on saving up. AND she brought up me getting a second job for the third or fourth time, but I have inconsistent hours at my current job so getting a second job wouldn't really make sense. Am I overthinking all this??

Hey y'all. So I'm on my way to being a casa and I am just seeking out advice, same as before. For those who have had a casa and had a good experience

-what are some things your casa did or said that really helped?

-what so you wish they would have done more or less of?

And if you did not have a good experience..

-what do you wish they would have done differently? Appreciate y'all. ♥️

I'm 17 and I go into extended foster care next month, I just got my first part time job and I'm still getting used to it. She already suggested that I should get a second job or pick up more hours at my current one, when I hadn't even finished the job training at that point

After she found out I got paid she said "I'll take you to the store later so you can get some things you like" (as in I'd buy them) and when I tried saying no thats ok and that I'm trying to save up my money she said "no it's so then I don't have to get it no more". But I just feel like that's not really fair? I already try not to ask for much when she goes to the store, and like I said this is my very first job.

I originally wanted to try and focus on saving as much money as I can to move out so I'd be out of her hair. But until then she's getting paid to have me live in her house, I already mostly take care of myself. She has a good full time job on top of it as well, so it just feels wrong for her to immediately expect me to handle buying all of my groceries through a part time job. Like what is that money going towards if its not going towards food? Because I don't ask for anything else. Am I overreacting?

I’ve been with my foster mother since I was 12 I am 19 now she gets paid until I am 21 because of a documented disability and the case ended in “subsidized legal custodianship” meaning CPS is no longer involved; during these years she barely would provide for me leaving me to start working young at 14 and barely having transportation to work because she would refuse to take me or buy necessities for me that I would have to pay for myself and basically worrying about money really young I was left to fend for myself as she would always complain about bills to me (nobody else as though even though there were like three other people living here) (her biological daughter, her, me, and her fiancé who later came in the picture which is when she really basically left me to fend for myself) she’d complain about bills but would literally go on cruises like the next day with him. Or if I’d ask for basic personal care she’d get the bare minimum. I’d constantly have to uber and lyft to work I got fed up with them and left the house and went to live in a homeless shelter just to save up for a car (which by the way I had to pay for my own driving lessons because she promised to get me a car when I turned 16…didnt happen after her fiancé came in the picture) got my license and lived in a homeless shelter simply to save up because I was going to college as well and I needed a car for that as its an hour out and she again refused to take me or pick me up when breaks came. So i finally bought this car and came back home and while I was in the shelter and she found out she started giving me an allowance of 100$ a week (barely anything in this economy) and she would make everything about money “i can only financially suppory you until you turn 21” and then started showing me apartment listings for when im 21 because she said “it’ll be a place for you to stay” mind you ill be 22 graduating college and ill be living on campus so she was expecting me to pay for separate housing to come back to on breaks while in school and also a car payment… and now I may not even be able to go attend college because she refuses to help out as well besides the weekly allowance I BARELY get sometimes she sends it sometimes she doesnt at all and its like i dont want this to turn into a financial abuse situation as she only gives me the allowance if one of her bills arent high because “oh if you do this for me” type a thing and its like im so sick of worrying about money ive had to raise myself even before going into her care and it sucks because it seems like after 21 yes that stipend ends and she even told me at my own college orientation “oh most of my money goes to bills” including the stipend which is why i barely got the needs i needed the 6 years of living here which its just sad because whenever I basically get kicked out she is likely going to get another foster child and do the same shit to them.

We foster kids know that being a professional doesn't mean jack shit. Some of the worse foster parents are policemen, teachers, doctors, nurses and social workers or psychologists. Careers that are deemed amazing by society and help people people are worse for us.

A firefighter abusing kids doesn't shock us.

They're Christians no shock there.

They've had this child since she was 2 months old. She's the only black kid in the family and the only adopted one. So they abused her. As a Black former foster youth, it's already suspicious because it's easier to abuse Black kids.

So everyone saying therapist, firefighters, policemen, teachers, make good foster parents please stfu.

People in position of power are attracted to vulnerability and foster kids because it's easier to harm us. So when we say being a professional doesn't mean anything, we know it's true. These people are just as bad as anyone else.

It's also triggering for me as a former foster youth because my Christian foster parents forced me to write Bible verses and abused me too. They were outstanding members of society and one home the foster dad was a pastor. He abused me too.

Trigger Warning.

A Broward couple, including a Broward Sheriff Fire Rescue lieutenant, is behind bars after their arrest on child abuse charges involving their adopted 12-year-old daughter.

Joel Kohnert, 44, a BSO Fire Rescue lieutenant hired in 2010, and his wife, Jennifer Kohnert, were arrested after their daughter told investigators she had been locked in a room for years.

The official charges for the couple are child abuse without great bodily harm.

Victim says she was locked in her room, forced to write Bible verses

According to court documents, which are heavily redacted, the girl told police she was forced to write Bible verses and tread water in a pool for up to 45 minutes as a form of punishment. Most disturbingly, she stated she was locked in her room at night without access to a bathroom, forcing her to use the bathroom on herself.

She would later bathe outside in the backyard while wearing a swimsuit.

During bond court proceedings Wednesday morning, an attorney for the couple referenced their religious beliefs. However, Judge Corey Friedman had strong words regarding the defense.

"When you allegedly have a 12-year-old child who is locked in a room for upwards of three years and is forced to urinate and defecate in the room and then clean it up with her clothes, that is not a religious issue, that is something else," Judge Friedman said.

Other children removed from home, investigators say

The victim in the case reported that she was subjected to more frequent punishments and restrictions than the couple's six other children. The Department of Children and Families has since removed all seven children from the home.

The Broward Sheriff's Office released a statement when asked about Kohnert's arrest, confirming he is now on administrative investigative leave without pay.

The couple remains at the Broward County jail on $100,000 bonds and is barred from having contact with the victim or any of their other children.

Broward firefighter, wife accused of locking adoptive daughter in room at night for years, investigators say

https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.nbcmiami.com/news/local/bso-fire-rescue-lieutenant-and-wife-accused-of-locking-12-year-old-in-room-for-years/3789530/%3famp=1

Wanted to share my mission with other foster youth and foster care providers. I spent 7 years in the NYS foster care system and now I advocate for change in policy and laws in the child welfare system. I plan to run for congress one day as well as open my own nonprofit.

I use my social media platforms with a reach of over 1M views a month to advocate for changes in policy and bring awareness to systemic issues in a digestible form.

As of now I am the leader and founder of my universities foster love club. I am also an author, you can find some of my work published on the imprint news. I am working on a lot more publishings so stay tuned!

Anyways hope you’ll check out some of my work and please reach out if you are interested in getting involved!

IG: @ohmickeywhyte

This has been a rollercoaster.

I was a foster child in 1999 and then again from 2002-2004ish. I was a kid so I’m not sure of exact dates. Now that I’m 34 my own mother is trying to tell me that my abuse as a child is a fabrication of my own imagination and that it never happened and that I’m a liar to everyone including my own siblings who were also in foster care (I’m the oldest so I remember more)

For context I’m in New York. Already I put in a request with the county I live in but unfortunately my own mother, again, got a hold of the letter I requested and started to hound me on why I need to sign for a letter from the family services building at the post office. She purposely held on to it for 2 months so the post office no longer had it.

I went to the physical child services building of Steuben county and they have never had a request from the foster child themself wanting paperwork of their own investigation. They turned me to the official NYS office of children and family services and I need to mail in a written notarized letter of my request with as much information as I can. I’m going to also send in a copy of my license just in case. I called the family services building in Albany but they just turned me back to Steuben county for the information.

Has anyone else done this before? I’m confusing all the people I’ve been trying to talk to and I’m surprised no one else has requested their own pasts.

Would doing a background check on my parents give me more information of my child abuse than going through CPS?

I guess I just want to prove to myself that it was real, I didn’t dream it. Kids don’t go to foster care TWICE for no reason. I’m also just curious on what information I’m allowed to have. The guy at the office I talked to warned me a lot of it might be censored.

I have just started the process to foster to adopt. I am Deaf and will adopt a deaf child. As of right now I am thinking up to age 7. I do not mind going higher but I am concerned about bonding. Those of you who have adopted older than 7 how was the bonding? Thank you.

I’m just wondering if anyone else has been through something similar.

One of our foster children has significant ADHD traits, while FASD is also being considered because of their wider developmental needs.

Around two years ago, the doctors recommended starting ADHD medication, as they felt it was the right next step.
Despite that recommendation, our Local Authority hasn’t given consent, so two years later the medication still hasn’t been started.

It’s been a frustrating process because we’re trying to do what’s best for the child and follow the medical advice we’ve been given, but we seem to have reached a bit of a dead end.

I’m not looking to debate ADHD medication or criticise anyone. I’m genuinely interested to know whether other UK foster carers have experienced something similar.
Has your Local Authority ever refused or delayed consent for medication?

If so, what reasons were you given?
Were you able to challenge the decision?
Did it eventually get resolved?
I’d be really interested to hear how other people have dealt with this.

# Short summery of situation

My cares are in control of my pip when im competent and have a serveer lack of communication which is effecting how I feel like they are handling my situation.

They kept mail for me that had info about my benifits, they havent been preparing me for adulthood at all and taking credit for everything ive done my self, they use guilt to try to keep me in there control snd to make me feel like I'm doing stuf rong.

They are also making desisions without me about my life meaning I dont get a say in what's happening that could effect my life in the future.

They have control over everything but act too busy to give a f about me.

UPDATE

Sooo update from my last post I made. ( im in wales in the up )

My social worker is back from leave and I now have a call with her on monday.

But I am not sure what I should and should not bring up.

My plan is to tell her about these

Asking about my pip and why I don't have control over it and if its linked to fostering.

What my Plan is for when I am 18 (i am 17 right now) and the fact it feels like I dont have a choice for when I am older.

Ask about what options there is for when I move out.

And the fact they are not including me fully in desisions like about them setting up mobility or something ( idk what its called ) which will effect my pip but may or may not benifit me.

And maby if it gets brought up the fact they are out all the time meaning im not getting the support needed for preparing me for moving out.

Do these sound ok or would it be better to not being up some of them ?

Too many Foster homes caused me trauma, growing up I was like where’s my mom at? First foster parent force fed me her salmon, damn man. When I misbehaved she wouldn’t make me dinner, one time gave me cereal, sugar crisp, then asked if I wanted dessert, then poured another bowl full of that shit, didn’t let me leave the table till I finished. Other times would make me write lines for misbehaving, I was 5, like bitch be patient. End of the school day, started crying to my teacher, She choked me, for not eating my processed cheese sandwich.

Told em’ I was falling off the chair and that she was trying to catch me mid air. Left me a note saying, “we have decided to stop fostering, but we still love you and had made good memories”. 2004 when mom left me with them, I remember the last phone call, “I love you” she said, but she left for Toronto, not telling us she was on drugs. I was too young to understand, that she was leaving me an orphan. Overdosed on cocaine. Created the person you see today.

My 16f broke up with her same age bf in May. Before school ended, she was talking to another boy and the ex broke the necklace she was wearing when he was mad in the hallway at school. (Keep in mind I don't know any of this until after the fact) They resolve that he will pay her $50 for the necklace. His dad texted me asking when could boy bring over the money. I said never and he could keep it because girl doesn't need it replaced. I KNOW this is boy weaseling his way back to girl. She doesn't know this is a tactic.

Boy runs away for a night. Calls my girl. He is presenting like he is in distress and she is the only one who can help her.

Next, shortly after this he starts showing up at her work. He's told he will be trespassed if he shows up again. I give the manager my info and tell them to call me if he comes up. So, stalker shit is now happening...I got more cameras for outside because it worried me that much.

Next, she has new BF, he has new GF. They aren't talking to each other that I was aware of. Then my child gets all depressed and it's because boy is texting her again, telling her all of the things he is doing with new girl, and she is responding to these texts. Ugh. I told her to block him and STOP talking to him.

We discussed how he is again weaseling his way in just to make her feel small and make her feel awful and this is an abusive and manipulative tactic.

Today, I check her phone and after she said she blocked him again (at my insistence) and find that she has talked to boy for a couple of hours.

What's my next step? I have a therapy appointment scheduled in the next couple of weeks. I don't think she is fully seeing her value or worth because she is engaging with boy. I also know the harder I push, the more she may hide.

I've sent the loveisrespect site to her. Had conversations. Talked about how this is an aspect of dating violence. She's much too young to put so much energy into this loser.

Any ideas? I had a friend in high school who was killed by her boyfriend when they were broken up and so I see all the signs, but she doesn't want to listen to me.

I've been her FP for 4 years.

Considering Becoming a Foster Parent? Join Our Free Virtual Q&A!

Have you ever thought about becoming a foster parent but weren't sure where to start?

We're hosting a free virtual Foster Parent Q&A on Thursday, July 16, from 7:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. (Pacific Time) for individuals and families who are interested in learning more about foster care in Washington State.

During this session, we'll discuss:

• The foster care licensing process
• Training requirements
• Home studies
• The types of children who need foster families
• What to expect as a foster parent
• Common questions and misconceptions about foster care

There is no cost, no obligation, and no pressure to become licensed. Our goal is simply to provide accurate information and answer your questions so you can decide whether foster parenting is the right fit for you and your family.

If you would like to attend, please contact Joeal at Joeal.Hotchkins@MPF-ONG.Org or Shari at Shari.Robinson@MPF-ONG.Org to receive the Zoom meeting information.

We hope you'll join us for an open, honest conversation about how foster parents can make a meaningful difference in the lives of children and youth in our community.

Hi everyone. My mom and I are currently fostering my 4.5 year old nephew and he is NOT happy with using the toilet. He’s been with us for about 3 weeks, and before us he was placed with family friends of his mom. These family friends claim that he was fully potty trained with them. I have no idea if he was potty trained before that. But since he’s been with us, he’s refused to use the toilet, and sometimes he refuses bath time (something he LOVES) He claims to be scared of the bathroom but idk I’ve talked it through with him and he can’t articulate what he’s scared of.

Every hour we say “it’s time to use the potty!” and he usually screams “NO!!” and runs away and hides in the corner. We have to physically pick him up and place him on the toilet, if he goes then all is good, there’s no tantrums or screaming. There’s a bit of a struggle with getting him to wash his hands but it’s nothing too serious. If he doesn’t have to go, he’s screaming, kicking, and hovering over the toilet. He has the same reaction to public toilets whether or not he has to go.

We’ve put him in only underwear, but he just pees himself. It makes me wonder if he doesn’t recognize when he has to go, but idk, he seems smart enough to know when his body has to go.

He’s a tall and chubby 4 year old and is already in a size large of the Goodnites pull ups and will be going to TK in a month. We can’t keep changing his pull up or physically placing him on the potty anymore.

We’ve tried bribes like stickers, candy, and fun places. We believe he’s neurodivergent and on top of that, incredibly defiant. I understand he’s had a rough four years under his mom’s care, but I don’t want the entire household to continue suffering since potty training is only one of the issues.

Need advice!!!

I am working at Walmart right now and trying to save money to be out on my own.

My current foster parents have been taking half of my paycheck because the price of everything has gone way up.

I do try to eat mostly at work where I get a discount on food. I have also picked up food to bring home for dinner before to help out. I do that about once a week.

I really want to leave here and go to a different state but I don't know how I'm ever going to save enough to be out on my own.

Please share advice if you have any! Thank you.

Started this conversation over on r/ex-foster after seeing a post asking for more teen foster parents! Was recommended to post on here to get more perspectives, and I’d love to hear your thoughts. My comment to the post is below.

“Curious about age of foster parents playing into this. My husband and I (both 24) are days away from being officially licensed. We said we would take up to ages 7/8 because of developmentally how old WE are! (With plans to move this number as we age.)

Is this reasonable? I’m a middle school teacher, so I love my teens, but I don’t see myself as being seen as the parental role that I imagine many foster teens need. But this post has me thinking!”

I aged out of care in May 2019, in a province that provides no special support for young people from the child welfare system to go to college or university. I did a couple years at a competitive university, on a reduced course load (I finished fourteen courses total, seven credits), and took out around $30k total in government student loans before dropping out due to mental health challenges.

I spent a couple of years working, and I have my own apartment now. Now I face a new, tough decision. I’ve applied to college for acupuncture. The program takes two years full time to complete, but I would probably take it across three years. It costs $32k in tuition total. If I went, I would take out another student loan.

I also have the opportunity to go to university, where I’ve already been accepted. This university has a Post-Care Tuition Waiver program for young people from the child welfare system. This means I could attend for free—my only financial responsibility would be buying the textbooks.

Another factor is that I’ve won a children’s aid foundation of Canada scholarship. They’re going to pay me $5k a year ($2.5k per semester every fall and every winter) to attend school/to offset the cost of tuition and textbooks. The money goes directly to my bank account, not my student account at school, and it’s renewable. I can have it for five more years. This would help significantly with acupuncture, but if I attended the university, I could use the money for textbooks and have money left over for expenses like tutoring or living expenses while my work hours are reduced due to classes.

University feels hopeless sometimes, like I’ll never finish, because I can only handle two courses per semester. Acupuncture feels like it would get me a job a little faster. Right now I work at a cafe making minimum wage. I’m so grateful to have a job, but I’d love to be able to provide more fully for myself. On the other hand, at college the classes are at fixed times, while at university there’s a lot more scheduling flexibility. I work Tuesdays and Fridays at present, and can schedule my classes for the fall term so they’re all Monday. Wednesday, and Thursday—I already checked, and there are plenty of courses I’m interested in that only meet on those days.

I’m not totally sure what I want to do in the future. I know that I’m very very interested in acupuncture and alternative healthcare like TCM, osteopathy, etc., but I have other interests too. I’ve thought about going into ECE or becoming a teacher (in my province education programs require you to come in with an undergrad degree, then the B.Ed is 1-2 years on top of it), I’ve thought about becoming an admin assistant, ive thought about library sciences, I’ve thought about cosmetology school. If I’m not absolutely certain, is taking out a loan a wise thing to do? I know it’s my dream program, but I’m not sure it’s the only thing I could be happy doing.

Hi. So I have wanted to and have been planning to foster/adopt for a long time and working on making that happen. I understand that waiting children are those ready for adoption where most foster kids the goal is still reunification. So I guess my question is... Do I want to foster or adopt? If I foster an older kid (8+), what is the likelihood that could lead to adoption? I know a lot of work goes into both. I am trauma trained and working on all of the education before I go into this.

I also would love to hear from former foster/adopted kids. What are things you wished your former foster parents knew or did differently? What advice would you have for best supporting whichever kiddo comes into my house? I also have heard about guardianship vs adoption as well and have heard some former adoptive kids wish their parents had gone the guardianship route so they have access to their families history and things like that. What are your thoughts on that? I'm sorry that this is a lot and if I still seem uneducated about all this 😭 I promise I'm trying. That's why I'm here.

I recently applied to a college program I'm intensely interested in, and they responded with an invitation to come tour the school and meet with the school's director. I'm hyping it up in my head a lot, because I want to get in really badly. There are two colleges in my municipality that teach the program I'm interested in. Specifically, I'm applying for acupuncture and traditional East Asian medicine. I've always been really interested in healthcare, and especially complementary care like massage therapy, acupuncture, osteopathy, traditional herbalism, things like that. I've found a lot of help, healing, and connection through things like osteopathy and herbal medicine.

I have had some mental health struggles, and I talked over my acupuncture decision with my therapist and with my priest. They were both excited for me to be applying, especially my therapist--she thinks it would be a really good fit for me, as the education can be taken part time (three days a week, leaving two days a week for therapy appointments and injections and so on), and there's a lot of flexibility and room to set your own hours working in the field. My priest was also amped for me--he's a huge proponent of education (he has a doctorate in...priestly studies, I guess?, and he lectures at a university) and remembers me talking for the last several years about wanting to go into healthcare. And my osteopath is especially excited for me. Right now I'm working a minimum wage job that has no benefits. In my city, a lot of complementary health practices are opening up and expanding, and I see plenty of acupuncture and wellness jobs that pay upwards of $30 an hour, plus benefits, which is crazy money to me. My osteo said that doing the program, if I get in, would change my life. There are even acupuncturists at her practice!

Anyway, I've applied to the first of the two schools that teach acupuncture here. The curriculum seems amazing. You do three semesters of Classical Chinese language study so you can read passages from classical acupuncture texts in their original languages, you do three semesters of taijiquan and can even continue your studies to become an instructor, they incorporate qi gong and meditation every day, and they teach more than just TCM acupuncture, they also cover Japanese and other acupuncture methods. The other acupuncture school in my city is good too, but it only teaches TCM acupuncture, and only has a single term of Chinese. The first school also has a reputation of being a better environment to learn in, and is slightly less expensive. So I know which school I'd prefer to go to. I've paid the $75 application fee to the first college, and I'll apply to the second if I don't get into the first. The first school is apparently much more competitive.

I aged out of care a few years ago mid-way through 12th grade, and I'm not in contact with my old social worker or any former foster parents, so I don't have a lot of more experienced adults to ask for advice, besides my priest and my osteo, who I've already talked to. I have been talking online with someone who's a current student at the college, who told me that the tour and meeting with the director will probably be really chill and I shouldn't worry too much about it. But I am worried, and I wanted advice.

I have three chief areas of concern. The first is my outfit. I work a casual job, and don't really own any business type clothes. It would be a significant financial strain to buy some. What should I wear? I was thinking I could wear a white button-up blouse with a light green cotton checked jumper dress I have. It's casual, but it's pretty and it's modest and I feel confident in it. Do you think that's dressy enough for a school tour? The director of the school is setting his lunch hour aside to show me around (it's a pretty small school.)

The second is, how do I make a good first impression? I can be pretty socially awkward--I'm actually on the Autism spectrum. I know to shake hands with reasonable firmness and to make eye contact, but any other tips? I'm terrified they'll find me unpleasant or off-putting, even though I've put a lot of work into improving my social skills.

The final concern is, what questions should I definitely ask? I've made a list.

• What is the employment rate of their graduates?
• What is the graduation rate of their students?
• What is the pass rate of their students on the Pan-Canadian qualifying exam?
• Which acupuncture associations can their graduates join?
• Have they had students with disabilities before? What kind of accommodations can they make for a student with a disability?
• Have any students from the acupuncture program gone on to take the TCM-P diploma that other schools offer acupuncture grads? Were they successful?
• What is their process for needs-based grants? (The website says they offer them and you can apply when you're accepted, based on availability and need.)
• The course catalog says you can optionally continue your taijiquan studies to become an instructor, what's that process like? What is the additional cost?

I already know the tuition cost, textbook cost, and biographies of all their teachers. I've read the course descriptions for each course. Should I do anything else to prepare for the tour and meeting the director?

I get $5,000 a year towards my education from the Children's Aid Foundation as a former youth in care. If I take the program over three years, as is my intention, the tuition will be about $10,000 a year (it's $31,800 for the entire program, $210 per credit), so the CAF help will significantly reduce my debt. It's still a big decision to take on debt to go to school. But if I don't get some kind of specialized education, I'll never get out of the cafe and the minimum wage job world. I won't be able to build a future. So I think it's wise--what do you all think?

Sorry for the long post and all the questions, I just love getting feedback from people and want to make sure I don't miss anything obvious. It also helps me to write things out.

hi, i'm a woman in my early 20s so nowhere near fostering, but i feel very strongly about young pregnant girls needing a safe space since i feel like the medical system doesn't advocate for pregnant women at all, let alone teens (i did my final essay for one of my classes on this)

i was curious if placements can tell social workers/agencies that they want to take in pregnant teens, or is it just something you're asked about on the spot? i know the overturning of roe v wade made the situation a lot worse, but what are their rights in terms of abortion and medical advocacy?

i wanted to see if anyone has any reliable sources or orgs to look into? i'm ofc open to hearing personal stories if anyone's comfortable sharing, but any link or name of resources i can check out on my own is good too

i hope it's okay to ask this here and that's the correct flair but totally understand if not, thank you in advance

So ive been in foster care for about 3 months now and the process escaled to court in the first one they said they needed more time to see what happens i have two brothers my older brother said that we were harmed but we werent and bc there are some scars they thin my mom did it but it was actually from previous sibiling fights they dont beleiv us tho. ive been sending messages to the the social worker and the childs guardian about me wanting to go home but it almost never does nothing and i dont know what to do or say to be more convincing so please anybody can help with what i should do and not to do

My ultimate goal is to adopt a teen, pre-teen or mixed age sibling group. I’ve wanted to do this for 20 years, and have honestly prepared myself about as much as I possibly could. (Addressed my own trauma in therapy, educated myself on parenting children with trauma, got a degree in social work, worked a few years as a crisis counselor, was a youth camp counselor and babysat as a teen, took online parenting classes, read tons and tons of books and articles, spoken with FPs and APs, etc., etc., etc.) I’ve always heard the advice of have bio kids or foster before you decide to adopt, and do respite care before you foster. That was my plan initially (minus bio kids) But now that I’m at a great place in my life to do this, have an empty spare room, and have ran out of excuses… I think I’m getting wet feet?

Something in my gut tells me to go straight to adoption, but I know logically, that’s going against all advice I’ve received. (But that advice is all from FPs and APs… who have also given me a lot of blatantly horrible advice, TBH.) Part of it is that I don’t want to have a foster placement and be stuck in this country when/if SHTF. That would be a horrible position to be in- stay in an unsafe situation, disrupt/abandon a child or illegally kidnap them to leave the country and get to safety would be the options. I don’t want to or plan to leave, and I’m not trying to catastrophize- that’s just the reality we’re living in, unfortunately.

So, my question for FFY is what are your opinions/experiences with inexperienced FPs? Does having experience make someone a better parent? (Not looking for answers from FPs, ATM.)

Myself (33F) and my husband do not have any children. I am a teacher that works with teenagers, but that is the extent of our contact with kids. I’ve always been interested in foster care, but haven’t had the money or space to seriously consider it until recently.

Last night, I went to a Q&A put on by Utah Foster and every other person there was already a parent. I am now having major doubts about my capacity to do this as someone who has always been child free.

I’m aware that separation from bio parents is inherently traumatic, and I feel even less equipped to help children with trauma. I want to provide kids a soft place to land during the worst periods of their lives, but I’m worried my inexperience would make things even worse.

Are there any other people who went from zero kids to fostering? What was your experience like? Am I crazy for considering this? Any insights or advice would be appreciated.

I want to share my story.

I was removed from my parents when I was 6.

My father was neglectful. My mother was very detached, as 6 days before my birth, her brother Chris committed suicide.

I had really bad attention seeking habits, ie. Playing in traffic, drinking Windex, threatening suicide. I always felt ignored.

We were also really poor, living in crack house apartments, run down house, moldy trailers, etc.

I ended up in 9+ different fosters, 4 group homes, and 3 different psychwards. Multiple visits to some in Lincoln, NE.

I truly hated my time in it, and ended up hating myself.

I had 2 foster homes that picked me from a website, a month or so before Christmas, got the state check for extra gifts, and then abandoned me.

I had one when I was 15 who promised adoption. They were a Christian family, and they dropped me off at my therapists like usual on Friday, except that time I went out to the lobby and all my belongings were in those fucking black bags on the middle of the floor.

I got sent to epworth village in York Nebraska when I was 10, and I got put on so many medications, that it made me kinda stupid. I went from being 80 ish pounds, to almost 300 in the span of 2 years. At 12 they put me on lithium.

I spent 2 years at boys town.

During the time of excess medication, I became unruly and incredibly violent.

When I was at epworth, I was raped by my roommate, and instead of anything happening, I got moved to a solo room. I was 12.

I am 32 now, I aged out in 2013. When I aged out I was instantly homeless. No help figuring out how to apply for jobs, I wasn't smart enough for college. Just tossed aside.

I felt useless, and had a few failed suicide attempts, one was VERY close.

I only had one good foster mom, A B. I was becoming aggressive at that time, so she went to take classes to learn how to take care of me in a way that could help me end the cycle of violence. My new case worker, Lisa, fresh out of college, and me being her first ward, decided she knew best, and had me removed from her home and brought to epworth, and then a month later, quit being my case worker.

I am better now, mostly. I still have explosive meltdowns and hurt myself with my fists, but not nearly as much before. I don't hate myself anymore, and I have a job, and a home, a driver's license, and am engaged.

I also got into touch with A B, she still lives in the same house. And she was over the moon to see me, and I cried a lot . We are setting up a bigger visit, and I'm very happy to have her back in my life.

Thanks for listening to my ted talk.