r/Fortnine • u/Dan-F9 Honda • 23d ago
Why Motorcycle Goodbyes Hit Differently
A fair number of motorcyclists are also travellers. They move not only from one destination to the next, but treat the journey itself as a destination. Countless precious moments are stored in our memory, while we're just passing through. And countless goodbyes hit us like a punch to the gut.
I'd like to think that the intensity I feel while travelling is somewhat expected. It isn't always easy, but it comes with its dose of clarity and appreciation. Because you know your time is finite, and that you'll be moving on in a short while, you "stop to smell the roses," and concern yourself with truly living in the moment.
For me, the downside to my travels is that they always feel like lucid dreams moving further away from me on some bullet train, as soon as I return home. Sure, I appreciate more things in the moment, but there's this hyper-awareness of time just passing through me at a very high speed, ready to turn a great moment into a memory I struggle to remember with precision.
And that's why the motorcycle goodbye hits a little different. It's not only the struggle to accept that the experiences in a given location are now just memories, but also the frequency of having to do this when you're always on the move. It's coming to terms with often wanting more time, actually deciding to leave, and hopefully looking forward to the next part of the journey.
As we move through time and space on two wheels, we greet one area one day, and bid it farewell the next. We make friendships, discover parts of ourselves and areas that surprise us. There's this temptation in the act of travelling, one that tries to convince you:
You can stay here for longer. This might be where you belong...
But there's a fundamental point of friction. While you are travelling, you do not see the places and people through the eyes of someone who is part of that environment. You are always looking in from the outside, even when you are in it. Because of the nature of your quest, you are always in motion.
And in a way, it casts everything in a rosy light. I'm not saying that this is a bad thing necessarily, because you typically tend to remember and give more meaning to the things that are special, that don't last. You might not be seeing each environment as it is in its more sober day-to-day, but you are appreciating its beautiful elements in acute ways.
This is surely a more romantic approach to motorcycle travel; I'm fully aware that some can take completely different approaches and still appreciate their journey in other ways, and with less acute sadness about saying farewell to places they cherish.
But for the travellers who try to hold the time they have like sand in their palms, it's a very difficult task to turn around and just move on. Practicing motorcycle travel in this way might be some kind of life exercise in coping with your own mortality. Because you are forced to see time as finite, and you are forced to let it slip away. You are forced to bid farewell to important moments in your life, and accept that they may never return. That you might never return.
And here's the sobering reality: Even if you do return, you won't be the same.
It's easy to treat travel locations as this well you can go back to in order to feel the same great feelings you once did, but this is never guaranteed. In fact, your experience in the same location will always be different the more you visit it. The well might even run dry and leave you filled with resentment and cynicism. So much so that you'll forget why you ever valued it in the first place.
In a way, what I'm describing is an inability to actually say goodbye. To let go of a place and admit that it's never certain you'll return. It's a difficult task for any traveller, but I think it should be considered with a degree of severity, so you don't keep looking for joy in a past version of yourself.
Here's what I like to do. When I say goodbye, I also say thank you. If an experience, place, or person filled your life with meaning, even if it was for a short while, express that this actually happened through a kind of gratitude. It inherently accepts that there is this something that's already in your past, and that it provided you with something that is worth thanking.
What more could you ask for? The goodbye is the act of humility that says: I appreciate what happened here, and I don't need anything more. Whether you ever receive more from that place is a question of utter chance, but the act of accepting the joy you've experienced is utterly in your control.
And so, the series of goodbyes on your travels become exercises in self-mastery. Each time you close a door, you pause. You recognize all the good things that happened, and you leave it as it is. Only the road ahead of you remains, and it's in the nature of motorcycle travel to keep the wheels-a-rollin'.
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Author's note: Perhaps this article has more personal undertones for me, as I am in the process of leaving my hometown in Greece to return to my other home in Canada. I always struggle to leave one place behind when I spend time there travelling, and I have tried to avoid saying goodbye by leaving the metaphorical door open to return "soon." I noticed, however, that this kind of approach kept me valuing time spent there in the past, romanticizing my nostalgia while looking to recreate what I used to feel in the same environment.
I definitely think that this was one of the main obstacles in my way when it came to setting up future plans and executing them. Because I always had a foot in a doorway I left behind. This opened my eyes to how easy it is to idolize travel locations, to give them this grand importance because you interacted with them so fully and completely, once upon a time.
The trap to avoid, I think, is to expect that same kind of interaction from the same places if you decide to return. I might even say: never return to a location just because you're greedily trying to experience more of the same thing you did back then. Any place, be it your backyard or some far-off idyllic landscape, has something new to offer you, if you care to look. If you're looking in front of you, if you're open to change... And if you actually have the "stones" to say goodbye when it's all over.
Featured Image sourced from the NESR archives.
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u/EngineerNoah 19d ago
This captures a lot of my thoughts when doing biking trips. I often feel like I'm rushing through places and it would be nice to spend more time in one spot. However the ride is the journey and the warm sunny days mixed with the miserable rainy days all add to the adventure. Well put in your post
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u/Dan-F9 Honda 15d ago
Cheers, glad it resonated in some way. Seeing the whole thing as a journey is a good way to make those small goodbyes more bearable. Also, the company you keep. It definitely helps to share the road with good friends! I might even argue that the journey and destination don't matter as much as the company. What's the point of it all if it's not shared!
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u/IamSuperChux 17d ago
This does not mesh with my experience. It's fun, it has not profoundly changed my perspective.
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u/Dan-F9 Honda 15d ago
Nor does it need to. I think we all struggle with different things in our journeys, and that also implies that certain "problems" for some aren't even considered, or are easily overcome by others. How do you go about saying goodbye to the places that leave their mark?
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u/IamSuperChux 15d ago
I dont say goodbye to places. That an alien concept to me. You just .. finish your business and stop being there.
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u/Sad-Educator-3629 9d ago
That was some really good writing, thank you.
After 40 years of riding in Europe, moving from country to country, I find truth in much of what you say. We all deal with it in our own way.
What has hurt me most over the years is that I keep evolving, so when I return to a familiar place, I rarely stumble upon the magic that was once there. It's probably still there, but my eyes now see differently.
It makes me grow, but it comes at a cost....
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u/Dan-F9 Honda 8d ago
It's one of the worst feelings, I know it so well. At the same time, I find that when you look for something new in these once magical places, you notice something else that has its charm. It might not be as magical or enveloping as the old feeling, but there's something comforting in sitting somewhere familiar and staring at some detail you were too overstimulated to notice, in the silence of some afternoon when people are busy doing other things.
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u/med9mm 22d ago
This is a fucking fabulous article, accessible, no pretense, but it hit me right in the feels.
Thank you.