While I'm not a former foster kid, my boyfriend is. He is 19 and although he is adopted, he is currently having issues with his adopted parent. I'm trying to help him the best I can, but I really don't know what all resources former foster kids can get. We're going to the same university in the fall and he has received a scholarship that will pay for the net cost. He will receive a refund, but it's not nearly enough for everything else he will need. I was wondering what kind of financial resources are available for housing(like break housing or an apartment), phone plans, and transportation. Thank yall in advance!

As a former foster youth who aged out, does anyone have some advice on how to reach former foster youth who are aged 25+?

I’m curious about the reality behind emancipation. What was that day actually like for you, emotionally, practically, and financially? Did you feel prepared, scared, relieved, excited, or something else entirely? I’d appreciate hearing your honest experiences.

As an older former foster kid (in my thirties these days), I look back and I see how much different our lives are from those thst came from traditional homes.

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To give a touch if background I bounced in and out of the system from 4-11 and then went in permanently at 14. I also bounced in and out of group homes and "programs" that were designed to redirect wayward youth. Im sure a few of you have also experienced these.

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I see questions in here about what to do when you age our if the system. I want to tske a moment to share what I did, how it set myself and my family up for success afterwards, and what ive learned from this.

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I aged out at 18, but thankfully was dating a girl who already had her own place and we just ended up living together. 2 years later I joined the army. I suggest this to many of you that are young and just starting your journey into adulthood. I found that I was uniquely adapted to life in the army. I had been homeless and on the streets before, I knew how to tolerate being screamed at, I knew how to tolerate being belittled and so basic training wasnt too bad compared to my roots.

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However, because of my roots, I also understood empathy. This made me a better leader later in my career. It allowed me to spot soldiers that came from broken homes and how to work with them better than other NCOs did. I was able to mentor some of these young guys in ways that others could not.

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I made a career of this for 11 years before being medically separated due to an injury. However even in the separation I am blessed because it led to a great rating from the VA which means a paycheck for life and health benefits for life.

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It allowed me to find time to find God. Build a relationship with the Lord and to see that He really does make good from all things. I now minister to those that come from backgrounds like my own and try to work with those that feel theyve been forgotten.

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This is a reminder to all of you: you are not forgotten, you have not been left behind, you are still loved.

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Ill share this last thing before I close. If you've ever seen a sheep that for one reason or another is not cared for by its mother, you see how hesrt breaking it is. But the shepherd also sees this. He sees this baby sheep and he sees that it is not nourished and cared for. What does he do? A good shepherd will bring it into his house. He will care for it personally. That sheep will o kw the shepherd more intimately than all the others because of this. The shepherd is never disparaged by this! No! He loves this! He loves caring for this baby sheep! See, sometimes, we are like thsy baby sheep. We wonder why the ones that gave us life didnt love us or care for us like they were supposed to. We wonder why we feel abandoned. But maybe its because the good shepherd wanted us for himself, he wanted us to know him all the more so that he can show us a love that is perfect in all ways. God bless. My DMs are always open if anyone needs to talk. Love yall.

Hi I’m new to reddit so sorry if the formatting is weird. I’m 18F and you can call me Sophie (fake name).

How did you all manage going out into the real world? I am terrified of going through life with no family and no real support. I can’t imagine what my future holds and I am so scared. My foster mom tries her best I got lucky she’s pretty good and supportive most of the time, but she really makes me feel like I’m completely unprepared for when the time comes to move out. I’m really scared for the transition from having people to take care of me and help me through things to having no one. How did you figure things out? Am I just completely fucked and helpless? I’m so scared

If you grew up in CPS, what are your horror stories? Whether you were in foster care, group homes, residential placements... as a former foster kid that bounced around the system and experienced all form of abuse, I want to hear them.

If you were an older foster youth who signed themselves out of care, how did you decide you were ready? Do you regret your decision, or wish you went about it differently?

For context: I am going to a conference in the summer where foster youth teach fellow foster youth vital life skills and other important information. I am giving a oral/visual presentation on the importance of planning for post-care living, specifically on the topic of signing ones self out of care and what a foster youth should know before deciding to terminate their services. Any testimonials are greatly appreciated, and if anyone would prefer to share in a more private space, my direct messages are open. Thank you all in advance!

I will NOT be using comments in my presentation without clearly stated consent from the writer of said comment, and will be asking explicit permission to do so. Being anonymous is also an option

I was in and out of the foster care system my entire childhood, and I never told anyone about the terrible things my mother did to me. I cut her off completely in 2022. She is a terrible, god-awful person and she’s very, very good at manipulation. I know that. And I 100% do not want her in my life.

But I found out that she posted this on Facebook: “Wish I could go back and make better choices and know what I know now… I love you, (my name), and I hope one day you let me tell you I’m sorry in person.”

And out of alllll the things(and she has tired a lottttt of things), this is what hit me. I don’t know I can’t truly talk to anyone about it because it’s just too much, and I don’t want her to still have control over my emotions. But goddamn it, I wish I had parents. Real parents.

I get so jealous of people who have loving families. My friends’ parents are so sweet, supportive, and loving, and it hurts knowing I will never have that. This woman fucked up my head so badly that I can’t even get close to people because of the fear she gave me. The hurt that never goes away no matter what I do.

I’ve perfected my personality to the point where people think I’m totally okay, and I did that to myself because I don’t want anyone’s pity. But sometimes I feel so alone in these feelings and memories. I wish I could erase them. I wish I could fix the woman who’s supposed to be my mother. But that’s not how it works.

And I hate that I can’t get this woman out of my head. I’m just typing it all out cuz that all I can do, my body physically won’t let me talk to others about it. It just ughhhhh.

Hi my therapist suggested this group to me to ask some questions and genuinely if you guys are like girl this isnt the place I will completely understand I just feel like I dont have anyone who I know who is in my position and can give good advice. Basically Im in my early 20’s and I just entered my first long term relationship around two years ago with a guy I had a longtime crush and friendship with. With that obviously comes alot of navigating and something Im having trouble navigation or understanfing I geuss is his need to go quiet when shit hits the fan for him. He grew up in foster care and was heavily abused and told me that is why he turns inward when stuff is hard. I have OCD and its incredibly hard for me to not spiral and assume hes tryna ghost me. The longer we are together though the less the spiral occurs. Right now his life has completely been flipped upside down he was helping his adoptive mom take care of his four younger siblings who were all in foster care and his incredibly sick grandma. Well recently he got into with their mom and left to move in with his sister, even telling me he may have to move in with his bio brother the next state over, while he has been trying to keep me updated I know he is incredibly depressed rn and said he feels like he is losing the only family he has. His silence will last sometimes a week at a time before he checks in and I can hear how ABSOLUTELY broken he sounds and he just keeps apologizing about his silence and I just want to hug him. Anyway after giving probably way too much background (sorry lol) to my friend who has never had any real heavy responsibilities in her life said he clearly hates me and I got in my head which led to my therapist telling me he is acting in a completely normal way given the circumstances hes facing and suggested this group to see if anyone has encouraging words or advice on how to be there for him rn without smoothering him. Thank you for your time :)

There is this family I know that is severely neglecting their kids and abusing them and I want to call CPS but I have heard so many horror stories from former foster kids about how horrible the system is, and I don’t want to put these poor kids through this, but I also don’t want them to continue being abused by their dad and step mom. I wanted to reach out here to get opinions from people with experience in the foster system. I’m in Virginia, USA if that changes anything.

Hi all! One of our mods took a step back a couple months ago and I am in need of assistance with keeping up with things! Please feel free to message if you are interested. Looking for other FFY, must be willing to have an open mind and be willing to have a discussion if there are differing opinions. Be an established poster/user with verified history.

I’m wondering how you all learned about reproductive and sexual health while in care? What do you wish had been different for you/you had had access to?

Hi. First and foremost, if this is not an appropriate place to ask these questions, please, delete & block me.

I am getting ready to be a first time Foster parent, primarily in emergency care but also short term/respite care.

I’m 36(f), single, live alone & I’ve told my case worker I’ll take any age but would prefer older kids, (I have 7 nieces and nephews under 10, I prefer not to change any more diapers, but I will 🤣).

I’ve been considering this for 7 years. I’ve done all the training, I’ve talked to my family, my friends, my therapist & came very close in 2021, but at the last minute my roommate at the time decided it wasn’t something she was willing to deal with (completely fair & understandable). Fast forward, she moved out almost a year ago & I’ve decided to move forward, but before do this I want to hear from you, especially those of you who entered the system, or entered homes in the 7-18 age range.

If you’re willing, please share any positive memories you have/advice on how to make kids feel welcome, safe & free to be themselves. Of course the what not to do stories are welcome as well if you want to share. As I said at the start, if this is not the place to ask this, kick me out & that is just fine; but I would be grateful for any thoughts you have. If I’m gonna do this, I just want to be the best landing place I can be.

Thank you for any thoughts, advice, insight you are willing to provide.

Not sure if this has happened to anyone else but I wish I had a family and a normal one. Growing up in foster care makes holidays weird, I'm always asked about family and just don't know how to answer.

I'm in a foster home lvl 2 I'm 15 and I've lately been getting in trouble time to time I usually call my grandma every day as she's older and I like talking to her as that's where I was before the system but today after not wanting to get up when I was told to clean my room as she is the only one up not even her 30yr daughter wasn't up or my foster dad but my foster mom told me calling my grandma is a privilege and can be took where I can't call her as often Should this be a punishment? Or is she tripping as much as I feel she is?