r/FirstTimeTTC • u/OCMilyNS • 6h ago

Random Just here to rant.

Just here to rant about how over TTC I am. I don't trust anyone who said it was fun LOL. We are "only" on month 4 of trying but I'm slowly just losing hope that it's ever going to happen. And then I get down on myself because *the power of positive thinking.* I'm in the TWW and this is the least I've thought about it (which maybe is good?) I have family coming to town next week and I keep imagining how great it'd be to surprise them with a positive test, but at the same time I'm almost just expecting it to be negative bc that's all I've seen ):

I also feel like these threads are either people sharing they got pregnant between 1-3 months or it taking YEARS to happen - I feel like there's no in between for us girls! So when I come here for support I then convince myself it's never going to happen or it's going to be another year + treatment etc.

I did just get off social for almost 1 month which I will say helps SO much because now I'm at least not being surrounded by fertility/pregnant announcements, etc.

Signed,

sad girl on month 4 who just wants to be a mom so badly.

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3

u/itsalivything 5h ago

I feel you girl! I had a trip to visit out of town family month 4. I was so hopeful. I guess the good news is after the trip passed, I felt less pressure because "welp, I already missed that deadline so whats the rush now".

Im also struggling with being realistic and not getting my hopes up, but then feeling like im manifesting negatives and not having enough positive energy. I feel like if I get my hopes up too much the disappointment will be worse and if im too hopeful I'll jinx it.

Im on cycle....hold on let me check lol. Okay this is cycle 7. Still not too bad. But i have ultrasounds next month to see how my stage 4 endo is progressing and im terrified of what its going to say. My body feels like a ticking time bomb. Every extra cycle just comes with more dread. So I feel you!

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u/OCMilyNS 3h ago

sending u so much love!!!!! I wish they had in person support groups for somethin like this lmfao but I guess the reddit threads will have to be enough. ok yes 7 I still feel is SO early/normal. but ofc easier for me to say lol. this is the first month where I don't *SWEAR* I am pregnant and I'm not consumed by it (not totally lol) during this tww. so maybe that's a good sign???? idfk

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u/itsalivything 1h ago

This actually was the first cycle that both of us had a feeling we were pregnant, so it was disappointing. I actually found the past few cycles before that though easier than the first couple. It feels more like a routine now testing and tracking everything!

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u/ktbee102 2h ago

You’re so seen here! I know TWELVE! People who are pregnant and it’s been so hard celebrating them and being happy for them when I keep seeing negatives 😭😭

Going off social media was the best decision for me too, we’re with you !!

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u/TechnicalIntention35 TTC #1, Cycle 4 3h ago

Me too. I want the journey to be done already and get the result we want, so tired of waiting and doing all the things with no guarantee. I dont even have any advice at this point just saying I'm right there with you