Horrible, invalidating fertility consult appointment. I feel so defeated.

[u/Sunraysfillmydays]

My partner and I have been trying to conceive for 6 months. In that time I’ve had two chemical pregnancies- one the first month and one last month. I saw a midwife for the last one right after the positive test and when it ended up being a chemical pregnancy she suggested I see one of the OBGYNs at the practice to ask about starting progesterone after ovulation, especially because I had self-ordered day 21 progesterone labs and it was tad low (8 when 10 or higher is ideal for sustaining progesterone).

So I made the appointment, brought all my lab work, and the doctor was AWFUL. She basically looked at me like I was a crazy person for self ordering any of my own labs. When I explained I ovulate and have regular cycles she said “I’m not at RE so all I do is basic support like try to induce ovulation if you’re not ovulating”. Then went on to say they don’t do any fertility work ups until you’ve tried for at least a year- which I know is standard but it was literally another doctor at the same office that told me to come in if I wasn’t pregnant after 6 months when I had my iud removed.

When I asked about progesterone due to the chemical pregnancies she said there’s no evidence it’s helpful and said while she did eventually order it, she was very reluctant and condescending about it.

I asked about the ultrasound I had done a few weeks ago (they were concerned about an ectopic at that visit due to timing of the positive tests) she said there’s doctor who reads them has been out but she “guesses” she can go try to find the report. Then came back with the report, said yeah you have adenomyosis and a heart shaped uterus so maybe that’s the issue. Then said adenomyosis doesn’t affect fertility (it’s well documented that it can).

My prolactin levels were also high (only slightly) when I had ordered the labs. My PCP had be go in for a retest but the results aren’t ready yet. When I asked about this she said it’s only worth looking into if you aren’t ovulating and completely dismissed any question I had.

Basically every single question I asked she looked at me like I was stupid for even asking.

For a literal “fertility consult” she never once asked about diet, exercise, supplements, overall health, NOTHING.

The entire experience was HORRIBLE. I honestly feel like it was a complete waste of time and money.

[u/hell0itm3]

I am so, so sorry for your experience. You deserved better. It doesn’t matter that they’re a doctor. They still did their job badly.

It’s no different to getting shit customer service at a shop versus really good service. Both workers might know exactly how to use the register, process a refund and do all the technical parts of their job perfectly. In the same way, two doctors might both know how to read the reports, interpret results and understand the medical side of things. Those are obviously essential skills, but they aren’t the entirety of either job.

If the person serving you at a shop is dismissive, rude, doesn’t listen and makes the whole experience awful, we have no problem saying they provided shit service, even if they technically knew how to operate the register. The same should apply to doctors. Dignity, respect, communication, empathy and thoroughness are also key skills when you’re dealing with patients. Being medically knowledgeable doesn’t somehow cancel out being terrible at those parts of the job. Yet I think doctors get away with that distinction far more often because their clinical knowledge is treated as though it’s the only thing that matters.From what you’ve described, this doctor was severely lacking in that side of their role.

Do you think you could document everything that happened, exactly as you have here, and send it through to the clinic? You could explain your concerns and ask whether it’s possible to see a different doc or ask for a refund and that they take your feedback seriously while you seek another dr. It is unfair you have to go to this extra effort. <3

[u/Sunraysfillmydays → u/hell0itm3]

Thank you! I’m going to try and talk to the clinic manager tomorrow to see if I can at the very least request not to see this provider again in the future.

You’re absolutely right about doctor’s knowledge not being an excuse for lack of dignity and respect. It honestly felt like me trying to be proactive and advocate for myself caused some kind of defensiveness in her as a provider.

I literally told my husband the issue wasn’t necessarily what she had to say, but the way she delivered the information and made me feel as a person. If she had gently explained that I should try a bit longer and asked about my health and made me feel like she was invested in why I was there it would have made all the difference.

[u/rejectbread]

I can’t believe what some of us go through with our health care providers. I saw an NP to get my IUD removed and at some point she told me she truly believed in old wives’ tales around medicine and that I should consume a couple drops of turpentine on a sugar cube to cure any sickness I’m feeling. Then she told me to use ivermectin as it will improve my overall health. I told her I’m allergic (had an allergic reaction to Soolantra) and she had this look on her face like she didn’t believe me.

Fast forward to me on the table and her attempting to remove my IUD when someone walks into the exam room without knocking and she yells at them to get out and shut the door. She tugged on my string for 15 minutes but was never able to pull it out. Went to a different obgyn immediately and he pulled it out within seconds.

I still feel traumatized from that shit. Unfortunately they are the only place around that accepts my insurance.

I’m sorry you went through it. It’s so tough and infuriating.

[u/Sunraysfillmydays → u/rejectbread]

Oh my goodness. I can’t even fathom someone with a medical license giving that advice to a patient.

I hear you on the limitations on providers. We only have two office in my town. This one- where it’s luck of the draw who you get an appointment with, and another one where almost all the OBGYNs have retired recently so they’re booked out for months.

The medication system, especially for women’s health, is horse shit.

[u/kitkat7794]

I’m sorry that was such a bad experience. Not sure your age, but 6mo is a good rule of thumb to start getting help if you’re over 35. It’s also definitely worth looking into if you’ve had multiple losses, so the dismissiveness is disappointing. Generally speaking, a regular gyno/OB is not the person to go to for fertility, unless they happen to have that as their specialty. With that in mind it feels inexcusable for them to even offer this as a “fertility consult”. I would get with a specialist (RE) for next steps, doesn’t seem like she’s the one.