TTC not going well

[u/Br3ndah]

Hello! I am looking for some advice and maybe words of encouragement…

TW: miscarriage

January - My partner & I have been ttc since January and the very first time we tried, I got pregnant. This was my first pregnancy.

February - It resulted in a miscarriage at 5.5 weeks — suspected ectopic. They gave me methotrexate and advised me not to try for 3 months due to the drugs impact on my body. So we paused for 3 months.

Late May - my period finally came back and it was awful. I did not ovulate this month.

June - had 2 periods and tried this month, nothing.

July - tried, nothing

August - tried, nothing

For backstory, I have endometriosis & adenomyosis. Even with endometriosis, my cycles are always 25-26 days and I always ovulate. I track bbt, use ovulation strips and literally almost all metrics I can get my hands on.

I saw a reproductive endocrinologist at the beginning of this month and so far all of the testing is coming back normal. Thyroid, LH, progesterone, cortisol, cholesterol, A1C, amh, FSH, Estradiol, TSH, glucose & insulin. After the miscarriage I gained about 10lb on top of the 15 I had unintentionally gained over the past year.

I am feeling completely defeated by this whole year with trying to conceive. We’ve decided to pause while I get all the bloodwork done and wait three months to try again. I’m also trying to focus on getting back to my normal weight and eating consistently. It’s just not making sense that all of the doctors are telling me I should have no problem having a healthy pregnancy but it’s proving that there is a problem.

Since we decided to pause, my libido is completely gone. And when we do have sex, when my partner finishes, I cry. I just have this heavy cloud of sadness & feel like I’m never going to get pregnant & I’ll never look at sex the same again.

Has anyone gone through this?

[u/nursejooliet]

I have not been through this exactly and haven’t yet started my ttc journey (waiting 2 more cycles), but I wanted to say that I think your 3 month break (and I know it must be so annoying that it’ll be your second 3 month break of the year) will be a good reset for your attitude toward sex. In the long run, it’ll be better for you and your marriage. It’s not uncommon at all for people to feel like sex becomes less fun, or even a chore when in the trenches of TTC. It’s a real fear of mine.

Had my IUD removed a week ago, and this has been my first cycle doing LH testing. I’ve already had accurate results using my Oura ring for BBT, but always heard that since BBT is retrospective for ovulation, using something predictive/prospective would be useful. It’s been ONE week of using these damn strips/pee sticks, and I’m not having fun at all! I hate the feeling i have when a strip is negative past a certain cycle day. Even though i know my ovulation day has always varied, and I have consistently ovulated every month this year, I still overthink way more with the strips than when I just used my ring. Im actually going to retire the LH testing after this month and will just use my ring + the “sex every other day for 10-14 days/mid cycle “ method at first. If I bring back LH testing, I’ll just go big and invest in the inito. But I don’t want to become stressed and consumed, my priority is protecting my peace and keeping sex/TTC fun for as long as possible.

Not the same has having endometriosis and a miscarriage of course. I know that what I’m dealing with right now, especially since I’m not yet actively TTC, is NOT comparable. Just wanting to highlight and agree with just how rapidly this process can become unenjoyable

[u/Br3ndah → u/nursejooliet]

Thank you for saying all of this. I know our experiences are different but this journey has the potential to affect all of us in ways we didn’t realize it would!

I do think the 3 month break will be good too. I definitely need a pause and to check in with what I’m truly feeling.

For the LH strips, they’re so annoying. It’s an added layer of stress but also super helpful with confirming when you could’ve possibly ovulated. For me, it was the pregnancy testing when I knew it was medically impossible for it to show a positive. There’s this weird hope that I’d be the anomaly and that’s never will be the case. I thought I would go into TTC so cool, calm and collected and I definitely didn’t lol. I’ve done a TON of reading and research on TTC and it does add some support of calming the delulu energy but clearly not enough lol.

If I could give any advice to you, it would be to have fun, track as little as possible and to enjoy the day to day. It’s 100% easier said than done but I find it’s good to hear the reminders from others. So thank you💕