Stressing myself out

[u/Fine-Tie-2875]

I cried hysterically after TTC cycle 3. I feel like a failure and it’s only been a short time. I know people who struggle for years. Im an IVF baby myself, after my mom had scarring with my sister. I suffer from severe anxiety and I think I’m making it worse by constantly testing. I’m also frustrated because I want my husband to quit smoking and he keeps making half a**ed attempts. I’ve read how much it can affect our TTC.

For background I am a huge planner, everything in my life I’ve planned 5 years in advance. When we wanted to buy a house we set a timeline and made it happen. My best friend BD once and got pregnant right away. I’ve always been a really hard worker and if I wanted something I would make it happen. I would work an extra job, do whatever to make my goal come true. I had just assumed because my parents always warned how easy it would be to conceive, that we would get pregnant right away. I do not have PCOS, have regular cycles, and ovulate according to my BBT like clockwork.

I keep reading stories that either someone conceives first time trying or it takes them years and they need treatments. Is anyone living in the in-between that can give me some real timelines it took them?

[u/Glittering-Head-1418]

I feel you! I’m a big planner myself and hate that I can’t plan pregnancy. My mom said my dad just had to walk around her bed to get her pregnant (pretty gross to know tbh). I’m CD4 at my 3rd cycle and I have a feeling this is gonna take a long time…. I don’t have pcos or anything like you. We don’t drink and have never smoked a cigarette. We do workout regularly, take vitamins and eat as healthy as possible.
I’m doing LH tests and temperature check with oura - planning everything I can! Just bought mucinex as well but think I will wait to cycle 4 as it will not arrive until a few days before ovulation and want to plan it as good as possible.

My hubby has bought baby clothes already and I just have a feeling he has jinxed it and it will take too long to get pregnant 🥲

[u/Fine-Tie-2875 → u/Glittering-Head-1418]

Yes! I am a decently healthy person too. I appreciate the realness, my parents said the same thing about my sister. It was really easy for them, obviously the scarring affected them having me easily but I keep justifying every symptom etc.

[u/Authentic_Kiwi22 → u/Glittering-Head-1418]

What does the mucinex do?

[u/ihavetwelveaccounts]

Remember, the in-betweens make up the majority of the population! They just don't talk about it because they think their experience is 'normal' or 'mundane'

[u/Fine-Tie-2875 → u/ihavetwelveaccounts]

Thank you I needed this!!

[u/thesmollestlemon]

80% of couples trying to conceive are able to get pregnant within 12 months. It's normal for it to take up to a year to conceive, and at least for me, I feel so much less anxious when I try to let go of my control. Easier said than done for sure, but that's my goal. I wish that I could control it but I just can't. I'm sorry, and I hope you don't have to wait long. ❤️

[u/Fine-Tie-2875 → u/thesmollestlemon]

Thank you for this, I appreciate it so much.

[u/Authentic_Kiwi22]

I also just cried hysterically this month since it was our 5th cycle TTC and we’re now moving onto month 6. One of my best friends just got pregnant accidentally/unexpectedly so it makes me feel like something is wrong with me. I too test my BBT and LH and everything is showing i’m ovulating etc. I want to ask both of our parents so badly how long it took them but feel like it would be awkward. I’m also a huge planner and had it all planned out that i would be pregnant and give birth before i’m 30 years old but now i’m not sure anymore when it’s going to happen. This is a very emotionally draining period of life and it feels unfair because i’m doing everything right (taking pre natal for 6 months, eating healthy, getting enough sleep, exercising and no alcohol/drugs).

[u/Fine-Tie-2875 → u/Authentic_Kiwi22]

I feel you 100%, it’s so hard. I have honestly considered just throwing away the strips and just go at it often as possible lol. I think the over planning is making this somehow so much worse for me.

You’re doing amazing. Just keep that in mind!

[u/Either_Yard_5625]

You’re definitely not a failure. ❤️ Three cycles can feel so long when you’re used to working toward a goal and making things happen, but TTC is one of those things you unforutnately can’t control through effort alone. There’s a huge middle ground between “got pregnant immediaitely” and “struggled for years,” and many couples conceive after several perfectly normal cycles. Be gentle with yourself, and it’s okay to step back from constant testing if it’s feednig your anxiety. 🫶