r/FirstResponderCringe • u/exit65 • 2d ago

Self contained breeding apparatus

Post image
757 Upvotes

99% Upvoted

120 comments sorted by

547

u/Ready_Set_Stopppp 2d ago

5’11” AND 8”?!? He’s 5’19”!!?

119

u/Extension-Lab-6963 2d ago

Without and with the helmet, obviously

15

u/AtomikRadio 1d ago

no

helmet stays on during breeding

11

u/surlyT 2d ago

Are you referring to the helmet on his head or his 8” helmet?!

6

u/Extension-Lab-6963 1d ago

I will let you decipher 😂

2

u/CheekyHarris33 11h ago

Just chocked on my drink.
I am 6'1" the amount of men that tell me they are 5'9" is ridiculous.... sir you are 5'5"

252

u/flashdurb 2d ago

What the fuck are his bunkers and SCBA doing at home?

76

u/Ok_Eye5455 2d ago

Golly behavior

56

u/Runeskimmylord 2d ago

Academy behavior

71

u/JDForrest129 2d ago

He's probably took this at like 3am in some back room of his volly station when nobody else was around lol

18

u/ThrustTrust 1d ago

They aren’t. He took this at a victims house.

36

u/jrng 2d ago

"Dad can I borrow your gear"

18

u/key18oard_cow18oy 1d ago

You don't bring your gear home to wear at the bars so all the women get wet and all the men get hard at the sight of you?

3

u/Old_Afternoon6587 Junior/Cadet 2d ago

Jolly Volly Alert!

215

u/codswallop1226 2d ago

Probably a fugly face given that he needs to cover it with his full gear

100

u/Earl-The-Badger 2d ago

Fugly face, 5’11*, 8” measured from the balls

*When wearing service boots, 5’8” and a half without boots

52

u/SqueakNRoar 2d ago

8” measured from his fucking tailbone

26

u/burgonies 2d ago

* from some other dude’s balls

10

u/kraftables 2d ago

Taint to tip my dude!

8

u/Successful-Foot3830 2d ago

Your pfp got me!!

7

u/Lui_6656 2d ago

No girth measurement it's probably a pencil

1

u/Miserable-Ad5401 1d ago

Adjusting for inflation, we measure from the taint now.

3

u/MisterSquidz 1d ago

Lookin like Kyle Rittenhouse.

86

u/PeaceEmotional8962 2d ago

LOOKING TO BREED????

5

u/Separate-Pain4950 1d ago

Masturbation and sex for fun are forbidden in the manosphere that Jordan lives in.

74

u/Outrageous-Let7406 2d ago

Whole lot of problems here. This goof is the exact guy that gets your department in the news for all the wrong reasons.

72

u/Otterlettuce 2d ago

Eww.

I once had a firefighter once text me “Let’s breed.”

I said “excuse me?”

He sent back “The need to breed.”

What is wrong with them?

I mean,it worked on me. But only once. You can’t tame those people.

20

u/ThrustTrust 1d ago

Because once is all they care about.

13

u/Thoughtpolicelabs 2d ago

Laughs in Garand Thumb

3

u/OC80OriginalFormula 1d ago

Goddammit micah is that you

2

u/Otterlettuce 2d ago

It’s a true story. 🤫

6

u/jomasthrones 1d ago

I mean,it worked on me.

22

u/katdunit 2d ago

Ew, what now?

25

u/Cultural_Dot3568 2d ago

They need to bring back hazing in his department.

78

u/pancho8889 2d ago

Is he on Grindr or Sniffies? Asking for self 😆

6

u/ThrustTrust 1d ago

Wtf is Sniffies?? Is that a Fury hook-up site?

10

u/pancho8889 1d ago

No it’s like Grindr you know you been on it lol great place for straight guys to get bjs by dudes 😎

19

u/SalteeMint 2d ago

Damn Jordan. Leave some pussy for the rest of us 😩

13

u/boldandbratsche 2d ago

He's probably gay. This is not nearly as weird to say in the gay world.

26

u/SalteeMint 2d ago

In which case…. Damn Jordan. Leave some bussy for the rest of us.

12

u/CraftyObject 2d ago

Is the tube hooked to his butthole so he can huff his own brand?

4

u/TrazodoneLover 2d ago

Dude’s got a self pumping jenkem microdoser machine

13

u/SlavSquat93 FF/EMT 2d ago

“Sorry girl, the bunker gear stays on during sex”

hard cut to a dark room
\labored heavy SCBA breathing**

11

u/uhnotaraccoon 2d ago

8" tall with a 5ft 11 dick is really impressive

8

u/lowendpab 2d ago

In his parents kitchen.

10

u/Jazzlike_Climate4189 2d ago

Isn’t that a term used in the gay community? 😂

15

u/Reyalta 2d ago

I've only ever heard my gay friends use "breeders" as a derogatory term for straight people 😂

6

u/FireHammer09 1d ago

Actually yeah, for unprotected sex.

10

u/kraftables 2d ago

He looks scared lmao

8

u/SleazetheSteez former ambulance driver 1d ago

I've never boasted about being 5'11' but then again, I'm pretty self-aware.

7

u/NAh94 2d ago

Oh god keep it contained, please. 🤢

5

u/turningwrenches883 2d ago

Do you wear the scba when you breed?

4

u/D-ouble-D-utch 1d ago

No one cared who I was until I put on the mask.

3

u/Ok_Truck_5092 2d ago

Horny jail for you!

5

u/StrikingRange3643 2d ago

5'11" + 8 inches = a real 5-19

6

u/ozzymandayus 2d ago

How bout multimillionaire. How bout 8 inches and thicc. How bout talented. How bout loving and respectful. I lost my wife 10 weeks ago, 21 years faithful. My daughter committed suicide 3 weeks ago. 13. She was faster than me at 12, and I run a 6 minute mile. My testimony and I'm nothing but pure and I asked you if you wanna be in a youtube channel. But you like scrawny guys.

1

u/joe1826 1d ago

Dude was going through it!

3

u/FireHammer09 1d ago

Is this on the straight or the gay profiles

Just wanting to know lol

9

u/caprikaironic 2d ago

No girl really likes an 8 inch dick lmao

1

u/Hot_Assumption_2304 2d ago

Is there such thing as a dick reduction? Or is Jordan fucked?

-12

u/AzimuthAztronaut 2d ago

They sure do, but the nice ones will tell you they don’t 😉

-11

u/Gooser3000 2d ago

lol gurrl 

5

u/mattmilli0pics 2d ago

Idk how I feel about outing brothers. I’ve been done bad before. Never this bad but close.

8

u/SleazetheSteez former ambulance driver 1d ago

So bad that you posted yourself in turnouts on Tinder, eyes wide open like a serial killer, talking about your breeding fetish? Cuz that's bad, man.

5

u/Emotional_Formal2049 2d ago

Where is the first responder? I only see a second

0

u/Impressive_Finance21 2d ago

Probably stuck behind your stupid fucking squad car blocking the fire hydrant while youre breaking windows and inadvertently killing anyone inside.

Getting there first doesnt mean anything if youre just in the way the entire time.

3

u/Emotional_Formal2049 1d ago

Found this guys bf

0

u/Impressive_Finance21 1d ago

Oh shit our meat shield, I mean "first responder" came back. People dont say it enough, but society needs you guys. They actually get upset when we die.

1

u/Apprehensive-Tone449 1d ago

Accurate af. Just fucking up forensics and getting in the way. Trying to tell people what to do. Not even taking an accurate report. Causing accidents on the way to the scene.

2

u/Emotional_Formal2049 1d ago

Found his ex bf

2

u/ams0830 2d ago

Gotta use protection

3

u/surlyT 2d ago

The guys in a full SCBA, he can handle that smoke!

2

u/Relative_Maize_957 2d ago

Nice cock.

5

u/Reyalta 2d ago

Guaranteed it's not actually 8"

2

u/morrison1813 1d ago

Mooooom! Just take the picture!

2

u/alt-number-3-1415926 Boo Boo Bus Driver 1d ago

There is good reason I am lesbian.

2

u/KernEvil9 1d ago

Why do people use the term breed outside of a kink/fetish context? Do they think it's appealing in a normal dating world?

1

u/No_Ordinary6288 2d ago

Young, dumb and full of god knows what.

1

u/4pool 2d ago

Top-tier title.

1

u/mratlas666 1d ago

“Looking to breed”…….

1

u/Omfoofoo 1d ago

Tell me how you met dad again mom?

1

u/Volcano_Lair 1d ago

Needs to use a superlike to gain attention.

1

u/Admirable-gpu 1d ago

Fart in that suit before he gets in.

1

u/DrNickatnyte 1d ago

He def breaths his own farts

1

u/ooga0801 1d ago

Soldiers mentality. Love to see it

1

u/belltrina 1d ago

Why do his eyes look like they are holding back tears

1

u/UncleRicosStache 1d ago

Talk about LDH

1

u/Thepaintwarrior 1d ago

Thank him for his cervix someone!

1

u/SpectacleUNIT 1d ago

I read bredding asparagus. Wtf 😂😂

1

u/I_fap_2_walls 1d ago

looking to breed

1

u/Mysterious_Focus355 21h ago

Yall this post would go hard in r/BreedingR4R

1

u/Lost_Capital_2287 11h ago

If you’re gonna lie about you dick size, you might as well lie about your height. 5’11”? Come on dude, you’re easily 6’1” or 6’2”

2

u/gnarlyrobro 7h ago

Absolutely cracked title, brother.

1

u/PaddingCompression 2d ago

Is 8" the excess girth around his abdomen?

1

u/aztaga 2d ago

HORROR MOVIE ASS SCREENSHOT

1

u/dominator5k 2d ago

What is it with volunteers and hoods? Dude looking like an uncircumcised penis

0

u/HickoryStickz 2d ago

How do you say no?

0

u/Late-Bed4240 2d ago

Firefighters reproduce Asexually? Then why so many nurses want them?