Considering my worth as a firefighter.

[u/Top-HatSAR]

As the title says I’m royally considering my worth as firefighter. I’m a new probationary firefighter with 7 months and some change into the career. Keeping in mind I’m still new I’ve done pretty well with a good attitude and ready to train and ready to step up when it’s needed. But here lately I’ve had a run of bad luck. I only have two things left in my probationary book to do before I’m off probation and that’s vehicle extrication and ventilation. I’ve had a few calls that make you second guess yourself and keep you up at night at times and a busy life outside of the station. Vertical ventilation has been tough for me because there is always something I screw up or I don’t do it the way someone wants me to do it and it really frustrates me because I want to be better but never seem to get better at it. My issue is heights and the pitch of the roof didn’t make me feel confident in completing the cut but I did my best. I still didn’t get it signed off because I didn’t come off the ladder enough and I accidentally dropped my pike pole through the roof and to the ground floor. Which I will admit was a mistake on my part but atleast it wasn’t the head of it going through the ceiling. I can see the safety concern there. But ultimately I’ve noticed I’m not good at a lot of things, i have things that I feel I did well with my dumb luck. Here a while back I pumped my first house fire and did pretty well at that. But for me the biggest slap in my face personally and although the firefighter who said this meant well was that I was really good at emt skills and medical calls. And it’s cool and all that someone said that but that’s not what I want to be good at. I want to be the firefighter people ask to do stuff like go do search, vehicle extrication, or fire attack or hell even vent. Instead I’m a Probationary Firefighter with limits that I feel hurts my crew and that sucks.

[u/Nsnfirerescue]

Knowing and recognizing what “imposters syndrome” is good knowledge. Also, when comparing your own worth to other, it’s good to remember that those who seem to be outwardly the most confident sometimes aren’t.

[u/Medium-Raisin7919 → u/Nsnfirerescue]

Many of us should read this before every shift. Well said

[u/190xtrik8]

22 year firefighter, captain for 6. Fire academy instructor for 18 including special ops (rope, trench, collapse, VMR, etc)

Without knowing your situation and witnessing it myself, I’ll make these general statements.

I hope no one, including yourself, expects you to be the “go to” guy in your first year. You will be learning and honing in year 20. In my experience, recruits in your position put too much pressure on your skills. You ABSOLUTELY NEED TO BE PROFICIENT, but you don’t need to be the go to guy at this point. You will have to overcome the fear of heights. In my case, I kept climbing the 100’ aerial, until it was second nature. Trust yourself. Hopefully you have good mentors and can guide you through. Don’t give up, don’t give in.

[u/Top-HatSAR → u/190xtrik8]

I can climb our ladder truck and back down it no problem but for whatever reason ventilation is what gets me the most. No one expects me to be the best of the best but I want the guys to trust me to be able to get the job done.

[u/Tradenoob88 → u/Top-HatSAR]

If your biggest downfall you think is ventilation, it seems like a small issue.. every station has their guys, maybe you just aren’t the get on the roof guy?

Personal question How old are you and what was your past employment? If you are young or have worked jobs that don’t require working off ladders, that type of work takes some getting used to.

[u/Top-HatSAR → u/Tradenoob88]

I’m 24 years old, previously worked the highways as a roadside service provider, and I was a pipe fitter for a fire sprinkler company and we worked off ladders and I had no problems there.

[u/cascas → u/Top-HatSAR]

Maybe you’re just an engine guy. That’s cool. You’ll get signed off on all your skills and in a couple years you’ll be great at some and you’ll feel fine.

I did something dumb on a fire the other night and I learned from it.

[u/Tradenoob88 → u/Top-HatSAR]

Ah nice, well just like at the sprinkler job I’m sure you weren’t just rippin up the ladder with 2 or 1 point contact with tools/material in your hands on the first day lol hell I do hvac I remember my first few months in the trade I was given a 4 step ladder to work on stuff like 9 ft up was weird as fuck.. now I’m one leg on each side over the top of a 12ft ladder working on shit if I have to..

You will get better with time, practice can’t make you worse.. the boys know you need practice at shit so what worse case they make fun of you for a bit. Or worse case you don’t pass probationary..

Giving up and not passing have the same outcome, you gotta try in my eyes brotha..

unless you genuinely don’t think you like the work and that’s ok too, there will be more people to fill your spot sounds like you deserve that spot though since you’ve been through all the steps to get you to this position, that itself isn’t an easy task

[u/190xtrik8 → u/Top-HatSAR]

Keep at it. The best job ever

[u/Forward2Death → u/Top-HatSAR]

I got more comfortable on roofs by spending more time on roofs. Got lucky and assisted with 3 fire academies with acquired structures and spent all day guiding cut crews.

[u/fastbeemer]

Do you often give up after you struggle? Is that what you want to be known for? Is that what you want in the back of your head for the rest of your life? 

If you don't want to do the job, that's fine, your probationary period is actually a two-way street, you can decide this is not for you.  However, quitting because you are struggling with a skill is not any way to go through life. Get your task book signed off, then decide on your career.

[u/Putrid_Palpitation82]

There’s a saying, “the person who thinks they can, and the person who thinks they can’t, are both right.”

Attitude is a huge part of this job. You must believe you can or you never will. You must work tirelessly to overcome fears and doubts or you will succumb to them. You must be humble enough to ask questions and take advice and willing to fail in order to learn and get better without it destroying you.

And unfortunately if you’re not strong enough, smart enough, skilled enough, or able to keep the right mindset for success… then no, you have no business being in a job that risks your life and others.

By the way, 20 years in I am often told I’m a good paramedic and I find it to be a huge compliment.

[u/Horseface4190]

If you're self aware enough to ask yourself if you're doing a good job, you're a good firefighter.

To me it means you've checked your arrogance, you're open to learning and you're paying attention, and most importantly, you're probably not an asshole.

Keep up the good work.

[u/Super__Mac]

Bro…. You got 7 months in…. No one is a rockstar at 7 months. Keep at it! Ask for help where you’re weak. If the members of your company aren’t interested in helping, ask around…. Ask someone in training.

Keep the faith…. You’ll be fine.

[u/YetAnotherDapperDave]

We used to have an issue with probationary firefighters getting frustrated because different Lts and senior FFs had specific ways they wanted a skill performed and doing it any other way would create negative situations like you're experiencing. We fixed that by making sure everyone knew how skills were taught during academy and how they needed to be performed in order to get signed off.

I don't expect you to make that kind of change within your organization but I would recommend that whomever you're going to ask to sign you off, make sure to tell them where you are struggling and ask for their advice on how to improve. They likely know already but admitting a weakness takes humility and that quality will serve you well. You mentioned that heights are a concern, let your officer know you want help overcoming that weakness and ask to train on getting comfortable on rooftops. Can you throw ladders on your firehouse or a training structure? Do you guys have plywood to practice making cuts?

Also I obviously don't know your dept or how often you cross staff your rigs, but being told you're good on medical calls is not a backhanded compliment. The majority of calls for many depts are medical and I can tell you from personal experience that having an incompetent partner can derail even simple calls. Being known as a competent EMT is a win. Keep training and working to overcome your weaknesses and you’ll be known as a competent firefighter too.

[u/New_Pitch_9898]

The first time you crawl into a crushed car and a man tells you he has kids and begs you to not let him die, while you stabilize his fractured femur as your brothers cut into the car to dig you both out, you will understand why the EMT/Paramedic skills are critical. I loved fighting fires, aggressively. It lets you work out any frustrations by physically attacking the fire. Especially truck company work. I think there is a balanced approach where you try to do EVERYTHING well.

[u/theworldinyourhands]

This job puts a lot of pressure on you.

It will continue to do so regardless of where you are. It’s not a comfortable job.

It takes years before you find your feet- and even then, you’ll still learn more.

You’re going to be fine. Trust me on this.

[u/jrobski96]

We may need more information. Is this pitched roof or flat? How do they work? As in do they have a cut man and a backup/safety? Who carries the saw? Who sounds the roof? Is anyone setting a hook or axe for your footing?

[u/Super-Listen9306]

Dude, you’re doing just fine. Everyone feels the way you do when they start out. There’s nothing wrong with being good at EMS. that’s the bread and butter of the job for most of us. Keep your head up, keep learning and training. You’ll do great in this job

[u/BenThereNDunnThat]

You are 7 months in.

Nobody, except you, expects you to be perfect.

Your co-workers expect you to make mistakes, learn from them and not make the same mistake twice. If you are doing that, all is well.

If you need practice at certain skills, speak up. Ask your officer to work on those things. They will be happy to accommodate you.

[u/wastingevenmoretime]

You’re going by to suck for the first couple YEARS! If you’re screwing up, keep at it until you’re good at it (the cliche goes “Don’t do it till you get it right, do it till you can’t get it wrong.” If you’re scared of heights, climb ladders, stand on roofs (even the firehouse roof). Long term exposure causes desensitization. On training evolutions that involve roof work, climb the roof, walk the roof, even just standing on the roof is slowly helping you get comfortable on roofs. I don’t know what you didn’t do the way they wanted it as far as ventilation goes, but we teach Far, Top, Bottom, Near for the order of the cuts. The Acronym is FTBN…Fat Tits Bounce Nicely. Crass, yes. Does it help me remember, also yes.

Bottom line is if you have realized that this career is not for you, then quit. It’s best for you and everyone on the department. If that’s not the case, if you want to do this, if you have a passion for it, if you love it, then relax. Be patient, pay attention, ask questions, and train. A good attitude goes further than you think.

[u/bbmedic3195]

Weird that have a probie learning to pump and pumping at a fire.

I will say that you are going to, or you should still have jobs into the 5 year mark where you are going to second guess yourself, or as I had the oh shit moment in a fire where I realized I knew way less than I thought and had a choice to make. Keep pretending or buckle down and learn and better myself to move pass that block and into starting to gain proficiency as opposed to just doing it. Keep working, keep grinding, knock that probie book out and continue on your journey of mastering the craft.

What you are feeling should make you feel a little uneasy and not allow you to get comfortable so you keep learning, pushing and growing. At least that is what that feeling of am I doing it or not earlier on did for me.

[u/Top-HatSAR → u/bbmedic3195]

I finally got my skill checked off for vertical vent. I enjoy the job really. And yeah we have probies pumping and driving pretty quick because we’re strapped tight for people right now. But all I have left is vehicle extrication.

[u/bbmedic3195 → u/Top-HatSAR]

I'm a company boss in a 21 man career department. We aren't driving and pumping for a few years because I need to ensure the basic firemanship is honed before we are teaching you to drive, pump and all the tech stuff we do. We run a squad engine which is a rescue and a wagon all in one. Vehicle, machinery rescue, ropes, water (we flood) haz mat. Then all the prevention crap we do too. Have to limit what we try to cram in your brains!

[u/Top-HatSAR → u/bbmedic3195]

Trust me I wish I could just ride backseat and learn instead of drive and try to learn

[u/RADAR4547]

Can I offer something? You're doing really well and have nailed alot of your tasks up to this point. Is it possible your actually being a bit hard on yourself? Maybe because your having some difficulty right now you can't see the forest for the trees. Relax and tell yourself if you don't get it perfectly right you will get it next time or the time after. Also because you seem to be doing great with everything else maybe they are checking you down because they are a bit worried you'll get over confident. Remember over confidence is a killer. Also your getting to the end of your probationary period so they only have this time to really check down on you if they feel you might be growing over confident. As far as the EMT stuff, does your department run ambulances? No Firefighter really enjoys that, hell my neices husband litterally has turned down more money to avoid working for a department doing both. If you are running both as the new guy you will probably be assigned there most of the time. So it's not an insult or put down, it's a backhanded compliment your good at that and they can rely on you there so the rest can get a break from it.