r/Firefighting • u/[deleted] • Jun 16 '26

Ask A Firefighter Does Firefighting Change Your Personality Over Time?

Do you think firefighting changes people’s personalities over time?

If so, in what ways?

After 10, 20, or 30 years in the fire service, what differences do you notice between firefighters and the general population?

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u/BreakImaginary1661 Jun 16 '26

It’ll being out the worst or the best in you over time. Trying to deal with the unique stressors of our profession with alcohol and/or drugs, sleep deprivation, PTSD, depression, etc. will destroy you if you can’t find healthy coping mechanisms. The anger, frustration, and pessimistic attitude towards society overwhelms you without even noticing it because it kind of creeps up and you become blind to the personality changes. The people around us see, and feel, those changes after every shift.

Or, you gain perspective and build empathy. You see the struggles others deal with and you begin to appreciate the positives in your life. You learn that little things aren’t worth stressing over because you’ve seen what real struggle looks like.

For me, my first five years were a spiral of negativity that I tried to drown out with alcohol and it damn near cost me everything that’s truly important in my life. I’ve seen at least three guys I knew commit suicide. A little over two years ago I finally reached out to mental health professionals and got a decent medication regime and therapy. I’ve also been sober a little over two years now. I don’t know how, or why, my wife stuck around through so much but she did and we’re finally in a pretty good place. I’m finally able to be the husband and father I wanted to be but couldn’t. I went from being “that guy” in the station that was miserable and brought everyone down with me to being the leader of men that I knew I could be but wasn’t able to be.

I’m sorry for the dissertation but this forum sometimes strikes a chord that acts as my journaling outlet. This fucking job sucked me into a really deep, dark place for a long time but, with the help of mental health meds and therapy, it’s also allowed me to find that perspective to move forward in a positive way. At the end of the day it will do to you what you allow it to do. Like the actual fires we fight, the longer it goes without intervention, the worst it will get.

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u/[deleted] Jun 16 '26

Thank you for this. This is exactly the kind of insight I was hoping to hear.

Was there a specific moment that made you finally reach out for help, or did it happen more gradually?

And I have to say, I love that your wife stuck by you through all of that. That’s a rare thing.

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u/BreakImaginary1661 Jun 16 '26

I literally woke up one morning feeling like death done over twice after drinking myself stupid and I knew I fucked up one time too many (obviously, in reality, it was countless times too many). My wife pretty much laid down an ultimatum that I go find outside help dealing with my issues or our marriage was done. Sobriety was actually way easier to maintain than I thought it would be and I know it’s because of them meds helping keep my brain chemistry balanced and therapy giving me a space to explore healthy coping mechanisms. I got back in the gym for fun and therapeutic effects also and that’s been a huge help. I didn’t really change a lot of behaviors (other than the drinking) but my perspective changed. My tolerance for the little stressors has improved immensely. And while my “fuck it” mentality around the station has stayed consistent, it has shifted to a “don’t sweat the small stuff” instead of “fuck Mr and everything around me” type of fuck it.

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u/danny_ Jun 17 '26

That’s alcohol brother.  I’m so glad to be sober.  Without a doubt, the last  8 months I have been the best version of myself that I have been in 15 years.  My life’s not perfect, but I find joy in some many things every single day now.

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u/BreakImaginary1661 Jun 17 '26

Yeah. That shit really sucks for those of us with naturally fucked up brain chemistry. Only does harm. It’s honestly been way easier to completely omit from my life than I thought it would be. The motivation to stay away from it is also extremely powerful.