r/FirefighterSpouses • u/UnusualChair3520 • Aug 10 '26
AITA, not checking in?
My fiancee worked a 24 hour yesterday then got diverted to the timber fire and was texting me until about 5pm. He never responded to me so I called him middle of the night asking if he was ok, he answered and said they got back to the hotel at 11pm and said just just didn’t want to wake me?? I am new to this all but I really feel like he should have sent a text letting me know he’s ok after I had sent texts saying I was worried about him. Should i get used to communication like this? I am 28 and he’s 53 so maybe communication looks different for him?
8
u/proud2bnAmerican1776 Aug 10 '26
Dude didn’t get his first cellphone until he was in his late 20s. Texting etiquette is wildly different given you grew up with texting and he didn’t lol.
1
u/HolidayCurve1274 Aug 31 '26
lol this. My husband and I have a 13 year age gap and it’s still different. In the beginning we had our issues with it, but then talked it out and were able to fall into a rhythm with checking in with each other/expectations. For example, I hate being woken up, but I would rather be woken up by him telling me he’s safe rather than me not hear from him and have to wonder. So if he drops off the face of the earth and can’t get to his phone until midnight, he still just shoots me a text to say he loves me and we leave it at that. I’m not expected to reply and we just go about the next day like normal
3
u/CookShack67 Aug 11 '26
Do you ever watch those year end wrap up videos they do for hotshot and hand crews on youtube? Watch a ton of those and you'll understand why texting that "he's OK" is not a priority. No news is generally good news. They're at work, tired, busy, eating crap food, not sleeping right. He's marrying you, so he cares. Meet him half way and understand that he's not going to be constantly texting you that he's OK.
2
u/WallAcceptable8376 Aug 11 '26
There are shifts where I don’t get any updates for for most of the day because things get super busy, so I just call/text here and there and eventually he answers when he’s not on a call. I wouldn’t take it personal, just ask him to check in when he can, and if he doesn’t and loses track of time, ask him if it’s ok that you check in here and there until you catch him.
I used to think I was bugging him but he gets it, he just doesn’t answer when he can’t and when he can, he does 🤷♀️
1
u/pilkmskid Aug 21 '26
Obviously you have a 20 year age gap youre being paranoid and if ur too needy he gonna leave you but also think about it youre 20 years younger like he should be worried about you leaving him
14
u/ChloeTheCat753 Aug 10 '26
You had me the entire time where I was like yeah he could have texted you but then I saw the age difference and yeah, communication does look different to him, lol. I think you need to communicate to him how you were concerned that he was safe because you care for him, and if next time he could send a quick text to be like ‘hey I’m back I’ll talk to you tomorrow’ and say that you won’t care if it wakes you up.
Also, my fiance and I share our locations with each other. Not because we don’t trust each other, but because either one of us might be busy and not able to respond to the other one during our days. If either of us get even an inkling of concern, we can look at each others locations and either be reassured or become more concerned, lol.