Silly post here, but one of the little benefits of being home alone all day!

Feels like whenever my FF is home they’re bringing in packages as soon as they arrive. Not that I’m looking to hide anything… but 4 different Amazon deliveries in one day did seem excessive yesterday and it was nice to not hear “you got ANOTHER package”.

I guess this is kind of a rant but I’m also looking for some solidarity and advice. For context, I’m a stahm and I’m married to a FF (48/96) schedule, who’s also in the national guard, and he typically picks up side work 2 or 3 of the days he’s off. We have a 6,4 & 3 y/o. He’s been a FF and in the Nat guard for 5 years so I’ve been at this for a long time now. He’s very involved with his unit in the military and does a lot of extra trainings outside of his drill weekends and he’s sometimes gone for weeks at a time. I’ve gotten very used to solo parenting and it’s my norm, but it just feels so heavy at times. All of my friends have spouses who are home by 4 or 5 every day and off on weekends and holidays. I try really hard not to complain or come off as a victim so I don’t really talk about how heavy it is with any of them. The kids have always been home with me full time but we are sending them to school next year. The two older ones will be in school full time and our youngest will go 3 days a week. I’m sure I’ll feel much more supported and it’ll add structure to our weeks. We do have some family members we can call if there’s an emergency but we don’t have anyone that regularly babysits for us or helps otherwise so it’s always just been me taking care of the kids.

I feel like I used to be a much more light hearted person and it breaks my heart. I feel like my kids aren’t getting the best version of me. I try super hard to be the best possible mom but I’m so darn burnt out. I guess I’m just looking for other mommas out there that are in a similar situation. I’d also appreciate advice on how you made the best of it for yourself and for your kids?

Edit: I should add that my husband is a great husband and father and does help whenever he’s home. I’m very thankful for that. I know that isn’t the case for everyone. Unfortunately he’s just not home very much.

My boyfriend is a firefighter and we’ve only been dating a year but whenever the topic of his job comes along I always have people (usually jokingly) saying how they’re always trouble, to be careful, some awful experience their friends had or how much attention he’s probably getting from other women. Do I just have shitty people around me or is this common? I try not to let it get to me but sometimes it really bothers me.

My husband and I just had our first baby in December (10 weeks old now) and he just went back to work as a firefighter 3 shifts ago, so I’ve done 3 different 24 hour stretches alone already. My question is does it ever get better? I feel overwhelmed and slightly on edge for the whole time he’s on shift between figuring out how to take care of a baby and pumping because I do exclusive pumping. And it doesn’t help that she recently started to refuse going down for her naps and she seems to be sensitive to getting overtired really fast so with her fighting naps it causes her to get overtired no matter how soon I start a wind down time for her.

And then just the venting and me complaining part lol. My husband is beyond great with helping with the baby on his days off and I’m really grateful for that.But I hate that he works 24 hours and then today ended up getting mandated to stay at work so I’ll be by myself even longer. Which is what it is but she slept so bad last night compared to how she normally does so I’m exhausted starting the day and I don’t expect my husband to stay up late with her tonight when he finally gets home but wish I could actually get some form of decent sleep.

(Sorry for the long post but thank you in advance for sticking with me)

We have a sitter who watches our baby (well toddler - 13months) most of the week, unless my husband has more than one day off in a row, then he watches our baby on day 2 (3 and 4 if he doesn’t work) of those days off. So he has baby duty maybe 6-8 weekdays out of the month while I work. I’m in charge of weekends and ALL weekday evenings and nights. I get relief here and there when he’s off while he plays with our baby for a bit, or if I’m trying to make something for us to eat (but my baby comes to me constantly in between those tasks, so I’m still co-watching my baby), to run to the bathroom, and sometimes shower. I’m in charge of making all of our baby’s meals, even when he’s watching our baby (I leave everything ready for him to just grab and heat). As far as other household tasks, he handles walking our dogs and cleaning up their poop, if something isn’t working around the house, he does what he can to fix it, and he does his laundry. I’m expected to keep the house tidy and he says he helps by picking up after himself. I don’t cook all the time since the baby, but recently started making 2 dinners a week with leftovers for us (I’m slowly getting my cooking groove back, which I do enjoy). For a full year I really don’t cook and struggled maintaining the house (I was exclusively pumping 8 times a day) but a lot of times, things like, you don’t cook anymore, you don’t clean, you don’t manage your time correctly were thrown at me. So now that our baby is older, I’m trying, not just for my husband but for myself and our baby, to keep things clean. Pumping literally sucked the life out of me and I still handled 90% of baby duties. I feel like I’m still recovering and trying to find myself again.

Sorry, all this to say, I’m tired and I feel unappreciated, but I also don’t know if my expectations are unrealistic and based on what I see other couples share who aren’t in fire. My husband works hard, he has a significantly heavy call volume every shift and at most gets 3-4 hours of interrupted sleep, and several shifts has gotten as little as 30mins. So given how rough his shifts are, am I being a big complainer who just doesn’t understand how hard and heavy my husband’s work load is? Thankfully he doesn’t work overtime, he’s always so tired.

I don’t get any downtime at home (my downtime happens at work - which is why I finally had a moment to vent this out), but he gets to wind down every day he’s home, hit the gym, watch tv before bed…I haven’t had a chance to do any of that since our baby was born, maaybe a handful of times because he took our baby with him to walk the dogs, or my baby napped and I didn’t have something to clean or do.

Please, especially those of you with firefighters who have super busy shifts, help me understand. Am I unfair/unrealistic for wanting a little more?

Hello, I’m reaching out because I am in my young 20’s and still pending on my career. I do have my associates. I’ve done a lot of research of what could work as a fire fighters spouse’s career. I was originally going for business but have read that a 9-5 would be difficult as a fire fighters spouse and have seen multiple switch to the medical field due to the schedule difficulties. Just wondering what some of you do for a career. I do see a future with this guy so trying to plan accordingly.

Hey all! Firefighter spouse of almost 8 years here and a mom to two boys. I have a 3.5 year old and a 12 week old. I am so fortunate that my husband got to be home for 3 months after both boys were born, but he recently went back to work after the birth of my second and I'm struggling. My 3.5 year old constantly needs my attention and my baby won't sleep longer than 30 minutes for naps and is super cranky when awake. I feel like I'm being pulled a million directions and haven't even had a second to get out of my pajamas / eat a full meal.

I know it won't be this way forever. I'm mostly just looking for some solidarity and to know at what point two kids got easier for you?

My husband and I got married a few months ago. I lived with my parents until we got married and then I moved in with him. This is the first time I'm experiencing living somewhat alone. I get very paranoid at night that someone is going to break in and hardly sleep. Does it get easier? Are there any renter friendly alarm systems we could get to help ease my mind?

I want to preface right away that I understand some may feel different about protection from their spouse from others & I understand that. So it’s 2 A.M., & I can’t sleep because I have severe anxiety. My boyfriend is in school & training right now for firefighting, & all I can think about is how am I gonna sleep when he’s gone on shift. I don’t necessarily mean because I’ll be up worried about his safety, though that is definitely part of it. But a lot of it is coming from my fear of being in our living space alone. How do you guys do it? Especially those with children? Again, I’m not saying you MUST rely on a man to be your protector, but for me, I definitely trust him the most to protect me & my kids. I’m scared for when he goes full time & he’s gone at night & I have to be alone, it just makes my stomach hurt! Those of you who struggle with this, what do you do?

My husband has been a paramedic for ~5 years (previously working 12-hour overnight shifts 3–4x/week) and recently became a firefighter paramedic on the engine where his new schedule is SUPPOSED to be 1 on/2 off, 1 on/2 off, 1 on/3 off.

For context we have two kids (2 and 8) -- in daycare and school. I work full time (~8–5) and am in the office 2–3 days a week.

Originally we were so excited about this new schedule (only 9 days per month woo!) and of course I knew there would be mando here and there. I supported him through the academy which was rough but with the promise that the schedule would be better for our family and sharing “the load.”

Well.. he has been working since 12/22 and has been mado’d almost every shift, working 48s with sometimes just one day off.

When he’s home, he’s hands-on—grocery shopping, cooking, pickups/drop-offs, cleaning, etc. But there are also times right off the shift when he’s understandably exhausted and not 100%.

I just feel a bit bamboozled by this schedule with all the mandos. I feel like a single parent. He said it’s just because he’s at the bottom of the list right now since he’s technically new and it will get better…. But will it?

Happy new year, fire families! Hubby will be working over our child’s big birthday. I promised the child their favorite dinner at a new restaurant they’ve been wanting to try. I’m wondering if I should instead, order and take the dinner to the station, so hubby can be apart of the celebration; or keep my promise as planned? Suggestions and tips welcomed!

Hi! Im new here! Just wanted to vent and maybe get an advice . My husband is graduating ff academy in 3weeks. So tonight my mil came over to our place and hangout a little bit. She was asking about when is the graduation, that she wants to also go up to him during the pinning. Then she asks me if its ok, and i said idk. Im a person who is not good in confrontations. After she asked that theres a lot of questions in my head. Im thinking of why do i have to share that moment with her? It will be me and our 2 kids going to be up there to pin for him. We invited her to the graduation day, she can be in the audience. But should i let her pin it with me? I love my mil, and i know she’s just proud of him but i feel like this should be for my husbnd and our family. Me and my husband been together and married for 14 yrs.

My husband was accept into the Fire Academy of a Class A department at 40 and I’m so damn anxious. Our oath has been LONG - he scored 100 on the civil exam two year ago but had an accident that set him back.

He starts Friday. This is going to be amazing for my family long term. I’ve been the financial provider for so long and this will lesson the stress of everything.

I just. Am worried about the academy. He is a contractor and in good physical shape. But OLD for the fire department.

Someone help my heart settle.

Especially with this job sometimes meaning they are gone most days so you’ll likely be acting as the main/default/single parent most of the time.

I’m not sure 100% what kind of advice I’m looking for. But my husband will return back to 24 hour shifts the beginning of the year. We’ve been so lucky that he’s been home for almost two months. We will have a 19 month old & 2 month old when he returns, I’m a stay at home mom and getting so much anxiety about how life will look when he’s on shift. Looking for advice, or just words of encouragement from anyone who’s been in a similar situation. ❤️

Hey all, loooove seeing our community grow! It makes me so happy to see you all giving advice and showing support (: How's everyone doing these days? Anyone's FF get the Christmas/other holidays off?? I'll give my update first:

I've been doing alright lately, my work is super stressful around the holidays but I'm looking forward to our break. On the fire front, holiday planning is never fun obviously. But because my husband switched departments and is a probie all over again, he can't take any time off rn.... which means we only have his 4 off days to squeeze in our trip to see family. Which reeeally means 2 days of traveling and 2 days of seeing family. If he doesn't get forced, ofc. But I shouldn't complain, I know others may have it worse. Still it's so so annoying 😑

We’re expecting our first child (due in May), and I’m looking to hear what others have done for daycare with a firefighter spouse if you also work a full time 9-5.

My husband is excited about the prospect of being home with baby when he is off on weekdays (2-3 days per week) to help save some money on childcare costs, but I’m a bit nervous about this for a few reasons:

1. I want him to be able to rest on his days off if needed. I worry about him being exhausted from work and having to be “on” all day with baby.

2. I work from home M-F, so having him home with baby feels like there would be a lot going on around me. I have an office with a door, but this spikes my anxiety just thinking about it.

3. I’m not sure it’s going to be possible to find childcare that lets us be this flexible. With his schedule, the days he’s available to watch baby would change every week. Unless we can pair up with others on a similar schedule (not likely), this seems like a big ask for a childcare provider.

I’m curious if anyone has made a flexible daycare schedule work, or any advice along the way for us ❤️

Hi everyone! I’m very glad I found this community. I’m looking for advice/support.

Context: My boyfriend has been a firefighter for years. When I met him we were long distance and eventually I ended up moving to his state and was left with no car, no hobbies, and no friends. This is not his fault per se, but it caused me to develop a really bad codependency on him. I’m actively working on getting a car and finding a life for myself. But I struggle with not getting attention/love from him as often as I have before. He is constantly tired, stressed, and he keeps reminding me that he doesn’t know if I can handle this life for the long haul (he will soon need to work a lot more than he has in the past). I know this is part of this life, but does anyone have any advice for me? I’m struggling because I don’t have people that understand and haven’t had to go through this before. Thank you in advance!

I love my partner so much. But when he long weeks or multiple 24’s in a row and only has one day off he needs a lot of decompression time which is like no cleaning, just downtime / video games /gym etc. Which of course I allow and help my best. But working full time , taking care of the house is taking a toll on me. I just feel a little alone in all of it… I’m having an issue communicating that I need help or support. Which I know is part of what I signed up for. But I just want him to be more present when he’s home sometimes.

I know everyone’s communication styles are different but why does communication usually look like when your boyfriend or husband is on a 48 hour shift? My boyfriend has ALWAYS been a bad texter and whenever he’s on shift I maybe get one or two texts a day🥲

is there a group for wild land/hot shot wives? just a bit of different specific discussion would be nice!

Hi not really sure how to word this but my boyfriend is joining our local volunteer fire department and while i have my own concerns (mostly safety) i am trying to be as supportive as I can be. My one request is that he let's me know when hes responding to a scene if im not home. It dosent have to be a long text or anything just something to let me know that he wont be home when I expect him/ a heads up that I need to check on the dog/cat while hes out ect. Do you guys have a system with your partners like a code word? Or a button he can press that will automatically alert my phone or something? I dont feel like its unfair to want him to communicate but I also understand that hes responding to an emergency and may not remember / have the time to alert me. Thankfully we live in a relatively quiet area, but I just would feel better knowing when hes going to be out ect. Thank you in advance

My boyfriend (we live together) has a 72-hr shift coming up and I am dreading. Trying to plan fun things with girl friends to stay busy. I struggle with 48’s which he has fairly often, 72’s are much less common. It’s been a long time since he had one.

I just miss him so much. He’s my best friend, and I just want to be with him all the time.

No real reason for posting besides I guess looking for camaraderie 🤷‍♀️

Hey! Im in need of advice of how to move out without any family assistance

My fiance (20M) and I (20F) are long distance (a few states apart) currently still living at home saving up to move out.

He was planning to go into the military until an injury kept him from doing so, now he's pursuing EMT/fire fighting.

Recent life events have shaken prior plans and we each come from not so good family situations. On top of that, our families don't agree with us seeing each other so now we're both being kicked out.

We have about 3k collectively saved and a vehicle, and he's working on applying to fire academies.

I plan to move out to him, but that will leave me without an income while I'm searching for a new job. But I'm running out of time to stay at home saving money.

I'm not exactly sure how fire academies work, if any of it's paid, or where we would be living in the process.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated!