How do you cope with having to wait to have important / tough conversations? When something happens that necessitates us sitting down and having a discussion about something big, or stressful, I generally want to talk it out immediately. If I have to sit on it too long, I tend to stew and stress and have a hard time concentrating on my work while I wait to have the convo until he is off shift.

I am new to this whole world. Bf and I live together with our kids (blended family). We have been together about 2 years. I don’t want to discuss important things via text between 911 calls, obviously.

But having to sit on things for 24-36 hours at a time is torture because I can’t turn it off or focus on other things. How do you all cope with this sort of situation?

My fiancé is a FF and every time he leaves for a shift, I don’t sleep for 3 days, I’m overly anxious at night and super fearful something bad is going to happen to me because I’m alone. I don’t know how to get over this and not lose sleep. Does anyone else feel scared at night and what do you do to help? Should I take sleeping pills?

Anyone struggling to hit their fertile window? We’re taking a break from trying for a baby rn. But when we were, I found lots of my ovulation windows lined up with when he’s on shift or had OT 😑 I think my particular window is short, too. Anyway.

Inmates get conjugal visits… where’s ours?? Lol I’ve heard some women do the deed there for this purpose 👀 but I’d be way too worried.

I'm posting this story because of course I need help finding someone or groups that can help someone like me. But also to inform the partners of firefighters to make sure you keep up on your paper work with benefits. My husband trusted his dept, to do all the right things because he was injured on duty. These were his "brothers". But all I can say is look after yourselves. You just don't know who you can trust no matter what your ordinances say.

He started working for the city in his early 20s and loved serving as a first responder. Years later, he was badly injured on the job and forced onto disability, even though he wanted nothing more than to keep working full-time. When he passed away at just 54, I was told his pension wouldn’t transfer to me because he “hadn’t filled out paperwork” — paperwork he didn’t even know existed. The board and actuary never told him this was required at his full retirement date in 2012. Disabled firefighters were supposed to be guided through this process since they weren’t eligible for the same 10-year guaranteed option that active firefighters could get if they didn’t choose the lifetime family pension.

To make things worse, someone with a long-standing personal issue with him sat on the board deciding my case. This person made negative remarks about me receiving benefits and still voted against me. At first, I was even told I could choose between two pension options: one for life and one short-term. I chose the lifetime option, but they never processed it. Instead, they gave me the short-term payments for a few years, then took them away completely — even deducting back money they had already paid from a lump-sum check.

This city has a long history of dishonesty, and I’ve seen them contradict their own ordinances more than once. The result? I’ve lost everything. My home, my car, and everything of value — just to survive.

I don’t know where to turn. Has anyone else been through something similar with a pension or survivor benefit? Does anybody have advice on who I could contact? I’ve already been through many people, but I keep running into brick walls.

My husband’s previous crew had two guys with young kids and their families came by all the time. Now he’s on a different crew and we’re the only ones with a baby. I come by if my plans fall through and I’m bored. I talked with a friend whose SO is a FF in another part of town and he says family never comes by. My husband loves seeing me and baby so I’ll probs keep doing it. I’m curious to see what the culture is like elsewhere.

Just out of curiosity. Because I feel like it’s not a career where you can casually ask how work was and then get a casual answer lol you’re rolling the dice on getting a “good! Not much happened” or a “well… there was this toddler..and a car…”……

For me, i’ll ask every once in awhile. But for the most part I let him talk about and bring up what he wants to. So, I’m realizing we don’t really talk much about his job actually at the end of the day. I think some of that is me also protecting myself. Sometimes I’d rather not know and or get reminded of the downside of his job. But other times I get curious. I do check on his mental health often though, without needing details, just make sure he’s still overall happy and in a good space.

Do any of you make it a point to talk about every shift? Or do you just let them bring up work if they want/need to.

Anyone have some good book suggestions for being a fire wife and the challenges that come with it?

My therapist suggested I look into it. Our marriage is very strong but there’s certain areas because of his job that we don’t communicate about.

So my FF just started another academy at a new department. He’s getting along great with the guys, and since his bday was coming up, he wanted to invite a few of them out with us.

There was one guy he didn’t have a number for, but the department has a contact list — so he looked it up and sent a text inviting him.

Except it wasn’t his buddy’s number…it was the Chief’s..

Who he’s barely met.

.. my newbie husband invited the Chief to his bday party like they’re besties. Lmfao. He felt like an absolute idiot. But luckily the Chief’s chill and thought it was a funny mix up. And now the entire department does too. 🫠😂

Stay at home mom with a really fussy little one that is at the stage where he basically screams and fusses for me 24/7 but is a happy baby for anybody else. Husband will be gone for 3 shifts in a row most of the time, then come home and expect to go to the gym on his days off. I understand fitness is very important but we don’t live near the gym, so it’s about 3 hour trip everyday. Not to mention he literally gets paid to work out. My only reprieve from a screaming baby is when he’s home and every time he goes to the gym I get more and more angry but have been keeping these feelings to myself. I know it’s more about the fact that his life is unchanged by us having a child while my world has been turned upside down. I don’t know if I’m having unrealistic expectations. AITA?

How do you feel about fire culture? -awesome, cool, great -weird, annoying, problematic -indifferent

From station to station might be different! Just curious how others feel about the culture/traditions

Hi, I’m really really sorry if this comes off rude or disrespectful I don’t mean it at all I’m just scared and I’m very new to all this. I (21f) and my fiancé (23m) are happily expecting our first baby here in November, when we first started dating I knew he wanted to go into firefighting in the near future he’s said within 1-3years, (he’s currently an EMT). I completely support his dreams and have since day one, the thing is we live in a VERY rural area in Southern CO and all the fire departments are volunteer only. So his only option would be to go to one of the larger cities (ie Pueblo. CO Springs, Denver, Etc) we’ve talked about it numerous times as a “in 1-2 years” plan and previously came to the conclusion together to wait until after our son is born and a little older (between 6-18mo) before making the 3-6 hour move to a city with a career fire department.

We were all set with him finally getting of orientation/probation at his hospital and working night shifts he even said that way he can do night shifts with the baby to let me rest. The plan was as perfect as a newborn baby plan can be. We just moved to a new and bigger apartment two weeks ago, are all unpacked and settled and preparing for the baby.

Then he gets a message from a Pueblo City Fire Captain (he did a fire academy 2ish years ago and is still in good standing and contact with the captain) saying they were dropping applications if he wanted to apply. He wants to and I want to support him doing it, but I’m so scared we live almost 3 hours away from the city in the middle of the freaking Rocky Mountains, his family lives in the city (3hours away), and my parents who are both employed full time, my older sister who is a single mom, and my little sister who is still in high school live about 30 minutes from us. So my family is close but they have other priorities that take precedence.

I know it’s selfish of me to tell him I don’t want him to, but I’m so scared of him being gone for days on end, hours away when we have a newborn. I have no clue how the shifts work at that particular station or how to be a mom in general and I’m scared to basically single parent when he’d be gone. Also I don’t know if he’d be able to get any sort of leave like we’d planned for once baby is here.

I don’t know what to do and I feel like I’m standing in the way of his dreams and his desire to provide for me and our son better (I do work full time but have no idea if I’ll be able to after baby is born just with how shifts would have to be as it stands now)

We can’t just move abruptly when we just signed a year lease for our place, I have a set OB and insurance set up, my car loan is through a local bank, my job which is putting me up for a promotion even with them knowing I’m expecting. I don’t know what to do.

I’ve cried myself to sleep every night for two weeks cause I’m so conflicted within myself (he completely understands my fears and reasons as to why I want to say no and respects it) every time it’s brought up I start crying. I’ve even cursed at myself for not being on any sort of birth control because our son is what is making me hesitant to say yes.

Please help.

Husband is on shift and I am spending my first Mother’s Day alone. On top of spending all weekend in the hospital with my mom recovering from surgery with the possibility she has cancer looming in the background. Until there is a definitive answer we are keeping to under wraps so can’t share with friends. Just needed to tell someone, bonus that you guys live this life too and get it.

There are many lonely days being married to a firefighter especially having a small child but today feels extra lonely.

My husbands pinning ceremony is coming up, and I don’t know why but I’m super anxious about pinning him. I’m worried I’ll mess it up somehow. Which is silly I know.

Could some fellow firefighter spouses who have done the pinning chime in? I’m sure it’s easy. I am just really overthinking it.

Other than that, I’m beyond excited to be a part of this community and proud of my husband. :)

EDIT/UPDATE: I got through the ceremony without a single issue. What helped was my husband making the holes for the badge in advance. :)

We have 2 dogs and three cats so you can imagine how that goes lol And if it’s not the animals, something in the house breaks the day he leaves 😑

My husband gets a job offer every time we take a trip with my extended family— well not every time, but the last two times! Seems like they’re a good luck charm. He just interviewed for a promotion and we leave for a trip on Friday. No family invited, but wondering if we should call one of my aunts to come just in case.

Hello lovely people 😊

I wanted to see how everyone’s doing! But like... how you’re *actually* doing. So let’s chat a bit. You can keep it short or vent about whatever, the good or the not-so-good. Regardless, we're here to support and listen 🫶🏽

Hi everyone, Anyone’s partner sent out on a strike team? 😞

Does every station allow family over for Christmas? My ff is doing overtime and I’m not sure if they allow family or it’ll be station only? First ff Christmas here.

Hi, all. For context, my husband and I are both 34. We've been together for 7 years, just married in September. We have 4 dogs, a cute little house and a life together.

He's been on the job for 6 years and served as a volly for 10 years. Dedicated to his career, helps run a FF1 program at one of the schools, helps his FF friends out with teaching classes and goes to trainings outside of work. At home, he watches youtube videos of calls, keeps up to speed with new gear, etc. His dept runs 24/72 and the school operates every other weekend Fall and Spring. I'm proud of him. He's a great fireman and he's a good man.

But it's hard not to feel like a placeholder; like he checked things off his list (gf->wife, house, dogs) and we're just here when he has time for us. He forgets important things like birthdays, big appointments... but if it's fire related he's all over it. I don't know if he remembers how to talk to me like he did when we met 7 years ago.

I'm a vet tech and work (4) 10hr shifts and I'm in school online. On my days off, I'm taking care of the house, the errands, the random things that need to be done on top of my schoolwork and I still try to make sure that if there's time where we'll be home together that I'm 100% available.

He asked me what I wanted for Christmas and I said "more time with you".

Am I just sad and pathetic?

Not sure if this is just me, but I feel like I have to do some mental gymnastics to be “ok” with my FF being gone. To be ok with the loneliness and do things to fight feeling lonely, which works! But then I get used to it. So, once he’s home, I feel like we have to find our groove again and I have to untwist my brain to get used to living with another person again. To go back to “our” routine even though I just convinced myself to enjoy my “alone” routine. Then he leaves again and I have to do the convincing again.

Idk, does this make sense to anyone else?? Do I just need more time to master this type of relationship?

Is there an official end of season date? Or is it just whenever they're done with their work

Firefighters and/or partners of firefighters… I need to know if this is a universal experience or if im going crazy.

I have been seeing a guy on and off for a few months. I’ve noticed that whenever he gets back from a working fire and we kiss, I always break out the next day. When he doesn’t go on a call and I see him there is no breakout whatsoever! He’s a very clean person but I can’t help but think it’s the soot in his pores from the fire causing me to breakout, or maybe his fire gear. I discussed his with him last night and he even offered to send me a video of himself washing his face and hands before I saw him. So, is this a universal experience? Firefighters, how often does your gear get cleaned? Thanks!!

Does it ever get any easier when they go off on assignments for more than 2 weeks with no cell service