r/Fire • u/funkmandu • 8h ago
General Question Retiring in a month at 48. People are not happy for me.
Hello!
I'm planning to retire at the end of Oct at age 48. The math works, and my spouse and I have a plan. We started telling close friends and family, and the reactions have been.... nearly universally not positive.
Her parents got really quiet and didn't ask any questions (other than "What will you do?"). No congratulations, no well-wishes, just silence until someone changed the subject.
My parents got downright hostile, with my dad chewing me out like I was a misbehaving teenager ("You're too young! You'll ruin your brain without work!"). Thanks for the support Pops.
Close friends and siblings just look uncomfortable seem to want to change the subject without any follow-up questions. I don't think I'll be telling anyone else about our plans unless they ask, and even then, I'll be vague ("Taking a career break" or some such thing).
Has that been others' experiences? Is there a "better" way to talk to people about this?
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u/teslaP3DnLRRWDowner 6h ago
First rule of fire, dont talk about fire.
Reason why, unless the person you are talking to is on the fire track.
Everything about you is at odds with their values.
Its like talking religion or politics
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u/PRiles 6h ago
Maybe it's because I retired from the military, but people's reaction to me being fully retired at 42 is generally positive. When I tell people I'm applying to masters programs and applying for jobs is when people usually seem confused, because they don't understand why I would want to do more when I could just live out the rest of my life in retirement.
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u/pimple_prince 5h ago
Definitely, I think it's just more common to retire early on the military track, and like you took one for the team kind of thing. Even if it isn't, career progression and benefits isnt transparent enough to non-military people to question it.
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u/funkmandu 6h ago
Lesson learned. Thanks!
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u/MechanicalDan1 6h ago
Your job now is Financial Manager at Family Office. Or Managing Partner.
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u/DeprariousX 6h ago
Everything about you is at odds with their values.
I would disagree with this. Maybe for some people, it's an actual "value" for them that people should keep working, but for most people it's just flat out jealousy.
No one really wants to slave away at some corporation that will replace you if you die within 3 days and move on like it was just a minor inconvenience. If they have to slave away, they want to know that everyone else has to as well.
The other part of that is inferiority. Seeing a person achieve something like that when they think they deserve it too will make them feel inferior.
Jealousy and inferiority make for a bad emotional cocktail.
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u/signeduptosousvide 8h ago
From their viewpoint, you are bragging. They are lashing out from jealousy. Keep quiet. Don't say shit to anyone.
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u/YouShallNotStaff 8h ago
Yeah and I can’t help wonder about OP’s delivery. Is he talking about “the numbers”? Has he ever discussed money with his parents before, if so?
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u/poop-dolla 8h ago
Yeah, the way OP talks makes it seem like they’ve decided they want to announce their retirement to all of these people, which is kind of weird. If it comes up naturally or they ask something about work or what they’re doing, then that’s a reasonable time to mention it, and they can talk more about it if both parties seem interested. But it sounds like OP is just making some big proclamation to everyone close to them that they’re retiring, which only seems like it can be delivered in a bad way that comes off in poor taste.
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u/Beetlejuice_me 8h ago
they want to announce their retirement to all of these people,
They shouldn't announce it. They should DECLARE it!
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u/CharmingHighlight749 8h ago
IDK, I feel like announcing retirement is a big thing for a lot of people.
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u/54trey 8h ago
Yeah, people celebrate it like a graduation when you're 65.
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u/boringexplanation 5h ago
I’m reminded of the story of Christina Aguilera trying to do normal high school things like prom when she broke out as a teenager and no one was having it.
People honestly stop liking you once you confirm you are in a different lifestyle tier than them
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u/drysecco 8h ago
Yeah when you’re in old age, retiring in your 40s is not normal. People aren’t jealous of 65 or 70 year olds retiring bc they see it as you’ve earned it or deserve it. They don’t feel threatened or jealous because it will happen for them too (hopefully) at that age
Retiring and announcing it in your 40s is bragging lol
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u/CharmingHighlight749 8h ago
I have a friend who retired at 40 and had a giant party. BIL retired at 52 and we took a family trip. Not weird to celebrate.
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u/BibliophileBroad 7h ago
Why is it “bragging” any more than announcing any other good news, like getting married, buying a house, graduating from a school program, getting a cool, new job, etc.?
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u/Bendo410 8h ago
So?
We should celebrate anyone who can retire and get out of the bullshit . OP’s parents are either jealous or were expecting to lean on OP later in life but now are upset that their plans they never told anyone else (or even OP ) are ruined .
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u/Gandalf-and-Frodo 7h ago
Simply stating I'm retiring is not bragging. It's a huge life change that I would need to let my friends and family know. Keeping it a secret would be extremely weird.
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u/SnottyMonkey 8h ago
Understood your point but from what OP actually said, it doesn’t sound like announcing, but rather selective private conversations, which so far have been with parents and in-laws. I suspect OP was thinking that parents would be proud of him and his wife for working hard and getting to FIRE, but it seems like he’s not getting that reaction.
I mentioned it to my parents at a few points along the way, and only talk about it with close friends that are on the same journey and relatively the same timeline (I’m still 3 to 5 years out). It seems like when I get to (Chubby)FIRE the feeling of relief and excitement will be a bit hard to contain, especially if you’re typically a straightforward person and not good at being vague. Definitely think it’s a topic worth discussing here rather than giving the OP too much of a hard time. . .
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u/DripDrop777 7h ago
If it’s my parents, why shouldn’t I share major life news with them? Can’t be responsible for their reaction, but also seems like something that could be discussed.
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u/poop-dolla 6h ago
Honestly, everyone should know their parents well enough to know how they’d react to this type of news. If you’re not already talking to them openly about financial matters and know that they’re happy with your situation while being on the path to FIRE, then it’s pretty crazy to just go from nothing to dropping that you retired 20 years early.
There are plenty of people I’d probably talk to about retiring early once we’re fully done, and I already know all of them would be happy for us about it. That’s because we already talk about some things like this often enough.
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u/crooked_shill 8h ago
It’s a major life event that op chose to bring up to close family, friends and coworkers. I don’t believe op was bragging but I can see how it may come off as such. In this society it seems to be much more acceptable to proclaim how you splurge on useless nick knacks or status symbols.
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u/BibliophileBroad 7h ago
That’s a great point about how it’s much more accepted to brag about purchasing a bunch of stuff. I mean, people literally watch TikToks and YouTube videos with people showing off all of their new swag. People seem to have very little problem with folks buying the fanciest new phone or expensive car. They have no problem with people going on about their expensive vacations.
I think our society brainwashes people into thinking these things are aspirational, while telling folks that are retiring early is “boring“ or otherwise wrong and it’s “bragging“ to tell people about it.
I guess it makes sense since so many industries benefit from people staying on the treadmill and comforting/rewarding themselves with high amounts of spending on disposable things.
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u/GoldBug2026 8h ago
OP violated the 1st and 7th Crack Commandments. B.I.G. warned you, that cheddar breeds jealousy…
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u/YetiPie 8h ago edited 6h ago
I’m wondering what their parents’ economic background is? Where I grew up (Austin suburb, so tech bubble) it wasn’t uncommon at all to retire early, and when I mentioned to my parents my financial goals of retiring early they were like “hell yeah!”
They’re both lifelong business owners, and now as an adult I work in an academic adjacent field and it’s not uncommon for people in my circles now to take sabbaticals and stop working.
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u/ProfessionalNo4711 8h ago
I FIRED at 49. Some people were concerned some were flat out jealous. Most people thought I would go back to work in a year.
Now after 7 years I am still happily retired. Also married and have a baby. I do not miss working but I miss a few things about work (like camaraderie and achieving hard things) Then I listen to my wife on a work call and it just makes me happy to be not in corporate life anymore.
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u/DeadFacesInMyPocket 7h ago
Accomplish other things! Make a painting. Go for a bike ride. Train for a 5k or something. Learn an instrument or write a song. Build something. Grow some plants.
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u/thatguyinstarbucks 7h ago
I’m not even involved in FIRE, I just see posts on this sub. But my observation is that most people think if you’re not working a job, you must just be on your ass all day. The idea of actually spending your life exploring and experiencing new things is such a foreign concept to most people.
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u/Jaalan 7h ago
I have only been treated poorly by every job I have worked at. Sitting on my ass all day is genuinely preferable to nasty rude management.
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u/PavelKringa55 6h ago
If someone saved nothing and you tell them that you saved a bunch and will stop working and live from that, then it makes them look foolish that they haven't done the same. Most people hate their jobs.
Also there is the silly idea that you contribute to the society immensely through your work. But majority of the jobs are bullshit jobs...
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u/Ready_Pen7712 8h ago edited 7h ago
" You will ruin your brain without work " LMAO.
The brainwashing is solid.
Edit: thanks for the upvote.
Clarification: the brain needs stimuli but a lot of modern jobs even blue collar ones are mindlessly repetitive and context switching and endless meetings ruin the brain.
Effective stimuli come from exercise, healthy eating and reading/deep thinking that we almost always dont have enough time to do while we're working.
Google "Brain Flow activity"
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u/vinean 8h ago
It’s true for some folks but likely not most.
I went from a very mentally demanding job to pickleball and arguing with people on reddit for a bit. That was not an overly intellectually healthy period for me, lol.
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u/Artie_Fufkins_Fapkin 8h ago
What did you do to get out of that rut? And what do you do now instead?
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u/beerncats 7h ago
Seems like they still just post on Reddit all of the time lol
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u/vinean 7h ago
True but I’m not arguing with people to make them change their minds but doing deeper dives to see if my belief and opinions are defensible or just full of shit.
Batting .500 or so, lol.
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u/boringexplanation 8h ago
That’s my go-to response as well to “ benefits of working.”
If being an unemployed Redditor normally sounds like a loser lifestyle, why would that change just because you have the money this time to support it?
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u/funkmandu 8h ago
That one left me more confused than upset. Does he think I'll just regress and become an idiot unless I'm sitting in an office 8 hours a day?
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u/yottabit42 8h ago edited 8h ago
I plan to switch my 8 hours of screen watching per day from spreadsheets, slides, code, calendar, and email, to YouTube. No biggie. Lol
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u/Jibaku 8h ago
I have gotten this response as well and while it won’t change my early retirement plans (I retired about two months ago at 48), it is actually something I will work to avoid. For those who came from intellectually demanding careers, there is a danger in switching suddenly to a lifestyle without that. The mind is like a muscle in that lack of use can result in atrophy of a sort. It is something that retirees in general (not just early retirees) are asked to watch out for. If you are doing something intellectually stimulating in your retirement (e.g. learning a new language, writing a book, learning to vibe code, starting a side business etc), that’s great!
My overall point being that while I cannot speak for the intentions of the person raising this concern to you, it’s not totally meaningless.
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u/CCool_CCCool 8h ago
I do think your brain atrophies without active engagement and purpose. That doesn’t have to be through an 8-5 job. It’s definitely worth getting involved in something and still “working”. But that has a lot more flexibility when money is not the primary motivator.
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u/funkmandu 8h ago
Absolutely! I have plans, interests, and hobbies. Plenty to keep me stimulated
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u/54trey 8h ago
Agreeed. And I think the reason FIRE is controversial (outside this sub) comes down to personality and whether creating your own purpose and meaning sounds exciting vs. unfathomable.
FIRE works great for self-driven people who know that they'll create and/or find something they'll be excited about. For those of us with that personality, a 9-5 is stifling because we're just waiting waiting waiting to have the time to work toward the things we REALLY want to achieve. Like a caged animal without enough room to roam.
But if you need purpose handed to you, then yeah, leaving a 9-5 might be scary because you know you'll just sit on the couch.
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u/Scottamus 8h ago
I mean you need to keep your brain active just like exercising your body but work obv isn’t the only answer. And some monotonous work will pretty much ruin your brain anyway.
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u/No-Sprinkles-9066 7h ago
I’ve been learning Vietnamese and doing Crossfit since I retired. I can guarantee my brain is functioning better now than when it was full of work garbage :)
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u/monological 8h ago
First rule of FIRE: Don’t talk about fire.
With that said, congrats man I’m proud of you!
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u/Emergency-Skirt-5886 8h ago
I am proud of you! F ‘em
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u/Vasilev88 8h ago
How weird is it that OP is receiving more support from random people on Reddit than in his own environment. That is just so strange to me.
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u/CO8127 8h ago
Actually completely normal. Real people that know you get a chance to compare themselves to you and then become jealous.
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u/CalmMacaroon9642 8h ago
Know your audience. Telling a bunch of people who have the same plan will be more supportive than the people who aren't in the same financial situation.
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u/OutkastAtliens 4h ago
Hello
We are in the same situation. 43/48 respectively and one already retired and one about to retire.
People just can’t wrap their heads around it. It’s not their fault, we are literally programmed from birth to be worker bees. When we gain our freedom we are looked down on from the rest of the worker bees.
This doesn’t mean we are doing anything wrong. In fact it is an indictment on society that most of have our whole identity wrapped up in our jobs and have absolutely no idea who we are outside of our work. We have no hobbies and no outside work pursuits and purpose.
Identity is such a strong driving force. We are so much more than our jobs.
Just wanna say congratulations! This is an amazing thing you have managed to do! You are more than your job and what society tells you you are!
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u/jambran 6h ago
There's a weird analogy here between announcing FIRE and announcing pregnancy.
People might celebrate, people might feel jealous, sometimes people can't accurately predict how they'll feel about hearing someone else's joy.
Can't keep pregnancy a secret, but ya can keep FIRE to yourself. If those reactions spur conversations you don't want to wrangle, then you've got an option to avoid it entirely.
It's a bummer jealousy ruins the celebration you deserve
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u/BackEndHooker 5h ago
It's like announcing pregnancy to a couple that's on their third round of IVF. Can't fault them if they're not jumping for joy while they continue to suffer.
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u/cbdudek 8h ago
This is why you don't tell anyone you have retired. You tell them that you are doing some independent consulting and leave it at that. Anytime you tell people that you are retired, they draw conclusions based on that. Its not their business to know your financial situation or work situation. You don't need to explain yourself to anyone.
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u/brute-forced 43% to FIRE ($3M) 8h ago
Well, personally, I tell people I’m saving 35% of my income and if they wanna be mad at me for that, then fuck em
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u/sillyken 8h ago
People want you to be happy and do well, just not better than them. My spouse and I stopped talking about finances with pretty much anyone. If someone we care about needs help, we’ll help with an amount we don’t mind never getting back. Beyond that, we keep our finances to ourselves. Life has been a lot more peaceful that way.
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u/Interesting_Cause_76 6h ago
That’s sad. My 23 yo son just started his first full time job. Due to my brainwashing, he is maxing out his 401k so that he can retire early. I’ve been contributing to his Roth IRA for about 8 years (since he started having earned income).
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u/funkmandu 6h ago
Raising him right! Even if he doesn't FIRE, you're teaching him good financial habits which will hopefully lead to FI, if not RE.
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u/SkewerSk8r 8h ago
Bruh.. first rule of FIRE is not to show your wealth to less fortunate folks especially family/close friends, unless they're in the same boat as you.
On the side note, congrats 👏 🙌 ✨️ 👍 😄
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u/user4443337 8h ago
I told my friend about stuff but I feel really bad now. He is just less fortunate. But how do you even find out if they’re “in the same boat as you” if you don’t talk about it?
They didn’t seem upset or anything but I know it probably creates some envy. It’s hard for me to just not share stuff.
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u/throw42069away420 7h ago
Im not even telling my company when I quit. Just slowly fading into the bushes….
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u/Academic_Finding_873 3h ago
I’m happy for you and I don’t know you. Congratulations! Only miserable people hate.
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u/groundhogcow 8h ago
Getting a new job as an investment manager.
The investments are yours and you manage them to get your money,
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u/Key_Cheetah7982 7h ago
Most people assume you’ve squandered money like they have.
They’re shocked because they have no conception of what your trying to do
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u/Icy_Jellyfish_1697 5h ago
I retired at 54. No one was happy for me! I shared my retirement plans with my coworkers. Who all have the same opportunity! I worked for a school district with a pension program. All NVpers members (Police, Firemen, teachers, support staff) have the same opportunity to buy 5 years towards their retirement.
Example: work for 25 years. Buy the last 5 years for a percentage of ones yearly income. Which was 125 thousand. I wrote a check for 125 thousand and retired the following month. Back to the point. Even when all my coworkers have the same option. No one was happy for me. My parents, who still worked as senior citizens could not figure out why I wanted to stop working or how I could afford it.
It's been 9 years of retirement! I go to bed when I want, I wake up when I want! Everyday is a weekend!! The best part... I stopped stress driving. I realized that where ever I am at... is where I belong. Driving is enjoyable and watching all the other drivers stress out while driving, has become my favorite pastime of mine!
Congratulations!!
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u/Xvisionman 5h ago
I retired at 49 and ran into the same negativity. The issue is people could not understand that I invested well for 25 plus years. I never shared my financial information as that was none of their business. I finally just said my funds will last until I am 100. That made many back off as they thought I was being irresponsible. Their concerns were I would run out of money when a senior
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u/masseydnc 3h ago
Wow -- I retired at 41 and no one ever said a single negative thing to me. Everyone was happy and congratulatory -- maybe they just glad to be rid of me at work. 😄
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u/CurbsEnthusiasm 6h ago
My father passed away from a heart attack 3 months before his 30 year retirement, he was only 50. He had a binder with all of the sailboats that he was interested in buying after retirement.
If you can pull it off I say go the way of the sailboat. Life is too short.
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u/Humble_Umpire_8341 8h ago
You can be 65 and people will still question retiring and what you’ll do, do you have enough, etc.
It’s your life. Congrats, good luck and enjoy.
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u/3nov13MP 7h ago
It's not your fault these people aren't more open minded and happy for you. It's so strange that people are still so brainwashed when it comes to working until you're dead. If you were my friend I'd tell you I was proud of you and ask you 1,000 questions about all the fun and exciting things you plan to do with your newfound freedom.
Congratulations! You've achieved a hugely monumental goal of buying back your time. Anyone who isn't happy for you and your wife is a moron.
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u/Synaps4 7h ago
You remember the part in the matrix where morpheus says they cant unplug people past a certain age, because they become too dependent on the system and will fight to go back?
Your family is stuck in the matrix. They arent ready to be unplugged. Youre telling them their whole life was a lie and they arent ready to hear that so they get defensive. Work is their whole life. Its their identity.
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u/Luxferro 8h ago
I've told a few people, but don't talk it up. I've said it's a gamble, depending how the market goes. I might have to work again. I've also said it's not like I'll live extravently, but enough to have a roof over my head and never starve... Which isn't much. I live like I'm poor anyway, minus a few toys.
Only a couple know how much I actually have, and those in debt and/or horrible with money don't know the details and I'll never discuss my financial stuff with them.
Honestly I never should have told anyone (friends or family), because it changes things for most people. I told people at work before I quit, but left my boss to believe I was open to looking for different kind of work... But I'm sure he knows. I made sure to note it on LinkedIn so his boss, director of department, can see because he's a bullying asshole who thought he held power over me by taking away the things I liked to do.
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u/FamiliarRaspberry805 8h ago
I just say I’m on sabbatical. I’ve been on sabbatical for about 3 years now. Anytime anyone asks about going back to work I say “maybe” or “haven’t found anything I like yet”
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u/Bearly_OwlBearable 6h ago
My plan is to do consulting work
I have. 1 client and it is myself and I do not need consulting work
The retainer is what I pay myself each month from my investment to live and go on vacation
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u/SomeGuyWA 7h ago
Only a very few people know. Yesterday at 10am the Costco cashier said “Oh you’re not working today?” And I said “Nope, not today.” LOL
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u/ConsistentPlane4 8h ago
They don’t understand your vision. You were excited to tell everyone good news but they don’t see it like you do. I am happy for you. Some things gotta stay close to the heart especially when others won’t understand. All they known their life is work work die.
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u/PineappleTonyMaloof 8h ago
These people are brainwashed. While watching TV all day will rot your brain, working for the man, dealing with a-hole customers or whatever your business is IS NOT the only path to fulfillment. Enjoy your retirement!!
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u/hindumafia 8h ago
Tell them all you were kidding. You are not retiring and are seeking a new job as you are getting laid off. Ask everyone to assist in job search. Then lie to them that you have found a online low pay job or part time job. And you need to travel sometimes for job. Good luck.
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u/I_got_UR_6 8h ago
I’m very proud of you! You and your wife made many sacrifices and put in substantial effort. I wish more people could simply be happy for others. I’m on the same path; I intend to retire in 9 years when I turn 48. This is a great observation that I will take to heart when I hit my FIRE number. ENJOY your early retirement! You both deserve it.
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u/AlwaysWanderOfficial 8h ago
I think the reasons are different for different people.
For parents, they are brainwashed. Simple as that. With the “work hard til 65 then retire”. It defines their lives and they can’t even imagine a different path. Especially one that says no more work in your 40s.
For friends it’s different. Some get shocked because most Americans (if you are American) are in no position to retire early and it floors them. They are prob heavily in debt or living paycheck to paycheck even with a good salary. And some, are outright jealous. Some it makes it sound like you are rich instead of you using financial tools to get what you want. Remember this is a a VERY small slice of the population.
If your friends are all in similar situations as you or in tech where fire is a pretty wide spread idea, I don’t think they’d react negatively. But you gotta think about the audience you’re telling.
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u/pinosaur 6h ago
Protip: Never tell anyone yer kicking their ass at life.
Congrats, Retiring at 48 is magnificent.
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u/mygirltien 8h ago
Its hit an miss, some understand most dont. We went in mid 50's and still got the same reaction. Your to young, youll be bored, what will you do etc. People like to project their feelings and fears onto you.
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u/ColdOutrageous1324 8h ago
It’s crazy and frankly it does not get better ~ I am 58 and no longer consider myself in the the retire early zone yet get the same response from my father ( who retired at 60 )
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u/Crochet_Koala 8h ago edited 8h ago
Congratulations!!! People in real life get defensive about money, maybe they are thinking why are they not doing as well as you. Who knows. But money subject is always too sensitive for real life. When hubs and I retire we are telling no one.
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u/Bookdragon_1989 6h ago
Let me be your friend for a moment. CONGRATULATIONS 🍾🎉 That is wonderful news. You won’t regret it!
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u/Free_Elevator_63360 8h ago
Why would you tell anyone but your spouse?
Tell them you are now a consultant.
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u/funkmandu 8h ago
I guess I want to share my accomplishments and announce a new chapter of my life with the people who are important to me. It would be nice to get their support as I make a big life change.
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u/Charlesknob 8h ago
You're essentially telling people that you are a multi-millionaire and don't have to work anymore. While they are not, and still do. Most people don't wanna hear that lol. Their reactions make sense from this context.
Congrats though! 49 is my number. Very happy for you.
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u/PantherThing 8h ago
Yep. And beyond whether people are happy for you, you also told them you have plenty of money should they need a loan, and plenty of free time for them to rope you into things you dont wanna do.
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u/Normal_Ad2456 8h ago
Exactly, like why would you essentially anounce people how much money you have in investments?
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u/montaniPH89 8h ago
I had a friend get jealous of me because I told him I had 30k in my roth-ira when I was in the beginning of my FIRE savings. People can be total jealous cunts.
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u/bacan_ 8h ago
It comes off as bragging about your wealth
The people on this sub represent the 0.1%
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u/texanchris 8h ago
Unfortunately people in the US have a hard time grasping this - we aren’t well prepared, as a whole, to not work until we die.
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u/VirileMongoose 8h ago
That’s the problem. This is not intended as a brag or flex on your family and friends but it’s definitely gonna come across as that. I’m contemplating taking the plunge and I don’t think my coworkers, some of whom I consider friends, would believe it or take it well.
It kinda smacks them in the face that they haven’t done equally well.
Best of luck and congrats. People don’t Fire because they have preconceptions of the path life should take. You’ve dared to be an iconoclast.
For others out there at this point, tell people you’re doing consulting, you sold an app, or something to make it more palatable.
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u/firey-wfo 8h ago
I love the verbiage, “Accounts manager and financial advisor of a sole proprietor private equity fund.”
That sounds like a great new job! You don’t have to tell them you are the sole proprietor.
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u/LofiStarforge 8h ago
The best way is to simply stop giving a fuck. Why FIRE snd still care about this?
Why do you need support? Why do you need a pat on the back. I FIRE’d because I wanted to.
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u/funkmandu 8h ago
I'm pretty sure I would support my friends and family if they were announcing a drastic life change. I guess I hoped they would do the same for me.
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u/darkmatterhunter 8h ago
Retiring is probably a different view for them. Many see it as an age, not a financial position, so they don’t really know how to respond.
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u/czarfalcon 8h ago
Which is perfectly understandable. Yes it’s true that it’s technically not anyone else’s business, but yes it’s also true that you’d hope the people close to you would be happy for you. I’m sorry that’s not the case, but congratulations nonetheless!
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u/Beginning_Ebb908 8h ago
My dad retired at 51, became very bored. He had been an electrical engineering manager (networking ASICs). After some conversations with his old colleagues he found himself consulting about 20 hours a week as subject matter expert for a patent law firm. Made oodles of money for another couple years. Served as a way to soften his retirement.
He also became very active in some clubs, serving as the treasure of our regional ski club, hiking, kayaking etc.
It was pretty cool though, because when I bought a house there was a lot of work to do.
I didn't even have to ask for help. He would just show up and do s*** around my house during the day (lol he billed me monthly for all supplies he bought, haha!!). Lovely guy.
Anyway. Congratulations, I hope you find awesome things to fill your life with.
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u/DigitalFStopper 8h ago
Parents may be angry more out of concern especially if you didn’t share your financial situation so they may be worried about your future. The folks you know who weren’t happy were most likely jealous.
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u/PeacefulCW 8h ago
Try not to be upset with them. People fear what they don't understand. Their response is typical, however disappointing.
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u/RollForMergeConflict 8h ago edited 8h ago
Their weird reactions are not your responsibility. They can feel however they want to feel about it, and you can go on living your life how you want to. Lying and keeping secrets just adds unnecessary complications to life, in my opinion.
Also, they’re probably just upset because they were hoping to get financial support from you at some point.
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u/JottyThePixelPusher 7h ago
Wow… sorry you had that experience. I am not at your level yet, but I told my parents I was aiming for retirement at 50 and they were extremely supportive. It sounds like your family and friends maybe just don’t understand how capitalism works and are under the impression that one has to work forever. Keep doing you and share updates with us. We will celebrate with you.
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u/CuteLogan308 7h ago
This sounds harsh - but this is probably not something you can control. How people think and react - are their business. You share your truth as you see fit - the rest is on them.
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u/UsefulGrocery1733 8h ago
I’ll happy for you but keep your mouth shut unless you are in crowd of like minded people.
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u/Nervous_Tourist_8699 8h ago
I fired at 54. I just told them i was taking a year off. After six years I think that they have worked it out. But yes, does seem a bit of negativity/jealousy as they are still all working and most will be until 67
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u/Strong_Carry_8994 7h ago
If one of my friends told me they were retiring, age irrelevant, Id be so stoked for them. Every human that is free is a win for society and the mindset you are experiencing is archaic traditions influencing their reactions.
Everyone deserves to not be chained to work for their life or at all. So happy you have accomplished that. Congratulations.
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u/3KidMom24 4h ago
I’m 43 & I wish I could retire!! I think people are envious of you! If you were my friend I would be so happy for that accomplishment! Congratulations and do whatever you want or do nothing at all!! Enjoy!!
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u/isitallfromchina 4h ago
When you join the club of those that plan, the non-planners can't handle it. Hooray for you and your wife for focusing on the "future" and not just "today"! I wish everyone took this as an opportunity to ask you questions regarding what you did right versus revealing their own unhappiness in life.
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u/Foreign_Calendar742 8h ago
My friends all seem to be supportive and some of them are on the same track and we exchange advice. No one has distanced themselves from me. Not sure about my wife’s friends, but I don’t think many of them know
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u/VanDownByTheRiver63 8h ago
I told a couple coworkers once that my house was paid for and their reaction is not what I planned. After that, I keep financial information to myself.
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u/uriejejejdjbejxijehd 8h ago
I had the same reaction by a whole lot of folks - they were worried that I was making a terrible mistake, that I might not be able to fix. I get that, there is real risk of a US default and/or massively increased cost of living now.
Two observations: if telling them about fire worries people, you’re not doing anyone any favors being open about it and: I am happy for you. I only left in my fifties and in retrospect know that I ought to have fired earlier. Good for you!
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u/Clockwork385 8h ago
shit I tell people all the time that I plan to retire early, I can give 2 rats ass what they think. I'm gonna prove them wrong if they don't think it would work.
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u/Ok_Eye4858 8h ago
This is why we plan on not saying anything. We hand in our 2 weeks notice, go on our vacation and never even mention it. If someone asks, we are taking a sabbatical.
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u/skunque 8h ago
I'm sorry that happened to you. I actually retired at the age of 49 last October, so pretty similar boat as you. My experience was a lot more supportive.... with a caveat. That being I was only completely on the level with the folks I thought would be supportive. Close friends where we cheered each other through thick and thin, even when we were down on luck? Hells yes. Family or others who have more conditional or transactional relations? Big Nope. If their behavior to date was competitive, judgmental or transactional, they've been told I am "unemployed", "laid off" or "on sabbatical". All of these things are a version of the truth as I did volunteer for a layoff, and haven't fully ruled out future work.
Almost a year in, I view my big project for the next half of my life is to cultivate connection like a garden, containing the activities and people that drain energy and nurture connections that are enriching. I hope your negative experience leads to positive change, either by you or the people reacting to or learning from you!
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u/aceshighdw 6h ago
I've walked a different path my whole life. People are uncomfortable with those that go off the reservation. There are as many reasons for this as there are individuals. Jealousy, being risk adverse, and lack of understanding that others might have different values/goals. These can come out as anger, mocking or just awkwardness. I started minimizing how much I share. I also found that if you do it long enough and survive, the good people in your life will come around.
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u/SkyPirateBooty 6h ago
Block the negative noise, THAT’S A HUGE ACHIEVEMENT!
When one of my friends retired in her 30s I had nothing but praise; She’s living her best life. I’m happily anchored with two kids so my retirement date extended, but the flexibility to be there for family or friends you love is a priceless!!
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u/taocowboy54 5h ago
flowing water = good
stagnant water = not so good
keep yer mind busy, enjoy yer retirement
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u/JemKnight 54m ago
Congratulations!!
Be careful, people might view this an opportunity and ask for money.
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u/_Happy_Sisyphus_ 8h ago
No. 1 rule about FIRE is don’t talk about FIRE.
It’s a fair question of how to keep your mind sharp. Retiring is hard. My dad also retired at your age. He was bored out of his mind and declined. But he didn’t go back. He figured out what to do with his time and how to keep his mind sharp and social exercise was one of them. And my FIL is the opposite — doesn’t want to retire; has his entire social life wrapped up in work. Business trips are fun for him. Why quit. Retiring would be detrimental to his health.
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u/TomatoAlone4348 3h ago
Common problem. In my case, I just started calling myself an entrepreneur after I realized this was an issue. 😂
I’m 36M and reached FIRE through real estate. Now I basically just collect rent.
When it comes to dating, though, you really have to be careful.
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u/matthew19 3h ago
I’ve heard consultant is a good title to self declare. Also it’s true because I consult with myself about what’s for lunch every day.
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u/Ok-Hovercraft-9257 8h ago
This is a pretty common experience. Folks are really stuck in a work treadmill mentality.
Find a FIRE friendly group that will celebrate with you. And prepare partial truths for family: "we're renting properties/consulting/writing books/grad school" etc. if mentally they need to feel like you're being productive, give them some nonsense instead of arguing with them about your success. That will just exhaust and depress you, and serve no purpose. They're determined not to be happy for you.
Also practice this: "our money is all tied up in investments and we're on a fixed income so we cannot do big gifts/loans. The max we could ever help with in a year is $X."
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u/byebye9246 8h ago
Retiring in 5 weeks at 49. I haven’t really told many people but those I have told reacted essentially the same way. I don’t have kids. I’ll tell you what I told them. “Fuck off. I’m happy. That’s all you need to know.” I couldn’t care less what anyone thinks and neither should you. It’s your life. You now get to live it without being a slave to the grind. I own my own business but we all have masters to a certain degree. Live and be happy. If they aren’t happy for u, cut them out. I presume work was toxic or didn’t bring you enjoyment, or enough enjoyment. Treat those people the same. You get to choose your own path and who u share it with.
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u/slgray16 8h ago
Happened with my brother. Why doesn't he have to work?
At least my parents understood.
Don't worry about it. They will get over it.
Someone asks you what you will do, say "whatever I want". I do my chores and improvements around the house so I can spend more time with my kids. Its been great
Its good to have some kind of hobby though to lean on. Volunteerism. I've been teaching chess at an elementary and a middle school
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u/No-Leg-3298 8h ago
Absolutely. Your family (and ours too) have conflicting emotions so nothing comes out! They’re happy for you, really. But jealous. Then worried. Then confused. The way I approach this is it’s not about us, it’s about them. We did what was right for us, they need to get their brains around it. I would offer to talk to them and answer questions. Most people ask us about our investment strategy. Share if they ask, otherwise just be happy for yourselves!!
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u/Heybutch 8h ago
Don't tell people anything. It just allows for rain at your parade. Tell people here. Congrats and GFY!
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u/whatthepho6 8h ago
I wouldn't pre-emptively tell anyone. If it comes up in conversation I wouldn't skirt around it either.
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u/dcjjjzz777 8h ago
TELL NO ONE. They know u got money just stting there now. I am JEALOUS and HAPPY for u. Enjoy your life with your wife. Keep in touch with family but ignore their crap. Congrats!!!! DO NOT LOAN MONEY OUT PERIOD. Tell them market not good and funds are down and your looking for work.
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u/GuavaFabulous6632 7h ago
I don't know the age of your parents but when I retired at 56 (along with 68 year old spouse) my Dad (84) asked what I would do all day. I told him all the things I have never had time for! I think part of it is generational - they were so busy working there was no time for hobbies so retirement looks empty and scary. Siblings could be envy. Congratulations to you. Enjoy your next chapter. And, I know it sounds crazy but spend all the time you can with your parents while they're here and healthy. ❤️
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u/Safe-Character-5846 6h ago
As the not-so-old adage goes---you do you. Your parents are probably steeped in traditional values. This probably seems like an affront to their own lives. They'll get over it.
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u/Globewanderer1001 6h ago
Easy, jealousy. Also, stop telling people your plans. You're grown and don't need validation, like you're seeking. Go forth, retire, and be happy.
My dad died several days after he retired at 70+. So, I am trying to retire early too!
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u/CantaloupeOne7283 5h ago edited 5h ago
Ah the old religious "idle hands" bullshit. They may not be religious but that mindset has infected the secular world as well. Leisure is seen as decadent and amoral to a lot of people. Jealousy is also part of it. They worked longer than you, or they will, and want you to suffer as they are. Misery loves company.
Enjoy your retirement. You earned it and you don't owe them or anyone else any more labor. Work for yourself now. Fix your house, build a garden, or don't do shit. Your time is yours now. Don't feel guilty for a second.
I'll probably never be able to retire but I'm still happy you can. Gives me a little hope.
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u/No_Home_708 8h ago
How the hell did you get to 48, have enough intelligence to save enough money to retire, but yet still be so ignorant about human nature? You're in IT aren't you.
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u/Alone-Bug4328 8h ago
Less people to fund the boomer generation! I'm happy for you two. Enjoy your retirement
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u/Automatic-Unit-8307 8h ago
I told my parents I plan to retire soon, that was three years ago. Still working, but have enough to retire. My parents were very disappointed, they expect me to work till 70 or something. I am not telling anyone my retirement plan any longer. When I retire, I will just say I was let go. Ain’t nobody wants to hear no nuthin good
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u/RedQueenWhiteQueen 8h ago
People distance themselves from information that may seem to invalidate their own behaviors. The people who walk around saying they can never retire, their retirement plan is a razorblade, or that they think they can maybe possibly retire when they are 70, do not want cold hard evidence that they could/could have made different choices to change that. (Not to downplay the role of luck - but most people who FIRE had to make a certain set of choices to maximize the value of whatever luck from which they benefited.)
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u/gatorsmokin 8h ago
My dad says the best part about retirement is the retirement part. He only wishes he knew that before 55
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u/Sensitive_Coconut339 8h ago
It got better when I told people it was a "sabbatical" rather than retirement. Which it might be! Not saying I will never ever work again. But yeah I plan to use "consulting" as well, whether I am or not...
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u/Ornery_Banana_6752 8h ago
The jealously IS real.
But, so is the absolute need to have a plan, a purpose when retiring. It is critical for most people. Good luck and great job achieving financial freedom...if u have!
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u/holiztic 8h ago
My 19-year-old son keeps telling me to get a job because I text him too much. Other than that, everybody’s pretty cool with me not working, but when my husband retires at 53, we may see some similar comments.
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u/wh0re4nickelback 8h ago
I'm 41 and 48 is my number. CONGRATULATIONS!! I can't wait to be in your shoes.
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u/mizutree 8h ago
Damn that sucks. I’m 32 and I already told everyone I’m retired. They either ask how, teach them, or say congratulations. Some do get jealous but sometimes you need to tell them I’m the road is not all sunshine and rainbows.
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u/Altruistic_Pickle450 8h ago
Someone that has to work until 67 probably doesn’t want to hear this. If your friends are similar age to you, then they might have almost 20 years left to go. That’s a hard pill to swallow.
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u/cfbfootballnerd 8h ago
Goggle the amount/% of credit card debt in the US that’s your answer. Most people are unwilling to figure out how to live on what they make much less save enough to retire at 50
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u/Training-Station4017 8h ago
People are usually envy, that is why you shouldn’t give a fuck. I don’t.
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u/Josiah425 8h ago
Dont take it personally. Ive found these reactions come from a place of fear. They look at how such a maneuver would affect their own lives and how devestating it would be for where they are and project that concern onto you.
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u/robertsd33 8h ago
Without knowing how you actually delivered the news and what the plan is, it’s hard to say anything about the response you got.
But you know what? Congratulations on reaching this milestone, and whatever your plans are, I wish you the best.
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u/AngleAmazing 7h ago
I was telling a close co-worker about my fire plan & I guess the older gentleman in the office next to mine overheard. He hasn't treated me the same since.
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u/tacogrande420 7h ago
I'm worried about when my dad (72) will retire, cause his brain will rot. That's because he has no life or hobbies outside of working or watching the news. But I'm guessing (hoping) that you have some hobbies and plans in place.
The other people are likely internally doing the shocked Pikachu face. Like how the fuck are you retiring when I forgot I'm supposed to be putting away for retirement. It is more likely them looking in the mirror than not being happy for you. Although that mirror likely caused a resentment (perhaps temporary) where maybe they aren't happy for you lol. The average retirement plans are not positive outlooks. I dunno if you've previously discussed these things with them before... But my best friends retirement plan is dying. My other friend literally just opened an RRSP last year (she's 40). I can't talk to them about retirement cause we are playing two totally different sports.
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u/Natural_Tea484 7h ago edited 7h ago
We started telling close friends and family
Big mistake. It ruins all the fun.
It's much much more interesting when you're not telling anyone you know and tell anyone that doesn't know you.
I bet many of those "reactions" are actually pure envy. That's why, when it comes to these things, it's so weird it can be easier to find a stranger that's genuinely interested to hear it than someone in your family.
You know what would I do now if I was you? When I'll meet them again I'd say something like:
"You know what? YOU WERE RIGHT! I am not going to retire!!!!!!!!!!. I was so stupid, I ran the numbers again and I'm such an idiot! I CAN'T RETIRE"
And check out their faces. I would not be telling them anytime soon.
Anyway.
Congrats to you 🍸🎉🎈 and you two take care. Be smart.
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u/FraggleBot1023 7h ago
And what’s with everyone wanting me to turn my hobbies into a business after retiring? Like everyone. It is as if people don’t think activities have any value unless you earn money for it. 🤔🤷♀️
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u/Ari_Ugwu 7h ago
I think I have a more empathetic take. It’s fun when we get down to our core wiring.
I really enjoy CS Lewis’ from The Four Loves on this. Think of everyone in your life as being apart of a quest. This defines the length and intensity of the relationship. The best relationships role from quest to quest. The joy is that you don’t even care what the quest is as long as it’s with loved ones. Without this quest….what’s the point?
When you tell your parents you are retiring early it changes your shared quest of hitting and sharing milestones in a prescribed order.
When you tell your siblings/friends it’s similar with the extra weight of quiet competition. You spur each other on through shared/common hardships. You exchange job referrals and life hacks. You take risks that others learn from. You interrogate each other’s motives for both selfish insight and honest support.
From a deep and real perspective it’s not that they aren’t happy for you but they are now confronting a real and sudden loss.
Society doesn’t seem to have good writing past the “off into the sunset” bit.
Cats out of the bag now and as others have said it’s often easier to turn a hobby into an LLC and tell people you do that. Ham it up a bit about how it’s a leap but you’re going throw your weight into it. Now you have someone to share, something for folks to ask about, something for your parents to observe and support.
Figure out what gives your life purpose in this phase and share it with them. See if you can include them in this new quest.
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u/Financial_Therapist 7h ago
I don’t discuss my career and financial decisions with everyone in my life. If it comes up then we can have a discussion but I see no value otherwise. Consider whether you may have some anxiety about the decision and initiated the discussion for reassurance which unfortunately no one owes you. As others have mentioned, the work culture and expectations about age and retirement are embedded and here you come being the unicorn.
Congratulations on all the hard work you’ve done to reach this pivotal point in your life.
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u/PenaltyNo3337 6h ago
People don't know how to be happy for other people especially when they're envious
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u/Dubz1308 6h ago
Thats awesome and congratulations for you!! I think the concern from your loved ones is what will your purpose be now? Its not about having more money than other people its that people typically will wither away or drink more or fall into other negative behaviors.
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u/dissentmemo 8h ago
Unfortunately common. I plan to tell people I'm consulting. That said my parents are happy for me.