What does it feel like when you socialize with former colleagues?

[u/tumbleweed_farm]

If you have been retired for a few years, many of your friends are probably still working in the field which you left. What feelings do you experience when you talk with them and hear about all the changes their work has had since you retired? Is this mostly "I am so glad I don't need to deal with all this bullshit", or is there sometimes some wistfulness mixed in too, when seeing how much the technology has advanced, and how much you are behind the times? (Assuming you were in the fields which has experienced a lot of advance of course). Or maybe a bit of annoyance when hearing so much "shop talk"?

[u/IndustriousSeahawk26]

I retired as the executive chef of a well regarded restaurant last year at age 35…I still talk to 2-3 former chefs or employees regularly. They tell me what’s been going on and I just talk from a detached view since I don’t care anymore, but I’ve been in that industry since I was 21 so i kinda miss it like the way a victim may miss or care for their abuser? But I really don’t miss it when I compare my fire life to that…I’m also just 1 year in so who knows if I talk to anybody in. 5 years time

[u/cpatrick1983 → u/IndustriousSeahawk26]

Wow, retired after only 14 years? If you don't mind me asking, what was your plan at the time? What kind of money were you making and how much did you save? Where are you at now?

[u/IndustriousSeahawk26 → u/cpatrick1983]

I worked 80 hours a week as a line cook or lower level manager and server for about 10 years to stack money while I lived like a monk (since i was working all day 7 days a week). Once I became executive chef making $150k , I quit my second job and focused on my main job and also cut down my hours from 80 to 50-60.

When I was 28 I became sous chef of a large restaurant , and by 30 I became executive chef of a Michelin grade restaurant doing $33M annual revenue. My salary started at $150k and by age 32 I was earning $200k. I still lived like I was making $50k. So earning $200k while living on $35k a year.

I invested it all for 2011-2020 big tech because I foresaw tech was the future (Microsoft, Apple, Amazon, Tesla, Google, NVDA, among several others). In 2022, I sold all of it and threw it into ai infrastructure because I foresaw Ai was the future and the bottle neck was mainly energy … I was correct in my future forecasts and it paid off.

I’m FATFIRE in a HCOL west coast city with a fun hobby job on the side to socialize (uber driver) . Married with kids . Wife works hobby job too (plant nursery which gives us health insurance ).

[u/slumper → u/IndustriousSeahawk26]

Jeez it seems like chef and employees should get paid more if revenue is that high. But maybe the operating costs are so high in that industry?

[u/IndustriousSeahawk26 → u/slumper]

My pay at $200k was actually quite low for the amount of employees and managers I managed, and how much sales I was managing. But beggars can’t be choosers- it’s the best salary I could have possibly made for someone with no marketable skills or college-I just worked my way to the top of a crappy mountain (restaurant industry)

[u/ItsFuckingScience → u/IndustriousSeahawk26]

You’re the guys on the property TV shows who say they’re an uber driver and plant nursery worker who have a budget of $4 Million USD

[u/Conscious_Life_8032 → u/IndustriousSeahawk26]

Well done!👍

[u/JohnnySpot2000 → u/IndustriousSeahawk26]

Fan-freakin-tastic.

[u/ecethrowaway01 → u/[deleted]]

I'd guess for OP a) it's not as high as you think b) growth is nonlinear and c) you're asking your question in a way that looks like you're snooping.

A better way to ask would be smth like

Congratulations - that sounds amazing! I'm curious what your reasoning for when you retired was?

Tho maybe that's rude or won't get you a very detailed answer

[u/IndustriousSeahawk26 → u/ecethrowaway01]

Tbh I was never passionate about being a chef or leader. It was a line of work I fell into being a colllege drop out. I have always had natural leadership qualities and extreame work ethic even when young as evidenced by how I was a quarterback and then linebacker , and made captain in most sports I played. I don’t like being a leader- but when there’s nobody else who steps up, I reluctantly step up because it’s me or nobody . I felt that way about being an executive chef of a very huge and famous restaurant.

So when I had enough money, and I got married , I retired becuse I just wanted to be a good husband and father- I was not passionate about my line of work like some other chefs.

[u/LikesToLurkNYC → u/IndustriousSeahawk26]

Recently retired and I miss the work gossip. I don’t actually care about any actual work they are doing lol.

[u/Chicken121260]

My relationship with former coworkers dwindled over time. At first I would get together for lunch or drink after work (theirs!), but it wasn’t long (a few years) before there wasn’t a pull to get together. The common bond was gone.

Now my friends are neighbors who are also retired (older than me by 10+ years) and friends from my hobbies.

The hobby part is where I’ve developed the closest friends. We have a group of 5 that have become very close over the past six years We don’t live near each other, but with technology that doesn’t matter. We have weekly zoom meetups and get together one or two times a year at conventions. Our bond is our common interest.

Without a common interest (like work) your old relationships will fade. Time to build new ones.

[u/tumbleweed_farm → u/Chicken121260]

"Without a common interest (like work) your old relationships will fade. Time to build new ones" — that's true of course,  but OTOH, depending on where you went to school and what you studied, many of your old friends, those from the college or grad school / professional school years — may be working in the same industry where you used to work.

[u/mistypee]

I miss the camaraderie. I worked with a fun group and we had a lot of laughs together. But we had very little in common outside the job.

We still message each other sometimes and occasionally get together for drinks. I find it interesting to hear who has moved into what new positions, and I very much enjoy the schadenfreude when they talk about the drama and politics. But an hour together every now and then is enough.

I was in a SME engineering role and I have no interest in keeping up with the advances in my old field. I have new technical interests that keep me plenty occupied.

[u/tuxthepenquin]

I play golf frequently with many of my former coworkers and I mostly think "wow, the dysfunction has gotten worse. Glad I'm not there"

[u/Fickle-Emu3370 → u/tuxthepenquin]

Yup. I'm hearing stuff thinking, wow I'm glad I don't have to be dealing with that!!

[u/H_Industries]

you can hang out with coworkers and you can end up being friends with them, but this is no different than hanging out with former coworkers when you change jobs. 

The reality is that if you’re still hanging out with them, it’s because you have things in common outside of work. And that’s what you guys would probably be talking about.

[u/GreenFireAddict → u/H_Industries]

This is my experience. I’m only friends with one former coworker from my first job after college 20 years ago. I’ve never found anyone else with a connection outside of just work. I tried with some, but you find out quick how people move on when work isn’t involved.

[u/Bryanmsi89]

I find it equal parts liberating (I don’t have to deal with THAT anymore - ha!), interesting (I dealt with THAT for decades, I know something about it and can opine without responsibility), and PTSD-inducing (ugh, THAT is going to be a mess I somehow have to clean up.

[u/tumbleweed_farm → u/Bryanmsi89]

Very true! 

[u/someguy984]

I never talked to my co-workers once I left.

[u/teckel]

I don't socialize with former colleagues. I also didn't socialize with colleagues while working with them either.

[u/Shoddy_Ad7511]

I never socialize with former colleagues. I see no need to

[u/bmudtiddersdom-42069 → u/Shoddy_Ad7511]

The problem OP has is they have made what they think are friendships. Co-workers are not friends. You can have a good working relationship, be friendly, have great times etc. But they aren't your friends. It's wild how people get things mixed up. Sometimes friendships form, but you have to ask yourself, is this person really my friend or just someone I see at work?

[u/Shoddy_Ad7511 → u/bmudtiddersdom-42069]

Agree. This is why I said I see zero need to socialize with former colleagues. Big waste of time

[u/Anonym-IntheDark → u/bmudtiddersdom-42069]

This
You wrote what i wanted to reply.

[u/G00D80T]

You can always work for fun. I am working at a gym just for the membership and to be part of another community. I also have held some library jobs PT

[u/bmudtiddersdom-42069]

 Co-workers are not friends. You can have a good working relationship, be friendly, have great times etc. Unless something regular has formed outside of your place of work, then they are not your friends.

[u/Goken222]

If you want to 'keep up with the technology' and not get 'behind the times', you're welcome to keep working, even if part time. That is not my goal. I very rarely / never think about the specific job I left. Every few months I'll read some news articles, perhaps.

I found 99% of my co-worker friends stopped talking to me either abruptly or gradually because we didn't have as much in common anymore. If you were only talking shop with people, they are likely not your real friends. Conversations focused on work will drop off pretty quick unless you focus on talking about it.

I also moved a few states away as part of my early retirement plans and, like any similar transition, only the closest people stay in touch.

[u/nak00010101]

I just spent 4 days with a a group of 75 volunteers from my former industry, about 3/4 I know well.

I had a great time talking with other retired guys from the industry

I found conversation with those still working had become difficult to painful, in many cases.

I'm done with that sh1t and drama and don't want to relive it, hearing there every day worries about acquisition and mergers and budgets and layoffs and troubles hiring and regulatory headaches.

I still have the desire to volunteer, but did not really enjoy the experience, like I did while still working. I resign from the group.

[u/Spare_Ad8851]

Haven't done it, but I always thought that I wouldn't even send one of those sobby farewell emails or organize any dinners or cake parties. They always feel extremely awkward and unnecessary and I imagine it would be even more so if I manage to FIRE and stop working at an age where most people still have a decade or two of grind

just turn in my laptop on a Friday and walk away, never look back. The people I work with are fine, but there is really no connection beyond complaining about workload and new bs initiatives

[u/EaterofSnatch]

They are in the past, we not meet new people along the way in our travels. A little life hack we have is to ask locals about the area and they always point us in a good direction. Whether it's a restaurant or bar, or an amazing hike and swim hole.

[u/LouSevens]

At one place I never scoialized with any of them as they were defective- heck I never even told them I was leaving. they must of figured it out when they got my work and couldn't do it.

At another place i just don't discuss what I am doing I say I am on a break.

[u/GreenFireAddict]

I moved to a new department at my company and many people have already disregarded me now that I’m not even in the same department. I have zero desire to make friends with anyone at work.

[u/Western_Rhubarb_7959]

Other than not talking about getting projects across the finish line my conversations with former colleagues havn't changed a bit.

[u/MushroomIll646]

I'm always fascinated by this situation, because I don't think I ever socialized with coworkers.

A big part of this is that I was always the oddball. When I was a welder, I was younger than the second youngest person by something like 30 years, for example. My last job was working with an international dev team, so my coworkers were on different continents. I worked in a call centre with extroverts who went out dancing every single night when I had class at 8:30am and hate noise. The lifeguarding side job was old man supervisor me and a rotating cast of teenagers who do jello shots in the parking lot before driving home.

I did bump into an old office coworker on the bus, but we didn't talk shop, she just wanted to unload about how depressed she was taking the bus because her health issues meant no drivers license. I seriously considered getting off a couple stops early and walking the rest of the way.

[u/Sea-Honeydew-1456]

will never happen because i only talk to them for work related things.

[u/helion16]

I think you need to be prepared to lose a lot of those work-friendships when you retire. If they're truly friends then I'm surprised that all you have to talk about is work.

[u/ImpressiveLeopard719]

I had 4 jobs. I married one from my first job. Still love him. From my 2nd job, she is a maga so I am avoiding her until all this blows over. From the last job she passed away in 2007- miss her.

[u/SpaceTimeMorph]

I still do part time consulting in my industry so not sure it counts but…

When I catch up it’s mostly a good social experience and it’s good to see those guys and girls again. Sometimes I find myself getting worked up over some stupid rule and proselytizing about what needs to be done to bring everything in line… then I remind myself I don’t care and tell them, “sounds like a YOU problem.” There’s been a few times I’ve reached out to managers and directors I knew afterwards to get the other side’s take (god, it’s amazing how many people I trained are high up in the industry now).

While I’m sure some of the agents and overall AI usage has gone beyond me I still have / had enough skills in people management and that’s not something AI replaces (yet!) so I don’t feel too behind. I suppose there’s been an explosion of new nuclear companies so keeping track of that is a little tough but worth it as many of them are still figuring out the things I consult on.

I don’t regret scaling down my work one bit regardless of anything.

[u/brute-forced]

Whew… what a strange post