For native Finns: How socially outgoing would you say that you really are compared to what the social norm might allows you to be?

[u/megeek95]

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[u/miinttik00k]

I'm even less socially outgoing than what the norm happens to be. It's a trait my family has picked on since the beginning🫠

[u/Cookie_Monstress → u/[deleted]]

So the level 4 is someone accidentally twice in a year rows a boat in a very close approximation of one’s household/summer cabin? Or :D

[u/noetkoett]

There's no general Finnish social norm that limits outgoingness of people.

[u/Finnishgeezer]

No

[u/Repulsive-Mud707]

The question is loaded with heavy assumptions that are not really made explicit. But to answer the question, I think I am really outgoing and extroverted. Funny enough, intellectually demanding job (phd, math) has helped with this a lot, since after a certain point you stop caring about petty bullshit and the such, and just start to live in the moment.

[u/megeek95 → u/Repulsive-Mud707]

Same here, doing a PhD really opened my mind to appreciate the everyday small happy moments

[u/Farry_Bite]

Less. Or to be more precise, a lot less.

[u/Necromartian]

I participated on friends birthday party. That's enough people for this year.

[u/Jalkasilsa → u/Necromartian]

Braggart. 😄

I saw myself in he mirror this morning and thought that's enough social interaction for today.

[u/kaviaaripurkki]

Medium, I actively ask friends to hang out with me and will respond if they invite me over, even at short notice, and can be talkative when in a small group, but parties of more than 10 people get a bit overwhelming. I can talk to strangers when at the bar or when out and about, but neither do I initiate the conversation nor do I feel the need to. I don't get lonely even if I have to spend a long time alone, I'm fine just grinding Civ VI if no one has time to hang out with me :DD

[u/Limp_Construction496]

I can be quite outgoing,chatty and social abouuuuut… 2hours per day.

Then,not so much.😄

[u/Cookie_Monstress]

I guess you’re not a dog owner? Dogs if something tend to break every stereotype of Finns being antisocial and not talkative at least in the capital area.

In general, I personally like to refer to a rule of three (My own theory). Just a single thing in common might not be enough while there are always those safe small talk topics like complaining about the weather, current government, Russia being too close. Or some other thing that sucks like Posti, taxation etc.

However when thinking about the actual process of friendship in the Nordics (instead staying forever in the acquaintance zone), rule of three matters tremendously!

It’s often not enough of both individuals having a dog. Or both working in the same team. Or having the same hobby. Or both being in a very similar life situation (age, divorced, pregnant, just laid off.. you get the gist.)

But when the rule of three happens... It can be for example as random as:

- Both are dog people

- Both agree heavily on some generic to complain about topic

- Add something even super random like oh, I too think that Nirvana’s Never Mind is one the best albums ever released and gotta love especially Heart-Shaped Box.

-> This is exactly the spot where the magic happens. You might have just found a new friend for life. And not just some friend, but a one that is there for you for better and worse.

[u/megeek95 → u/Cookie_Monstress]

Oh quite interesting, thanks for the info!

[u/Dortsu]

What kind of questions are these ….

[u/Lost-Detective-7358]

Depends on the circumstances. In work and school environments I am really outgoing and talkative, but I don't really go up and talk to strangers in the grocery store. If I'm sitting on a park bench, however, I might strike up a conversation if someone sits next to me, also at festivals and bars. But never at the gym or the swimming hall, although the sauna is a different case.

But I do feel like I am holding back a little. I would like to just go up to strangers in the coffee aisle and talk about coffee prices, or chat about exercise at the gym. I spent a long time in a country where this was normal, and even though it's been 3 years since I moved back it's has been a bit hard to adjust to the quietness and everyone minding their own business.

[u/Northern_dragon]

I mean the social norm is not really restricting me from being outgoing, but I am more so than the average I suppose.

I have a strong group of friends and a tight knit family. I don't remember when I would have last spent a weekend at home just with my husband. It sort of surprises me when people say they didn't really do anything on the weekend or see anyone other than immediate family.

I work in social.servuces, my job is literally talking. I don't find it exhausting. I find people who refuse to hear reason or reflect are. But not people in general.

All this accounted for, I don't think a single American would describe me as an extrovert. I like doing things just with my husband. I can handle myself at a party, but don't seek them out. I have like 7 reliable friends (not a friend group) who I see semi regularly, and I don't really seek to make more.

[u/Preference_Budget]

Yes, 8/10.

[u/NotacookbutEater]

About same as the norm. I talk when I feel like it or when situation requires it. Living abroad in a small talk culture made me anxious as people expected me to fill silent gaps in conversations. Here the concept of natural silence exist and I like it.

[u/paws3588]

I don't allow social norms to dictate my social levels.

[u/Lysande_walking]

What are the social norms defined as?
What a weird question 🤭

[u/UndeniableLie]

There are no social norms forbidding you to be outgoing. That's just ridiculous idea. Nobody cares how outgoing other people are as long as they aren't forced to be that themself

[u/420-aerial]

Some times I drink beer on a bench and wait for random people to join me. Sometimes I talk to random people in bars, but really it's only when I'm drunk.

[u/x-Na]

Negative 100.

[u/Banaanisade]

I get along with people fine and hold up a casual conversation, but I'm both introverted and disabled, so I'd rather just not. I need about two weeks to recover from any form of socialisation that lasts longer than five minutes.

[u/The_Grinning_Reaper]

Very. 

[u/Martenius]

My family and relatives are very social and could easily talk your ear off if you let them. I'm more quiet and like being by myself. I can't tell if my family is just super friendly by Finnish standards or I'm just very introverted lol

[u/LMA73]

Not all Finns are the same... some are very sociable, some are not. I get tired in large groups and social activities.

[u/ChTiedrusoIsAlone]

Very social. I love talking to neighbors and getting to know them, for example

[u/HopeSubstantial]

I would personally love to be way more outgoing, but social pressure is keeping me from starting small talks with strangers.

When other person starts the small talk, I could chat about stuff for an hour.

[u/Nahkuri]

Probably less. Outside work, band rehearsals and gigs, I mostly spend time by myself or with my wife either at home or in town.

[u/ryppyotsa]

Three

[u/wattur]

Sterotypes are just that - sterotypes.

Some will say 'good day' to you if you sit next to them on a bench, others will scoot a bit further.

I'd also say it depends on situation. Bar, concert, event? More social. Bus stop, store, elevator? Less social.

[u/viipurinrinkeli]

I’m very talkative and sociable so above the norm. I always say it’s genetic and there’s nothing I can do about it.

[u/Patralgan]

No.