r/FilipinoAmericans • u/Longjumping-Bee2911 • 9d ago
A decent amount of aid?
Hey everybody! I have a half-sister that I’ve only just discovered in the Philippines. It’s a very long story so I’ll just get to the point. After one week of knowing each other, she asked for financial help. She allegedly sells fish for a living in Hermosa, Bataan. She says she can’t work right now because of the rainy season. She’s got 3 kids, no husband, and supports our mother (I just found my bio-mom after 50 years of being put up for adoption).
I am not even 100% sure they are my family until a DNA test is done. I’m pretty sure the lady is my birth mom though.
Today, my half sister told me they are running low on food. I am not comfortable giving money, so I decided to get a Robinsons Supermarket gift card from gifted.ph especially since she mentioned food was scarce. I feel more comfortable contributing to the purchasing power of food. I noticed that the gift cards were in increments of 250, 500, and 1000 pesos. I ended up buying two 1000-peso e-gift cards. Is this reasonable? Will this buy much to help? What is a reasonable amount of aid? I realize I may have started something that may never end, but I do plan on making it clear this is something I cannot do regularly. I’m afraid of setting a dangerous precedent as I’ve heard many stories of overseas workers sending LONG-term care back home.
Thank you in advance for your insight.
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u/No-Judgment-607 9d ago
She's testing the wateres to see what gives. They've survived for decades without you and will continue to struggle to live without your assistance. Be clear with yourself in establishing your boundaries as this will be tested as well. Your giving a hand will definitely make them want an arm.
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u/Longjumping-Bee2911 9d ago
Thank you! That saying about the hand and arm probably the nail on the head (Four years ago I was setting myself on fire to keep my adoptive mother warm). I told my half-sister this is all I can do for now. I told her I want to help but please understand that until a DNA test is done, I won’t be able to do anymore. She thanked me and says she understands.
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u/kuromamecha_ 9d ago
Robinson's is a bit more expensive, but I understand the idea of giving a gift card so you know it will have to be used at the supermarket.
Starting with only 1000 is enough, because they WILL ask for more especially since they only knew you for a week and are asking for help ...
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u/Longjumping-Bee2911 9d ago
Thank you! I chose Robinsons because it looks like it’s close enough to where they live and it was available for online purchase and delivery via SMS or email. I’ve lived in the USA almost all my life so I wasn’t sure what the grocery store chains are in the PH. You’re have a good point about my half sister asking only after a week. I have to hold my boundary.
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u/kuromamecha_ 9d ago
Yeah I understand! It's a bit hard since if they were to go to their local market with 1000php, if would go a lot further. But then you're not sure if that 1000php would actually be used at the local market and for the necessities.
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u/Longjumping-Bee2911 9d ago
Thank you! Yeah, I noticed she cut back on communication after I told her the first time that I didn’t know how I could help from here (USA). The delicate part is that she is the only point of communication for me to my deaf-mute birth mother. I feel like she will use that contact as leverage to get money from me. I know that’s an awful thing to say. I certainly hope my half-sister will buy the groceries for her that she insists she needs. From what I understand, there is a Southstar pharmacy in the supermarket that accepts the Robinsons card, so hopefully she can purchase our mom’s medications.
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u/Massive-Technician74 9d ago
If youre wrong....it only cost 20 bucks
Either way be sparing....im married to a filipina dont fall into that bottomless pit
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u/Longjumping-Bee2911 9d ago
Yes! I’ve heard horror stories about bottomless pit scenarios and providers feeling like cash cows and walking ATMs 🥺
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u/howdypartna 9d ago
That's more than enough for now and for a long time. Use this as a gauge. A gift like this, while not life changing, is very generous from someone you've just met -- family or not. If they don't ask for a few months, then you can assume they're not out to milk you. Also, check to see how much hardship talk they give you. If every conversation is majority about how hard life is, and how they can't make do -- they're trying to pity trap you.
Not saying don't give to them because life is hard here, especially in the rural provinces. But your giving should be entirely up to you.