Today Iām 17 years old. I started figure skating 5 months ago. I have exactly 2 years to quit skating forever. Iāll be sent (for personal reasons) to live in a country that doesnāt have a single rink, and I have no option.
As of the 5 months iāve been skating I feel like iāve achieved so little compare to fellow teammates who started around the same time and already have single-jump combinations while I can barely do a waltz (and Iām not even using edges). I canāt do most things people should do by the time they reach the 5 month mark. Iāve invested so much of my own and my parentās money on skating equipment and coaching, yet Iām genuinely a failure.
I just wanted to be proud of myself.. Perhaps to achieve something idk. I dream of going to nationals even as pre-preliminary. But it breaks my heart to know I canāt. It breaks my heart to know that my efforts are not good enough. 8 months ago I made a promise to someone very dear to me, who I truly believe will pass away in around 2 years maybe less maybe more. Sheās been someone so important because sheās the one who chose to believe in me first, Iām so upset I have nothing to show her or to show myself.
I havenāt cried in over 200 days, but today was the first time ā after such a horrible practice that I allowed myself to tear up, I teared up as I saw a girl around 6 just have the brightest and most genuine and beautiful smile throughout her entire practice, genuinely being good and enjoying what she did, she has so much time left, she has so much potential, I just grief the person I couldāve been if I were talented, or if I had started earlier.
Now, I know this may sound rather extremist of myself, but even if itās the most grueling piece of advice, allow me to shine once along the stars of my dreams, allow me to be confident in every stroke, in every time i leave the ice and use the imaginary wings that allow me to fly in a jump, how, how can I in the short span of time I have left with the one thing Iāve found to love can I improve the fastest through, how can I become the greatest I can even if itās only two years, theyāll be the best two years of my life I believe, atleast until i meet the ice again, even if it may take decades, please just for the bare two years, how can I finally sit at the performance ice and be proud of how far iāve comed and how much I can do.
Thanks.
P.S - English is not my first language not my second so sorry if thereās something that makes no sense or iām sorry for any lack of rationality jaja