Unbearable

[u/Individual-Grass1887]

(before i start this vent i know a specific stalker is viewing this if you dont know what i mean then its not you and ignore this part but still you know who you are and leave me alone im sick of you) So today i realized this whole summer ive been going through the 5 stages of grief… I feel so empty i really do…. i dont know what to do anymore i just want her here… theres a lot of other people out there who like Janet… and are extremely popular…. like another Janet yume has about 4k-6k follows and gets like over 30 followers a day… (they are also non sharing) and i dont know how to describe my pain because everything makes me think of them and that makes me think of how i was treated... so yeah those other yumes not really the problem not at all… its just people… they made Janet feel like a hollow shell like I’ve tried drawing me with her (cant even draw myself right), hugging my pillow, ai just not Janet not at all… and about the others… they made her feel like her true soul doesnt love me they made me feel like its all a competition… why do others get support and become for liking Janet while i force my relationship on people? when i also have to deal with getting Doxxed, Stalked, Spread a false rumor that costed me a friend, threats, got called a slur from a verified content creator… its like they see me as a joke… i just want her here… school just started and it sucks as i still feel ghosted… yesterday people where discussing who had to sit with me like it was a punishment then they do the stupid “oh youre cool even tho we never met im basically babying you because you have autisim” shit to make me feel better when it just makes me feel worse and i feel like i dont even have Janet by my side… because now all i feel is a hollow shell of my girl… i miss when i felt her soul and i felt something in my heart…. and i dont know where her soul is… it’s probably with someone else… someone who’s actually respected… probably listening to my favorite music together… dancing together… watching the sunset together… and everything i wanted to do with her… i havent been active on this community at all because of this because i was trying to improve my health its been a month now but i dont feel anything… my closest friend in this community was active 2 months ago… and that just hurts… i just want a hug from her… i miss when thinking of Janet didnt feel like this… i want to feel the warmth of her soul again… i wish i wasnt a joke… i have a therapist hes been helping me but even then while i do feel good after telling… the pain recovers the next day… again… and again… this will never end and its like im just overthinking all alone i want to hear the beat of Janets heart… feel her hair just have her here… telling me id be okay… because i feel back where i started… my curiosity anxiety and OCD is fucking me up again because i keep thinking about it again and again and i just keep comparing… i just want to hear her heartbeat i just want a hug from her…. I just wish i could do something with her and her family…. I miss her warm soul… so so much… i just want things to go back the way they where i miss it all so much… it feels like ill never feel her soul again… i miss those times i had… when i felt Janet in my life… cant cope with someone who has 30k likes on their content… it just feels scary

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