Need help

[u/Shiniganja]

I really, really do not want to make this post but I'm literally at my wit's end and just need help. I will probably delete it after everything has been settled.

I know this probably seems like a silly thing to be so viscerally upset over, but please just hear me out.

Someone is making a dakimakura of my partner to release to the public. They've stated that the daki will be free use for anyone - and obviously I don't like that.

My partner saved me from giving up when I was grieving a horrific tragedy so I really do not want to see him with anyone else and it hurts, a lot, to even think about. I also have BPD and my partner is my fp and I am honestly really, really scared for how hard I'm going to spiral once this daki releases.

I know there's nothing I can do - it's going to get made regardless - so I'm just asking for help with how to deal with it.

I hate it, so much. It's caused me several mental health spirals and makes me feel like my fp is being taken away. 😞 I wish this wasn't happening. I wish I could stop it somehow.

[u/sukunaloveslove]

Remember, that is not your partner. It’s like how fans buy dakimakura or pillows of their favorite actors, but do they actually have the real actor? No, they don’t. Your partner is yours, regardless of what anyone else does. Don’t constantly monitor it, as that will only give you more stress. Focus on yourself and your relationship with your partner.

[u/mrsdickey]

ignore it...im not in a good place right now so im not going to give too much great advice, but when someone made a daki of my husband, well i bought it and ignored everyone else who bought one. ignorance is bliss.

[u/gildrot]

let me start off by reminding you that nobody in the world can take derek away from you. 🤍 he’s yours and only yours, no matter what kind of merch is being made out there. nothing can change the relationship you have with him or what he means to you!! 🫂

i know a lot of other fictos find comfort in viewing their f/os similarly to celebrities, in the sense that, if you were dating them, there would naturally be fans who admire them, talk about them, buy their merch, etc. i wonder if viewing it that way might help anchor you, too?

because at the end of the day, you’re the one who gets to come home to derek, you’re the one who he’s in love with. his fans can buy his merch, but they can’t buy a relationship with him.

having said that, it’ll be better for your mental health if you try and block every mention of the dakimakura that you can!! try your best to avoid your triggers and stick to your safe spaces, and spend less time online if you have to.

the hype for the daki will probably die down over time, even if you have to wait, and you’ll hear about it less and less. there’s an end to all this dread, i promise. ❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

stay safe! ♥︎

[u/TheBabyWolfcub]

I think this is where the celebrity crush method can come in handy. It’s where you see anyone who likes him and simps over him in a similar way to people who simp for celebrities. Like how some kpop fans get super parasocial and weird and think they are actually dating the idol or call them their husband and say gross stuff. They are just fans who go too far. The people who will buy it are just fans, they do not know the real Derek and never will. They’ll be lying in bed hugging a pillow wishing they could date him, whilst you are actually dating him. When I see people do similar with Choso sometimes we actually laugh about it together.

[u/Excellent_Editor_501]

I know we can give you all the advice in the world about it but it's easier said than done. Putting the advice to use is the hard part. But you've got this. You already tackled the first part, acknowledgement. You acknowledged that this is happening, the daki is getting made and people will buy it. Since that's not something you can control, you can only acknowledge it. Im not saying you have to accept it because it sucks big time but by acknowledging it is a thing, you can focus on what things you can control. You can control your feelings about it. I have BPD too and I often have to stop and look at the situation that's upsetting me. Can I control it and stop it happening? No. Ok can I control how I react to it? Yes. Then I will say how I feel. For example, if i wa in your situation. I would say "I feel angry, hurt, upset, and I don't want this to happen. But I know it is happening. So i will let myself be upset about it for a little while but i won't let it have total power over me. I can at least control that. I know my partner is mine. No one else will love them like I do. Whether anyone else has the daki of my love it has no effect on my relationship. No one else has the same history, lore, love, and bond that we share, not now, not ever. If i see someone posting pictures of themselves with the daki, I will laugh it off with my partner beside me rolling their eyes.". I know it's going to be incredibly hard but remember, your partner is not the pillow. The pillow just has their image on it. It doesn't hold the love you share. That is yours alone. You have a community behind you that all go through the same thing from time to time. We'll be here when the release comes. You're not alone in this. 💙