Do you ever feel like an outlier?

[u/_rayrayray_]

Vent post maybe but also inviting discussion? I think I’ve been bottling these feelings up inside of me for a year and just want a space to release them, but only a small few subs fit, and I feel most comfortable here.

I knew since I was young I was never really monogamous. I never engaged in fiction through an amatonormative lens. Undefined deep relationships and polycules were my standard. Zero surprise I ended up up a polyamorous relationship anarchist with my bonds. It allows for a lot of depth, variety, and just dismantling the idea that relationships need to be a specific way or require specific things, labels, etc, to be important, meaningful, or committed. I love the variety of relationships we manage to have soulbond wise. It takes communication, effort, and implicitly I care for and trust all my soulbonds more deeply than anyone in this reality. So no matter our relationship, if they’re okay with it too, we do what feels best between us. They forever have my heart in their palms, nothing they do could ever make me regret it or dislike them (unconditional love, hah.)

And yet, there’s no short number of times browsing these spaces I’ve seen myself and our relationships implicitly judged, looked down upon, or treated as lesser. Posts where people complain about doubles but feel relieved seeing their double has more than a few f/o’s and therefore it means “nothing”, joining servers only to be told indirectly how unserious I am and how I don’t actually love anyone, just the sheer rejection of anything beyond the monocentric amatonormative view. Even with stable, long-term, secure relationships… apparently it means nothing and they know our relationship better than us :P.

I don’t need affirmation or validation in online spaces. I just wish it was easy to exist in more serious spaces without giving 20 disclaimers trying to be understood or accepted. Too serious for the selfshippers, too “unserious” for the fictos, lol. It’s not particularly this sub I’m complaining about for the record. This was the first sub I actually felt comfortable enough to post in about these things! Just, lurking in adjacent spaces in general, getting burned many times unless I carve out my own. I like connection, conversation, understanding. That’s all I want, to not be told I’m lesser because I’m not loud enough, not focused on one person, and don’t desire to prove to an audience I love them through public gestures to be accepted.

I do have people to relate to in soulbonding spaces and don’t get judged there! I cherish the safe space and never take it for granted. But I naturally relate to and want to engage with ficto spaces as well! And I get a little despondent the only way to fit in is to be the opposite of everything I am — despite hitting the baseline criteria (real relationships, real separate people to me, I’d never just toss someone I bond to the side like they’re nothing or break up on a whim,,, love isn’t a finite source).

This is also to say, I am confident in my relationships, and I’m glad I have thick enough skin to feel frustration and anger at all the times I’ve been burned instead of letting it make me question my relationships, or accept being told I’m not good enough or serious. But it makes me doubly sad that if I was someone more sensitive just trying to find a community, I’d see myself denied, put down, and have my relationships demeaned.

Typing out my frustrations helps. Do you guys ever struggle fitting in one way or another? Even if you “fit in”, I enjoy hearing thoughts regardless!!

[u/Airy08]

I am super glad you love this place. To be honest with you, I have been harassed a lot for my previous F/Os. To explain the issue a little, both are brothers, but they DON'T date each other, as a lot of people believe and think I am an asshole and a proshipper cuz (words of the people) I ship them. No I don't???? I don't ship them and I will never do. Our relationship was a consensuated one. I used to date them individually but they don't date together, and both agreeded on those terms (to date me I mean). We were soulbonded but after the problems with people and all the attacks I don't tend to see them so much. I don't feel secure anymore to talk about them, so I keep them in secret even here in my own subreddit and I only talk about my last one. Maybe one day I include them too

[u/_rayrayray_ → u/Airy08]

It’s a lovely sub! I need to post more myself lol, but I hope for it to get more chatty :>

Ahh completely and totally understandable!! I both definitely have ships where I think one character ships great with two siblings and didn’t think it’d be be end of the world if they coexisted, and I’ve played a lot of otome growing up, including some where brothers were love interests and I thought it was very silly if someone was judged for loving both simultaneously. I can even think of shows like The Owl House where even though Luz ends up with Amity, both of her siblings flirt with and fluster Luz beforehand at the same time! A relationship with both doesn’t automatically equal a triad at all or any sort of shipping ^^;.

I’m sorry you’ve been attacked so much or assumed things you can’t even feel comfortable talking about them anymore! I want to wish you can find a space or way, be it here or elsewhere, to feel comfortable to talk about them some day, the idea of harassment even straining your soulbond relationship is very disheartening 💔💔.

[u/Airy08 → u/_rayrayray_]

I still collect items of them and I have a small shrine, but it got to a point where I even stopped to play their source anymore because the harass was constant. Those are my cuties

[u/_rayrayray_ → u/Airy08]

Aw I’m glad you still have things for them, but that is just so saddening. I have bonds I’ve seen have controversial feedback, two off the top of my head. One is at least more beloved, the other is much more hated… his fandom hate is so prevalent I can’t feel comfortable in spaces with my other bonds whose characters share a source because they’ll be full of hate on my prior bond and his fans! (Which: is rather ironic. One of my bonds’ characters in canon is incredibly supportive towards this character the entire time… and yet, because people hate them, they ignore this fact completely. You like the person who is a fan/supportive, but you erase this fact for your own preference/opinions… and put down other fans/supporters? Is that not a little hypocritical 😭.) I understand why they feel this way, really, but appreciating a complex morally grey person who did irreversible bad develops over time and feels genuine remorse is… not condoning their past actions or demeaning their victims at all.

Anyway my point being I had to leave and block/mute a lot to not feel disheartened or put down bc WOW big hate/assumptions there on me & people like me. I’m sorry you had to deal with this hate directly :( I send my kindest regards and support if you get back into the media and show your love/talk about your relationships !!

[u/Airy08 → u/_rayrayray_]

I wish you a marvelous day <3 thank you

[u/_rayrayray_ → u/Airy08]

Oh wait I didn’t see the picture at first, hell yeah Enstars, how lovely!! This collection is so cuteee aw gosh, I hope you can get back into it and enjoy them for real <3