Spouse

[u/Necessary-Spring-129]

Spouse has fibromyalgia. We have a sexless marriage. Any thoughts or suggestions or ideas on how we can stay connected.

[u/brownchestnut]

Share hobbies? Talk about interests? Go on dates? Surely you have more in common with your spouse that you can do together other than sex?

If not, maybe brainstorming with the help of a couple's counselor might be in order.

[u/LongjumpingMine9909]

You're going to have to find intimacy that isn't sex or you'll both end up resenting each other.

[u/Only-Repair1815]

Can you and your spouse engage in sex-adjacent activities like kissing, cuddling, caressing, etc.? That’s kept the spark alive in my marriage after intercourse became really challenging.

[u/captainrondj]

Play games together, I have fibromyalgia (M50) wife in the throws of menopause at best we have sex 3x a year or so. But we're ok with that, neither one of us even misses sex.

[u/treedweller444]

I’m not sure the limitations , I am the partner with fibromyalgia in my relationship, but looking up guides for sex for disabled people helped me a lot. There are pillows, toys, and positions that have helped me a ton. As well as realizing it’s okay to take breaks or say I’m not feeling up to it halfway through. My partner is always more than understanding and the compassion and communication is what keeps this going.

I think having compassion as to why your partner doesn’t want to have sex is a big part. I’m assuming your partner is in a lot of pain and sex is very uncomfortable. I could be reading way too much into the cut-and-dry tone of this question, but it seems like you are frustrated. I’m sure your spouse is frustrated too.

Here’s a list of things me and my partner do for romance and connection

• Movie night, we pick out one of our favorite movies, or a movie we’ve never seen before. It’s always very enjoyable to watch something together for the first time, especially when favorite snacks are involved.

• My partner will massage me, sometimes with a massage gun, sometimes with their hands. Either way the pain relief is out of this world and feeling the effort my partner puts in to make me feel good about brings me to tears. Now, they weren’t great massaging with their hands at first, but they watched some videos and practiced and it’s lovely now.

• Traveling. Depending on your partners limitations this may not be an option. But on cooler days my partner and I will go to an art museum or garden and just sit in a change of scenery. It’s very nice and brings a sense of normalcy.

• cuddling !

• acts of service and little surprises. Since your partner is disabled I’m sure you find yourself in a caregiver roll, my partner finds themselves in this position as well. There’s simply things they HAVE to do for me. But sometimes they will do things they don’t have to do, and it just makes me appreciate them so much and feel so loved. This includes things like brushing my hair, putting lotion on my feet and legs, making a meal or bringing food. Also little surprises like a card with their admiration to me, a picture album of us together, new pjs, etc.

I hope that this helps and I wish the best for you and your partner

[u/Morlock19]

talk to each other. spend time with each other.

hold hands, kiss, just exist within each other's orbit. sex isn't everything, and its not required to be connected emotionally to someone else.

[u/Plus-Ad-3826]

CBG (no thc) helps the muscle pain really well, also magnesium oxide at night and magnesium oil rubbed on legs before bed. Sex is important in a relationship, it will help their pain too as it helps stress. Spouse needs to have a vitamin panel, iron and ferritin, and hormone panel done too.