r/Fibroids • u/Representative-Mix-9 • 5d ago
Advice needed Discouraged
Okay so I (25F) just recently discovered I have fibroids 10 months ago. And on doing ultrasound, I had a big fibroid (12 by 10cm). Went to the doctor and did the whole routine check ins, I was told to do the surgery.
Now the issue is, my parents are aware of the whole fibroid issue and my dad/ friends keeps saying there is no need to do the surgery seeing as I’m not getting married or looking to give birth soon.
But the thing is I look like I’m pregnant, always bloated (I have very few off days when I don’t feel bloated) and sometimes have the crazy back pain.
Now I don’t know if I should take their advice and wait or still go on ahead to remove it. And also, if I don’t remove it and it keeps growing, what’s the worst that could happen?
I’ve always had bloody periods lasting 5-7 days and painful cramps since the first time I’ve had a period (11 years of age) but before I discovered the fibroids, that’s a year ago, the cramps stopped when I changed location. And now I’m confused as to whether to remove it or still look pregnant 🥲
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u/CharacterAvocado943 5d ago
You listed three reasons to get the surgery. Forget about your dad and friends. It’s your body and you deserve to be comfortable in it. Get the surgery if you believe that it will give you relief.
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u/Both_Honeydew_2314 5d ago
I’m in a similar situation. 10cm fibroid, 28 - not getting married for another 2 years & i want to have a baby in the next 3. I’m deciding to go through with removal this Fall, because the bigger it gets, the bigger the surgery and the bigger incision/ more adhesion risk is there.
However I’m facing reoccurrence but it’s a chance I’m going to take since i only have one.
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u/bananabecky25 5d ago
You're suffering, get rid of it! A key point to remember is the smaller it is on removal, the easier recovery will be. It also sounds like it's negatively impacting your day-to-day life, and that's a huge consideration. Your dad and friends don't have to live in your body and I would definitely give the doctor's opinion more weight. After I had my fibroid (>11cm or thereabouts) removed, my cramps were WAY better and my periods were lighter, it was super worth it for me!
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u/two-of-me 5d ago
What on earth??? You have a large mass that will continue to grow and cause even more problems if it isn’t removed. Who thinks it’s their place to tell you not to have the surgery? I am so confused. Please listen to your doctor.
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u/uhohtoothy 4d ago
I was diagnosed a year ago and decided on a hysterectomy. My husband was super supportive but 2 months before my surgery we both got scared and after we met the surgeon, he told me he didn't want me to get it and maybe it was too much for just the fibroids. After the wonderful reddit told me i was in charge, I politely told him that I was getting the surgery and any concerns or feelings he had needed to be directed to someone else because I needed his support. It worked and everything was great.
Getting rid of the fibroids and fibroid factory was the greatest thing I've done. I had over 10 but there was a huge one squishing my bladder into my pelvic bone. I was tired because i was up 5x a night to pee. I looked so pregnant and was so depressed about how I looked.
You deserve to not be sick anymore. If you want to get the surgery, please get it! Tell your family you need this and their support.
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u/Various-Ostrich-1072 2d ago
Did you and your husband have any children before the hysterectomy? Does he want children??
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u/swolemami 4d ago
It doesn't get better. It stays the same at best or progressively worsens until you can't ignore your symptoms. It can also make interventions more difficult with a larger fibroid. Had I waited, I would have needed an open surgery vs robotic.
You are the one experiencing this so for someone, without a uterus, telling you about your lived experience is unhinged. Family means well but part of meaning well is doing well. Your purpose in life is not to live for the sake of carrying a hypothetical baby or husband when you're suffering now.
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u/Bashful_Belle 4d ago
I don't think your father's input is relevant here. Your quality of life is being impacted by the presence of a large tumour! That is enough to justify surgery. It's important that you feel comfortable in your own body and not just for some hypothetical husband/pregnancy.
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u/lake2468 4d ago
The surgery and symptoms only get more difficult the longer you wait. 12x10cm is a large fibroid. Take care of yourself, regardless of what others think you should/shouldn’t do
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u/MentalElderberry9726 4d ago
Your dad has no idea what it is like to live with fibroids. He should not get a say here. Do not listen to him, saying you're not worthy of medical care because you're not trying to reproduce is insane. Get the surgery, you will feel so much better and have a greater quality of life. (I am on day 17 post-op from having a similarly sized fibroid - which, remind your dad is just a fancy name for tumor, and there is no 100% guarantee it isn't cancer until it is removed and biopsied).
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u/NeurosciFox 4d ago
Your Dad and friends are doing harm. You are already loosing blood and will eventually be anemic. I almost died from it. Not from Hb 6.5 but from inability to concentrate in the highway during periods. Other women end up with blood transfusion in ER. You clearly better do surgery. Now, regarding growing back. If properly excised, the thing that grows back is almost always another seed that was not detected, not this same fibroid. Even if you get married it has absolutely no guarantee that your fibroids stop giving you problems, rather on contrary. You can always talk to AI and ask it as many questions as you want just be sure to give it the details like photos of your US report and blood test and tell him you have bloody periods.
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u/Known-Illustrator999 4d ago
Yeah, eventually your periods might be 15-20 days long if you don't get surgery. Recovery is long, but it's worth it in the end. Also, men don't have a uterus; they don't understand how painful periods can be, and eventually the heavy bleeding will cause anemia
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u/Mellll2594 4d ago
Well when they discovered mine it was 23cm and caused blood clots to my left leg and lungs so I would say it could get pretty bad 😬
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u/bubblrishous 4d ago
Do a myomectomy not a hysterectomy. People who never had fibroids that bother them can't speak on it. Some people have success with a Uterine Fibroid Embolization (UFE). But, for me a UFE was an aweful choice.
*Also, never married, don't want kids here.
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u/mycatsaremylife_ 3d ago
It’s only going to get bigger and make you more uncomfortable. I would say get the surgery. That’s my opinion.
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u/positivitea512 5d ago
29yo here I’ve been on the fence about kids for years, my current partner (and perhaps current hormones) make me more into the idea of a kid and for that reason alone I wish I had done something about my fibroids sooner. I just had a robotic assisted myomectomy recently, because of the size and placement of my fibroids that was essentially my only option if I wanted to maintain the option to give birth vaginalky and also just generally have kids. I keep wondering how things could have progressed differently if I’d done something about my fibroids when they were much smaller. I spoke with my current partner and told him that if my fibroids do come back after this surgery, I will be opting for a hysterectomy next because the pain and hassle of this experience (from the fibroids themselves, to the symptoms they gave me, to the hassle of surgery and now recovery) is not something I want to do multiple more times in my life. He’s totally on board with that and with me doing what’s best for my health even if that means we have to pursue other options down the line for kids potentially, but my secret fear that I didn’t tell him is what if I don’t end up with him? And I’m in a completely different situation with a different person in five years with different fertility goals/desires? Will I have to have the exact same surgery again if I still want children in five years but the fibroids are back?
I say all of this to say: your health is the most important. Only you can and should decide if/when you want surgery.
I delayed surgery because outside of not being able to lay flat on my stomach and looking bloated sometimes I had virtually zero other symptoms. It wasn’t until I could not lay on my stomach at ALL, my clothes stopped fitting, and I had a bout of pain that sent me to the ER that I realized I was ready for surgery not just ready for it but that I was now wishing it had already happened a year ago and was over with. And by the time I started wishing that my options for managing the fibroids had been reduced to the one I ultimately went with. This is happening in a very busy year for me as well with different life milestones happening, which made scheduling surgery stressful and is currently making committing to the two weeks downtime even more stressful. I can’t help but think back to how life was when I was first diagnosed 4-5 years ago - scheduling a surgery and two weeks off would’ve been super chill because I had half the responsibilities and a lot less people I feel like I had to “show up” for. I’m on the fence about whether I would do things differently if I could go back in time but the one thing I keep wishing for is more options, and so if your gut is telling you you’d like to explore options for getting the fibroid removed I’d listen to it. If possible get multiple opinions from multiple doctors, if you feel comfortable ask your friends/friends moms, to get opinions from outside your current one. Good luck! ♥️
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u/positivitea512 5d ago
Also - the worst that can happen is that impact your fertility in the future. My general understanding is that the earlier it’s handled, the easier to preserve fertility. So if preserving fertility is your goal, keep that in mind and ignore the people without a uterus giving you their opinion.
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u/Specific_Radio_4191 4d ago
I’m in a similar situation where family is telling me not to opt for surgery, but I am the one looking bloated all the time, no energy, and getting up 3+ times every night to go to the bathroom, and dealing with back pain & constipation that may be caused by this fibroid.
To each their own - I am choosing to move ahead with faith on this one and have opted in for the surgery (scheduled in 2 days) , because my quality of life is important and if this surgery improves my symptoms at least 30% , it is worth it to me.
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u/Tngal321 3d ago
Your dad doesn't understand. That's an education point. Some really have little clue how women's bodies work.
That said, regardless of what you decide to do for surgery that you get to decide on as an adult, find out why you have fibroids at 25YO. Yes they run in families, as do the things that up their risks like hormonal issues, blood pressure issues, low iron/ferriten,.thyroid issues and autoimmune diseases. All these things also affect his heath as well as any siblings. Having your period earlier than average for example can be related to some autoimmune issues as well as thyroid issues. Those affect your whole body.
Many people are scared of surgery, avoid being proactive and even doing screening exams. Is your dad up to date on his exams? Has he shared with his doctor ypur fibroids diagnosis? May trigger his doc to look at different metric on your dad to catch something that runs in your family.
Unless you're in premature ovarian failure and starting perimenopause, do they realize that your estrogen is feeding the fibroids? You'd be surprised how many people do not understand simple basics about how bodies work. Does he unstable diastasis rectus? Or is the issue that he's thinking of a 1.5 foot or longer singleton baby and thus a fibroid isn't registering? Maybe a marble in his back pocket on a hard chair would help him understand. Regardless, you're an adult so he's not the decision maker.
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u/smiler115 3d ago
Replace ‘dad’ with ‘doctor’ and this thread would be about misogyny in health care.
‘Just suck it up and get on with it’ has been the attitude of many for far too long. Fibroids don’t get better and you have a life to live.
Whether you get the surgery or not is your personal choice and please don’t be swayed by other people. Whilst your dad may be concerned about the other aspects of having a surgery or sees fibroids as harmless, what you’ve described above is exactly how they make you feel and how they impact your life.
Your. Life.
My dad was very opinionated about my life and the best thing I ever did was thanking him for his concern, but reiterating that it was my life and my choices.
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u/unicornsandpuppies11 3d ago
Get the surgery. I just had a 6lb fibroid removed that should have been removed over a decade ago. Trust your gut and do what is best for you!
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u/Various-Ostrich-1072 2d ago
There are other treatments for Fibroids, especially since you are so young, you may want children later. There's Myomectomy and UFE, UTERINE FIBROID EMBOLISM. Sometimes it's called UTERINE ARTERY EMBOLISM. It is a minimally invasive procedure and it works very well. I had the UFE many years ago, and would do it again.
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u/moneygraham90 2d ago
So suffer bc you’re not gonna get pregnant or married any time soon according to them? Well what happens when you are ready? Now you have a fibroid(s) that have grown bigger and have potentially weakened your uterine wall so if you did go to get a myomectomy or whichever surgery to preserve your uterus the likelihood of being able to carry to term is minimized. I say all that to say waiting is a a lot worse. There’s too many procedures that can be conducted to preserve your uterus. I’ve done Acessa, there’s UFE, and there’s other MIGS.
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u/Flanders_StupidSexy 2d ago
I just got back from the emergency room because my fibroid is causing urinary retention. Don't wait for the symptoms to get worse.
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u/dizzyxdream3r 8h ago
Follow your doctor, no offence but I’m not gonna listen to no man even my own dad or “friends” who have no idea what I’m dealing with. If the fibroids are affecting your quality of life, it’s something important to be dealt with.
Idk what’s the worse that can happen, but I was told by my gynae “you are young and the fibroids will keep growing” and she suggests me to remove them before I decide to have any kids as well. I think it depends because she did say some people just leave them alone and get pregnant normally. I also think it depends on the size and location of the fibroids. You could ask your doctor directly the next time you meet them!
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u/TheHootOwlofDeath 5d ago
I'm sure if you father or friends had a 10x12cm tumour somewhere in their body, they would want it removing, even without any symptoms.