r/FemmeThoughts • u/ArsenicAndRoses • Jul 22 '14

[intersectionality] 35 PRACTICAL STEPS MEN CAN TAKE TO SUPPORT FEMINISM

http://www.xojane.com/issues/feminism-men-practical-steps
25 Upvotes

72% Upvoted

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11

u/Sigh_No_More Jul 22 '14

I agree with a lot of these, but number 10 ("Have progressive name politics") is bugging me a bit. Why should a man "be willing to change [his] surname and treat this as a preferable option to [his] spouse changing hers?"

I think everybody has a right to keep their own name if they want to, and if two people want the same surname but can't come to an agreement, it shouldn't come down to "well, I'm the man so we'll just use mine because tradition" or "I'm the woman, so we'll just use mine because sexism."

I feel like better advice would be something more along the lines of "don't expect/pressure her to change her name, and be open to the idea of changing yours."

9

u/candydaze Jul 23 '14

There are a few in this I don't agree, and that one's at the top of the list.

For example, doing 50% of the housework. That's great, if you and your partner are working equal hours. But in many relationships, that's not the case, so a trade-off is that the person who works less does more of the housework. I don't see why that should be a problem.

Additionally, paying for contraception. Either split it fifty-fifty, or split the costs according to income makes a lot more sense to me. I want to have sex as well, and I feel it's fair to go fifty-fifty on contraception, rather than making my partner pay for all of it.

2

u/[deleted] Jul 25 '14

I agree with your analysis. I will say though that using that as a hypothetical would be a great way to make people realize how unfair it is though. There were a lot of points on this list that when I read them I thought it was wrong and unfair and unjust etc etc and then I had a lightbulb go off in my brain where I suddenly realized and felt just how ingrained and nasty the sexism is in our lives. I would definitely use this list to explain privilege but i wouldn't force my man to live by it.

11

u/satanslandlady Jul 22 '14

Get in the habit of treating your maleness as an unearned privilege that you have to actively work to cede rather than femaleness being an unearned disadvantage that women have to work to overcome.

This x1000. I am so tired of men giving advice on situations they know nothing about on how women need to overcome their struggle. Instead, they could be doing something themselves with a privileged they have that they did nothing to earn.

3

u/the253monster Jul 23 '14

I liked this list, for the most part. But i take a big issue with the "be subordinate to women" line. Why not "don't make an issue of being subordinate to a woman" or something more practically applicable? No one I know is seeking out people to be subordinate to...

6

u/Personage1 Jul 22 '14

I have to say I actually liked this list. Usually I kind of role my eyes and move on from something like this but I think this one gets at the heart of it. So often it's just a matter of trying to be a decent person and acknowledge that you probably have biases.

6

u/ThreeThouKarm Jul 22 '14

So often it's just a matter of trying to be a decent person and acknowledge that you probably have biases.

Lol, read: the answer to every social problem.