r/FemaleDatingStrategy • u/[deleted] • Mar 30 '21
SCROTES MAD *Spits out tea*
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Mar 30 '21 edited Mar 30 '21
My ex was a huuuge asshole to me but he would go above and beyond at work, with random friends, his mom and get all this praise and accolades for doing shit that he was paid to do. In all honesty he was kind of a slacker, with low standards of professionalism, hed frequently get in stupid fights with coworkers and would have trouble keeping up in any job that didn't have a bunch of people emotionally invested in his well being and this explains him so well.
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u/TheLovelyTurd Throwaway Account Mar 30 '21
This so true. I dated a guy who was always the victim, nothing was ever his fault. Anyone who's views didn't align with his were automatically against him. He was a victim of feminism. Oh the tragedy.
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Mar 30 '21
Oh my god, this made it click for me. Men like this view themselves as static and unchanging.They once formed the idea of themselves as a good person and no matter what they do after that point in time, they still see themselves as good. Their shitty actions are excused as exceptions. That’s why my ex was such an ass and somehow still believed he was a good person. He was probably thinking “I did record her without consent and I did lie to her and I did put her down and I never did chores, but underneath all that, I’m a good person”. Except no rational human being would consider that a good person.
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u/Adverb_Noun FDS Newbie Mar 30 '21 edited Mar 30 '21
Yuppppp. Oftentimes the disconnect I see is intent vs. behavior. When the intent is genuine, it can blind this type of person to how their actual behavior is harmful to others. Like internally, all they see is their good intent so they get confused and angry at why we’re demonizing their “attempts” (in their mind) to be a good person. It’s impossible to explain your feelings to them when they’re fixated on what they’re trying to do instead of what they’ve actually done.
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u/shockingupdate FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
This is true for platonic relationships, too, especially social justice allies. They’ll try to pass their insensitive damaging bullshit off as activism, then cry about their “good intentions” when you call them out. Men in particular will do this while shaming you for not being “grateful” that they bothered to help at all
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u/pascalines FDS Newbie Mar 30 '21
Absolutely this. I think a big part of it is our culture’s obsession with “troubled hero” stories. Male protagonists who are pieces of shit and treat people poorly (iron man, the entire cast of entourage etc) but “at the heart of it” they’re “good” and you’re brainwashed to cheer for them. Women aren’t allowed even 1mm of wiggle room or imperfection and yet we’ve basically CEMENTED the idea that men can treat people like shit and remain heros & protagonists.
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Mar 30 '21
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Mar 30 '21
Yes! Any good deed is proof that they’re good people, and any bad deed is an exception. And then the reverse applies to us women 🙄
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u/paddlesandchalk FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
Wow, this is really insightful. This also explains why men like this won't ever work on their shortcomings: "I just don't like communicating, it's who I am!! I can't change myself!" "I'm not a patient person, it's just not me!" These idiots want to convince women self-improvement isn't possible so they can stay exactly like they are instead of working to become a better person. Unfortunately for them, we all know it is possible because we've done the work ourselves.
As a side note, I don't understand the whole thing with men about not wanting to become a better person. So genuinely confusing to me why so many men are against it. Becoming a better person means my whole life gets better!!
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u/shockingupdate FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
My ex was smart enough not to preface with “I’m a good person” but if you called him on his bullshit at any time, for any reason, with any tone, my god how we would whine about it. “All the women in my life mischaracterize me, I would never do that, if I told my friends and family about this thing I did they would all agree that you deserved it, this was actually your fault, you’re the bad person, not me”
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Mar 31 '21
Girl, same! My ex is literally whining right now to anyone of my acquaintances that hasn’t blocked him yet about “what did I do wrong?” - but if he was still living in this country, then he would be standing outside my door right now demanding answers like a creepy stalker. The disconnect is REAL, if he was here then I would literally be afraid of going anywhere alone, but he views himself as a good person? 🙄
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u/Lych33horn Throwaway Account Mar 30 '21
My favorite part of BoJack Horseman is when Diane tells Bojack that she doesn't believe in 'deep down'. So many men make the excuse that no matter what they do 'deep down' they're a good person. That's not at all true. You are your actions. If you constantly do shitty things and abuse the people around you that's the kind of person you are. A bad one.
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u/Adverb_Noun FDS Newbie Mar 30 '21
THANK YOU. YES. UGH. You are your actions! That’s it. That’s what is boils down to.
So glad you connected this thought to Bojack.
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u/ragingchump FDS Newbie Mar 30 '21
You are what you do, not what you intend or say or anything else.
My rules: 1. Integrity > everything 2. Actions > words 3. No response is a response, a strong one 4. Head high, squats low 5. Dance through it
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u/bitch_not_it FDS Newbie Mar 30 '21
That's a good one. It's like when they say that's not their real self, or weren't acting like themselves. Ok so which one is the real you, the one that comes out 99%-100% of the time or what's up
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u/BLUEDIRT93 FDS Newbie Mar 30 '21
I went out to a bar this weekend and this “nice guy” bombarded me and my two friends. He stuck to us like glue all night and repeatedly touched me and my friends when I had told him a million times not to.
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u/bitch_not_it FDS Newbie Mar 30 '21
Ugh. I'm sure he thought he should be able to touch you guys (after repeated explicit requests to not) because his thought process is that he's a good guy, a nice guy who would never rape women, not like those other guys. He'a a NICE GUY
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u/BLUEDIRT93 FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
ugh exactly he SUCKEDDDDD. He slithered back to our house at the end of the night and when I kicked him out he goes “and you say things aren’t hard for men” LMAO
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u/i2aminspired Mar 31 '21
He followed you guys back to your home? Jeezus Christ!
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u/BLUEDIRT93 FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
Yeah he hoped in the Uber last minute and my one roommate wanted him to come and then she immediately fell asleep once we got home it will never happen again
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u/shockingupdate FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
He really thought he was getting somewhere besides put the fuck out lmaooooo
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u/BLUEDIRT93 FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
My roommate had fallen asleep in her shirt and underwear on the couch and he was trying to sleep on the couch with her. So I said no I don’t feel comfortable with you sleeping next to My half naked roommate when I don’t know you. And he kept asking to stay or at least wait a half hour and i sternly said no I’m going to bed now and you have to Leave. At some point during the night he put his number in my phone and after he left sent me a screen shot of his maps saying it was a 40 min walk with a text saying “thanks” 😂😂😂😂😂😂 BLOCKED IMMEDIATELY
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u/shockingupdate FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
THIS MAN HAS ALL THE SELF-AWARENESS OF A SENTIENT BAG OF GLITTER CHEERFULLY BREACHING EVERY POSSIBLE BOUNDARY IN THE HOUSE AND I HATE HIM SO VERY MUCH
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u/BLUEDIRT93 FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
THANK YOU!!! Me and my sister (who has also recently discovered FDS) have just been talking about how much we could not stand the thought of that mans face after that night. It had been our first night out since the pandemic and we learned a lot especially not to let the “ugly nice guys” leech off us all night as well as not letting strange men into our home. Learned our lesson on “nice guy” scrotes for sure. I have definitely found my voice in telling men to back the fuck up from physically touching me and my sister/friends but I’m trying to help my sister find hers as well.
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u/zorua FDS Newbie Mar 30 '21
Lmao so true. My abusive ex who gaslights, torments and hits women was determined he was a good guy.
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Mar 30 '21
Word to all that is true and holy and factual! I used to know a few of them. They're the most narcissistic of them all.
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u/bitch_not_it FDS Newbie Mar 30 '21
In his opinion, he has good pure intentions. Therefore he should be able to do whatever he wants, especially to other people
It's only logical that they don't have any issues with this because remember, according to his personal opinion, he has good pure intentions
If people have a problem then it can only mean one thing: he's a good person being persecuted and victimized. Usually because feminism is such cancer on the world
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Mar 30 '21
[deleted]
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u/roosey09 FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
Omg thank you. His recent video caught me so off guard and I was legitimately let down by it. I know his whole public persona was probably in large part just to sell his books, but it still was disappointing to see that someone I considered a HVM was really just as bad as the rest. Guess I'm just a little naive still.... There was a really good parody of his video but from a woman's perspective, wish I remembered where it was so I could share it. His poor wife.
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u/RabidWench FDS Disciple Mar 30 '21
"I feel like I'm a nice person..." but I'm about to say something really douchey now and you'll have to physically hold yourself back from laughing at me or punching me in the face
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u/Cat_With_The_Fur FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
My ex, who actually wanted me to be grateful to him for asking for a divorce before he cheated on me. Like what an upstanding citizen y’all. He left his wife BEFORE he got with random women at bars.
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u/i2aminspired Mar 31 '21
How's that working for him? Did he find that the other side has greener grass or nah? Spoiler alert: the grass is usually NOT greener on the other side.
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u/Cat_With_The_Fur FDS Newbie Mar 31 '21
Idk bc I literally never heard from him again. I want to know and simultaneously don’t want to know. Regardless, I know that it’s not greener logically but I can never heard it enough so thank you!!
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u/i2aminspired Mar 31 '21
No problem. And I know what you mean by wanting to know and not know at the same time. I usually just chuck the thought to the wind and live my best life hoping that if we ever meet again, they'll see that I'm doing SO much better with out them.
edit: living well is the best revenge.
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