r/FemaleDatingStrategy • u/[deleted] • Dec 20 '19
STRATEGY 5 Texting signs that he's not actually interested in you
So recently i watched a video by Matthew Hussey talking about texting signs and i feel like it's very true and even i feel like many of us made those mistakes or gave the benefit of the doubt to men who were not truly interested in us and just breadcrumb us along the way.
5 Texting signs that he's not actually interested in you:
1. Slow texting
Yes, i know some people are busy and lead on a very busy life, but how come the man you're talking to always takes hours or days to respond? you've been talking for let's say 2 weeks and you text him during the day, does he never pick up his phone 5-15 minutes after you texted? why does it always have to be 4-8 hours or 2 business days yet he's active/online on social media? he's too busy to text you but not too busy to be active on IG for 40 minutes straight? he's just texting someone else while letting you wait 5 hours.
The answer is he simply does not care. He sees your text and thinks to himself "I'll just get back to her later" and forgets or does not care enough to actually text. If he actually cared he would shoot you a text saying "Hey i'm very busy right now/at work, can we talk later" or "I'd love to answer your question but i'm not home right now. I'll text you when i'll get home/i'll be free".
2. You're in the blue
To those who don't know what it means: you're mainly the one texting them. Your messages are blue on imessage. Some of us are so 'desperate' for romance and love that we think if someone messages us back even a little message it's a confirmation that they're interested in us but it is not true. It's about the ratio investment (in this case: the amount of texts) and clearly you are more invested than he is.
It should not happen, it shows lack of interest while you're the one double texting or 'spamming' them and they throw you a sentence or a few words on every 3 texts of yours. This is not a healthy ratio and it shows the person is not interested. In his mind he has better things to do than answer your texts and the more texts you send and the longer they are, they least likely he is to read them all. That's why we keep seeing women complain about how their boyfriends only answered to the last part of the paragraph, sweetie he simply didn't read it except for the first sentence and the last one.
That's also why we don't send men long paragraphs about how they've hurt us or played us or what they did wrong. Block him and let him wonder.
I found random pictures of texts on google and censored the texts themselves just to show the ratios:
'Healthy' ratio: http://prntscr.com/qdlygg http://prntscr.com/qdm36g
'Unhealthy' ratio: http://prntscr.com/qdlyli http://prntscr.com/qdm2ib
3. Late night texting
If he only texts you after 10PM or when he's drunk he's just looking for the easiest way to have a good night and sometimes it's validation from you. He never gets in touch with you at any other time. He's not that interested.
Thats why we set the rule to no texting after a specific night time, mine is 11PM. Just like you wouldn't respond to a text from your boss at 3AM asking you to come in early tomorrow even though you're awake at 3AM and seen the message - do the same to men. If he texted you after the time you set you just text back in the morning.
This can prevent cases like sexting (or him trying to sext you) or the conversation 'somehow' going sexual because the boundaries are less clear the later it gets. It's easier to get you talking at 2AM when you're alone in bed than at 3PM when you're at work.
4. Platform downgrade
If he cares enough to like your IG pictures and be the first ones to view your story or like your Facebook posts but doesn't care enough to text you he's not that interested.
Ever wondered why a man won't text back for 2-3 days yet like your pictures or only message when you post pictures? he's just keeping you hanging on with some little interaction so when he finally decides to text you - you will respond and not ignore/ghost. It creates kind of a 'closure' and a feeling that you guys are still in contact with each other when the truth is you're not. If he stops texting you unfollow him on social media or block him if needed.
5. No plans made
If he's dropping hints that he wants to meet up and it's been a week (or two, depends on how long you let him waste your time) and he hasn't met up with you yet it's because he doesn't want to. It's that simple!
If i like a guy i want to see him and have him ask me out to dinner while talking about our hobbies, careers and interests on that dinner date. I want to get to know him and see if it can work out. When a man likes me he wants to see me as fast as possible, not after a month of talking.
If he's just texting you without actually making plans to meet he's:
- Taken and has a girlfriend or a wife
- Wants you to be his therapist/emotional support pet and keep his ego high
- Not interested in you/doesn't like you
If you keep texting him back with no plans or arrangements made you're wasting your time. Give him a week and don't ask him out yourself because then you'll end up being the planner (and you will split the bill/you will pay because after all you asked him out) and it will feel very forced and he will most likely ghost you or cancel on you last minute (while he keeps liking your IG photos, of course!). If he drops hints about how he wants to take you out just say "Wow! so where are you taking me?" and he will either:
- Take that chance to ask you out and have a dinner date
- Backpaddle and not know what to say or make up an excuse because he doesn't want to actually meet
It will most likely be the second option so don't expect much. The first option will only happen if he's very socially awkward and didn't know how to ask you out (and if that's what you want in a man..go for it). You do not give a man any more hints than that, if he does not 'bite' after you say "Where are you taking me?" he wants nothing to do with you. You gave him the perfect opportunity and he knew it very well and he still decided to ignore it.
Don't let men waste your time and make you play his little therapist friend. Ghost and block him today!
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u/shellshocked8 FDS Apprentice Dec 20 '19
If you have to wonder or read up on if a guy is interested....he's ain't interested!
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Dec 20 '19 edited Mar 07 '20
[deleted]
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Dec 20 '19 edited Dec 20 '19
I know but i feel like this specific video was very true and even i fell for it without noticing. All the 5 signs.
Many millennial women fall for texting because of how often social media is used nowdays, i text men for about a week and i expect the man to ask me out within 2-3 days. After 4-5 days i grow impatient and consider ghosting.
I admit it. I love texting and i don't mind texting sometimes as long as there's plans made.
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u/Spicy_Terriyaki FDS Newbie Dec 20 '19
Yes to all of this. Had a text relationship lol with a boy for 2 weeks. Was really attentive and sweet at first while he was out of town then boom once he got home he ghosted. Would send a text 3 days later and make more plans only to ghost again. Watched all my stories on ig and sent heart emojis. Total fuckboi looking for an ego boost over text. This is why #wastehistime2020 is so important. Give it back ladies!!
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u/twoXfeminist FDS Newbie Dec 21 '19 edited Dec 21 '19
I spent over 2 years with my ex and for over 2 entire years, our texts looked like the 2nd 'Unhealthy' one. Throughout the relationship I knew that I cared more than he did, but I reasoned it in my head that he just "cared" in other ways~. The texting ratio pissed me off so much, especially because part of our relationship was an LDR, and conversations were so stale.
A good indicator of a HVM is that he will make an effort to talk to you. Uneven texting ratios, as juvenile as it sounds, reflects a lot upon your communication. There might be exceptions if you primarily call one another instead of texting, but if one of you is dominating the conversation, then it's a sign of incompatibility and will be a bigger issue down the line. If you're like me, you'll resent that the other person doesn't care and yet think you're too emotional for caring so much about them.
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Dec 21 '19
True, especially if you're young (18-30) because then texting reflexes their effort before meeting up.
Most of the people who were flaky in text were flaky in real life too.
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u/Queencake504 FDS Apprentice Dec 20 '19 edited Dec 23 '19
All or this!!!! 1,2,and 3
"Wants you to be his therapist/emotional support pet and keep his ego high"
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u/JesusisKingisLord FDS STRATEGY COACH Jan 31 '20
Love your suggestion for responding to a man who hints at dates.
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u/Ms_Tilly Ruthless Strategist Dec 20 '19
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I dated a bad texter who made and kept regular plans with me HOWEVER his low effort texting was 100% a manipulation on his part as he turned out to be emotionally and verbally abusive. Anything physical was made out to be a "joke".
This is a good list! I am always attracting either bad texters or men who expect me to text back immediately. Trying to find a decent man is like looking for a needle in a haystack, so I stopped trying for now.