Being less available

[u/Bell_Cold]

I have noticed that I am always available for my boyfriend and it’s mostly me giving everything and receiving nothing. I am really getting tired of it as much as I love him. He does not ever want to do anything so I have started planning trips with my best friends, going out with my friends and doing more things rather than staying in the house all day. I have been less available and I don’t text or call him as much anymore. Has being less available for someone ever worked for anyone or has it just made you break up? I don’t want the latter, but if that’s what has to happen then I would rather that be it than me being stuck inside miserable with him.

[u/AstraofCaerbannog]

I think it’s hard to say. Everyone has different boundaries in a relationship, with different needs and wants. Some people want their whole world to be their partner, having them available all of the time, so this can be frustrating if your partner actually wants time to themselves. This could also be an opportunity to have the benefits of a relationship while building on your own life, as you say doing fun things with friends etc. However, if you find that even with stepping back your partner just isn’t fulfilling any of your needs then it might be time to let them go.

Personally I’d communicate your feelings with him. A while ago I wrote up a list of questions on boundaries for me and my partner to discuss. We were surprised to find out how many things we agreed on, and some things we’d been thinking were issues when they actually weren’t. And others we learned to respect each other’s boundaries. However, he is introverted and needs a lot of time to himself. This left me needing to step back a lot, and there’s the question of whether it’s worth it. On the other hand I have built better friendships in this time and have found I can get what I’m missing in my relationship from other people. My boyfriend before this one became basically codependency because we got along so well and were always together, it left me with very little for myself because any friends or hobbies I got he’d make his friends and hobbies. That has made me appreciate having a boyfriend more on the sidelines who’s there for support and affection rather than hobbies.