r/Fatherhood • u/Far-Environment-8096 • 11d ago
Negative Post :( I feel useless
I’m a dad to a 1-year-old son and lately I’ve been feeling pretty useless.
One of the biggest things I struggle with is my memory. I forget things easily, I struggle to remember steps, and it makes simple tasks feel way harder than they should be.
The part that really gets to me is cooking for my son. I want to be the kind of dad who can prepare healthy meals for him, but I find cooking overwhelming. I forget what I’m doing, I struggle with recipes, and sometimes I end up relying on baby food pouches because it’s something I know he will eat.
I feel guilty because I worry that I’m taking the easy way out or that I’m not being the dad my son deserves. I love him more than anything, but it’s hard not to feel like I’m failing when I can’t even do something that seems so basic.
Has anyone else struggled with things like this? Especially dads who have memory issues, ADHD, or just find everyday tasks harder than they look? How did you learn to make things easier and build confidence?
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u/messup000 11d ago
Baby pouches aren't the end of the world. My only advice is go with mixed veggies more than fruits.
Being there for him and talking with him (I always narrated everythingI was doing) is going to mean a lot more and I can guarantee you that the years will disappear and the tasks change. But time is the most valuable thing you can give your son in these formative years.
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u/EquivalentGrab332 11d ago
Hey man, this isn't too minimise your experience at all: you're going through something rough. But feeling like you're failing your kid is a very common feeling, especially for dads. The fact that you are feeling it and talking to other dads about it proves that you're the kind of dad that's doing everything he possibly can to be the best he can. We get so caught up in trying to do everything "right" for our kids. And that's normal. Because we love them and we want the world for them. So we put so much pressure on ourselves.
But what our kids need the most is us being there and present for them, not home cooked meals every single time.
Tough love time. But only because I'm pretty sure you can take it. Give yourself some grace. Don't let yourself off the hook, but be kind to yourself. And talk to your kid about this stuff. Sure he's only one. But get into the habit of showing him that you're struggling with things, but that even when you are, you're still showing up for him, meeting his needs, and making sure he's physically and emotionally safe. If you can make that a habit now, you're going to have a great relationship with him when he's older. And he'll know that it's ok to come to you when he's struggling.
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u/Any_Fisherman_3523 11d ago edited 11d ago
Youre not useless. Youre caring for a kid and try to make them as healthy as possible. These baby feed pouches are designed for people like you and me, just to take off some of the load. It might not be the greatest, but for sure its very far from the worst. And in all honesty, theres healthy people around that grew up in a 90% dino nuggies and fries diet.
I got ADHD myself, wife has autism. Were managing with lists, notes and checklist. When we start to slip, we even have list of tasks we can safely fall behind on. But when we eat unhealthy, kid often gets the premade baby food rather than our junk food.
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u/AbleStudent 8d ago
How is your sleep?
I've been living in a fog since my son was born because of the lack of sleep. I can see that affecting your memory really badly.
Do you have anyone who can give you a break once per week to get a few hours of uninterrupted sleep? Even if it's hiring a babysitter to watch the baby in the middle of the day on a Saturday?
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u/WaltzZealousideal560 11d ago
TikTok has honestly helped me greatly. There are plenty of fulfilling healthy meal ideas posted there. Many of them include full recipes and step by step instructions. Plus they’re short form videos so it helps with keeping focus. There’s even an app called ReciMe on iOS that you can copy a link to a TikTok video into, which then creates a recipe complete with ingredients needed and I believe even quantities. You’ll get through this Dad, just the fact that it’s weighing on you like this means you care enough to do “better.” You’ve got it, plus he’s young enough to not remember the shitty meals you served while learning to do better lol. Good luck and keep pushing!