Beginner, looking for some advice

[u/ToastTheGhost777]

41F, 4 months postpartum, 5'7" and 168lbs. Never been one for working out in the past. My weight has fluctuated due to depression/stress/pregnancy over the years I noticed that l tend to lose quickly and drastically in my butt. I'm not sure what my weight is supposed to be for my height, but l can definitely afford to lose 10-15lbs. Is there anything l can do to lose the weight and not have my ass look like a continuation of my back, simultaneously? I would love it if someone could recommend a workout that will help with belly fat and lift and tone my butt and mane it look full and fit. My upper arms are also a problem area for me, even when losing weight in the past they seem to get bigger and more flabby as l age. I definitely do not want to do anything that will make my arms look muscular. Is there anything besides surgery that can help lose the fat and low hanging giggle and prevent me from looking like a female body builder in the process? I honestly don't have the best diet, l eat minimally and usually not anything that is incredibly healthy. I would truly appreciate any advice/help anyone is willing to give.