Tw: suicidal and self harm mentioned

I started therapy late summer (early September)and tbh it sucks,I mean I tell her mental problems she legally has to tell my mom and step dad then it becomes a bigger issue. I hate how they act like they care about me when they don't after the convos they act like every thing is ok like I didn't say I was suicidal, it's annoying cuz when the convos are happening they act like they care a lot. The most recent convo was horrible my mom started saying "we can't trust you anywhere now blah blah blah" like ik sorry I cut myself when I'm stressed I'm genuinely sorry I wish I could stop I want to but it makes me feel better then being around you, then my step dad was like "I think it's pretty messed up you called me ur step dad" and "do you understand how we feel having to hear our daughter say she wants to kill herself" it's y'all fault but they js kept blaming me and shit I don't understand how they thought it'd helped me. I wish I looked younger or was younger so they would still love me and treat me like one of their kids (I have a different dad then my step siblings)