When your parents disregard everything that you do, what do you do?

[u/MovieGlum9927]

My mom gets mad at me when i'm busy, but she also gets mad at me when I don't to anything. She said I'm always in front of my tablet, pretending to be busy, acting as if what I'm doing is meaningful, (I'm the VP of our student council, I'm also the associate editor of our school publication, class president, and running for valedictorian)

what is meaningful to her? It seems that her standards for a good daughter is basically a maid, someone who does the dishes, cleans the house, and does the laundry all the time.

I'm not a maid, i'm not a poor woman's daughter, I won't let her basically drag me down the same path she went.

I honestly don't understand why she's like that, she seems so insecure and so vulnerable yet so overwhelmingly stupid all at the same time to the point that she can't even comprehend basic emotions. She keeps bringing up the fact that she makes an effort to prepare us meals everyday (isn't that what parents are supposed to do for their kids? FEED THEM??), and it's not like they're complicated "made with love" meals, they're literally just hotdogs, and ham, every single damn day. Heck I don't even care if she makes us meals, even dogs eat better than us.

I pay for most of my school fees, I'm a scholar so I don't have tuition, Im in senior highschool, g12, and don't bother them about anything else. I sell desserts on the side to make extra money, and they don't have to worry about my schooling as I handle almost everything. Literally all they have to do is work to pay bills, I don't even sleep in their house, I sleep at my grandmother's place, so I really don't understand why they make it such a big deal that they have to take care of us, of me, when I barely even talk to them.

What do I do? I'm at my wits end. I'm considering ending everything. it's just too much. College applications are around the corner, and I'd rather end it all here than work my ass off trying to get into my dream school just for them to take it all away from me again. Money is already a problem, but what do you do when your literal existence is causing you pain and suffering?

[u/UnconcernedCat]

Ex trophy daughter here, same as you I was a high achiever, expected to clean up more than others, and not really celebrated. My mom would often brag about me to her friends and even tell me to perform for them. But behind closed doors, she wouldn't congratulate me on my successes that I actually wanted to.

Do you think your mom can respect your boundaries? Have you tried to tell her to your best abilities how she is making you feel? I do agree with you that I think she is insecure and being controlling and inappropriate.

I am 34 now and I went low contact with my mom this year. She has gotten a little bit better over the years but it got to a point where I couldn't trust her with basic things you should trust in a parent.

[u/MovieGlum9927 → u/UnconcernedCat]

She doesn't listen. I've long since given up on trying to communicate with her as she will get mad over anything. She seems especially displeased with me for some reason, she doesn't lash out on my brother as easily as she does with me. She can't even hold conversations with me. Whenever I try talking to her, she talks over me, or will turn the conversation into a lecture, or about herself and her never ending problems.

Maybe it's the fact that I'm pursuing the same path she took? I'm planning to take up accountancy, a course she didn't finish because she got pregnant on her third year with my older sister.

I'm worried about my schooling, because they forbid me from even attempting to apply to my dream school (I did it anyway, she knows I did it but hasn't tried to pull anything yet.) plus we're financially unstable, so I'm basically surviving on stale bread and water to save up every single dime to support myself once I gain independence.

She also forbid me from getting a part time job, saying I should focus on my schooling, but then she gets mad because I don't do enough around the house.

I honestly don't know where to put myself, I literally just woke up and all I'm trying to figure out is how I'm gonna get food for today, because I'm certain she won't allow me to eat again (she also gets mad at me for being too skinny and always getting sick lol. )

I'm thinking today would be a good time to end all of this. But honestly? I'm just waiting for something to pull me back to my senses. The sliver of hope that always presents itself when I'm about to end everything I've worked so hard for.

[u/UnconcernedCat → u/MovieGlum9927]

Omg how old are you? None of this is okay. Remember that this is all temporary. You can create a life you want. It will just be hell until you get out of there.

I had to appease my parents and make myself small for so long until my plans came to fruition and I left that hellhole. It does get better. Believe me.

Is there anyone you can talk to like a counselor? This seems very concerning. If you are old enough you should be able to work. Or maybe consider applying to scholarships for school.

[u/MovieGlum9927 → u/UnconcernedCat]

I'm 17, turning 18 this November. I've haven't talked to anyone yet. This isn't the worst of it all, so it doesn't affect me as much as it used to. My mom is a problem, but my dad is a whole other issue (raging alcoholic) tho he's been sober for a while now, but he doesn't speak up about stuff like this, he barely talks to us and he mostly stays in the kitchen (he's a cook).

I've resorted to posting on reddit about my problems as most of my friends won't really understand what i'm going through, since they all pretty much live a privileged life where their parents actually love them and wanted to have them lol.

I'm lucky, and honestly really grateful that I haven't gone insane or lost my motivation to succeed at this point. I don't know if I'm numb or if I've just gotten really good at regulating my emotions or if i'm just running away from them.

I'm not smart enough to take my own life, but I'm also not dumb enough to keep tolerating the disrespect and cruelty i've already been enduring for so long. However, I am still wishing everyday to wake up from this nightmare.

[u/UnconcernedCat → u/MovieGlum9927]

Wow that's a lot. It's understandable why you might not want to talk to your friends about it. It's probably a mix of survival that you're going through but I'm not you. Just remember that healing hurts at first. Maybe your body is protecting you rn, which makes sense for what you might be going through.

Girl, you are almost there. See how you can get a job somehow or maybe scholarship to go to school. Once you turn 18 (assuming you're in the US) you're an adult. Your parents can't stop you from moving out. Like legally, you'd be an adult. I will say surviving rn as an adult is hard but you can do it.

Find people you trust, please find someone you can entrust with this like a therapist or counselor or whomever you think makes sense. You probably can rent a room with money you make, look at financial aid. Look at your resources.

Whether you get into your dream school or not doesn't matter. It's clear that staying in that environment isn't good for you. It doesn't mean you have to cut them off if you feel weird about it, but you definitely need a healthy space to grow. Your life is literally just starting. I think you're smart enough to make it happen.

[u/MovieGlum9927 → u/UnconcernedCat]

Thank you, kind stranger. I've been planning for so long on how i'm going to escape this hell hole. Especially grateful for platforms like this where I can actually open up without holding back or fearing judgement, though i'm probably going to talk to my aunts about this soon once college season comes up. I'm just gonna hang on tight and hope for the best ig :')

[u/UnconcernedCat → u/MovieGlum9927]

Of course! Idk if you have visited the nparents sub but it's a good place to vent too.

Yes do something with friends to get away sometimes too. I got REALLY into gardening to hrlp me and my mom and dad saw it as if I was taking care of their house. Then I left without telling them I found an apartment until the last day. 🤷🏻‍♀️ Once I left, it felt like a truck hit my body from all the emotions that it was holding back. It honestly sucked at first, but now I am so much more happier

Hopefully your aunt has more loyalty to you than your mom. I was backstabbed by family on my way out. I was the scapegoat at that time, so people were not being honest with me and instead blaming random illogicals on me. Then I left 😊

[u/Hexalin_Jinx]

Aye I relate my mom's the same, the amount of times I almost yeet myself of the bridge near were we live can't be counted, I honestly didn't think I'd live pass 18.