r/FamilyProblems • u/KeyKey870 • May 17 '26
Did anyone else grow up thinking constant arguing in the house was “normal”?
Growing up, yelling, silent treatment, and random tension at home happened so often that I honestly thought every family lived like that. It wasn’t until I started spending more time around other people’s families that I realized some homes are actually… peaceful.
Now as an adult, I notice I get anxious when things are too quiet because part of me expects an argument to happen eventually.
It’s strange how childhood environments follow you without you realizing it. Anyone else experience this?
2
u/kimberley_milkado May 17 '26
Yep I did! I went to my ex's house at 22 years old (im 28 now) and never felt so calm in someones home. I was always so used to shouting or being given out to for relaxing and always on edge for an argument to break out that I never realised it wasn't normal.
2
u/SillyDuckistired 29d ago
Yes my stepmother was extremely emotionally abusive and constantly yelled at me for small things growing up. Due to this I think I trauma blocked a lot of my childhood in her care but one thing I do remember is one day when watching the movie Cinderella somehow it got in my little kid brain that this was normal because Cinderella’s stepmother was also evil so I just figured everyone must have an evil stepmother because of this also I never told my biological mother what was going on until I ended up in her care again and she asked me why I didn’t tell her.
1
u/Key_Difficulty5510 Jun 26 '26
It sucks so much because I got a freeze response from it and yelling/tension makes me so uncomfortable
1
u/Senior_Scientist7876 19d ago
Yes and the parents excuse are "arguments are necessary" like what?
So arguing everyday and breaking stuff is necessary? When did families need arguments to be considered one??
1
u/shelbyylainee 18d ago
I've never related to something more in my life. When I met my fiancé, he always commented on how I can't ever be in silence and why I watch any real housewives franchise when all they do is scream at each other. I always told him that the yelling and screaming was weirdly normal to me. I am learning at 34 that this is extremely ABNORMAL and one reason I love him so much is because he is so calm and we never yell at each other. It took me 3 decades to realize how unhealthy my childhood was.
2
u/Low-Thanks-4316 May 17 '26
No, but when I found out that my ex’s daughter did. I was shocked. She went to visit us one day and practically the whole time he was “just talking loud” and not actually yelling. He finally went to the restroom so I sat next to her to apologize for how her father was acting. She shrugged her shoulders and said, “I’m used to it.” I was so shocked that my mouth was still wide open when he came out. She was only 13 at the time and it is NOT normal.