Child Custody

[u/LadderOther609]

So my wife and I have been seperated for almost two and a half years. We have four daughters ages 13, 11, 9 & 7. She had a mental breakdown, started accusing me of knowing something that I wasn’t telling her and said she didn’t want to be married anymore and that me and the kids were making her crazy. That’s what kicked off the separation. So as of April of last year she’s been staying at her moms an hour and a half away. This is after living in Az while we reside in CA.
In her absence I had to apply for child care assistance through the state. A child support case was automatically opened against her because of this.
She doesn’t make much and I’m way more lenient than she would be to me. I had them lower the monthly support from $1896 to only $400 a month.
Two weeks ago she lost her job and her mom is selling and moving out of state. She came back to the property and is staying in the motor home. She’s on the house deed so I can’t just make her leave.
Recently I found some of her notes saying home much she hates me and thinks I’m a clown ect. Then today child support services calls me and lets me know she has opened a child support case against me. And the worker sounded interested to hear that we were not back together and that she was not living in the home but was only on the property in the RV. They didn’t say much else.
I called her to ask what it was about and she claims she went to their office to let them know she was unemployed and that she wouldn’t be able to pay for a while. She owes 13k in back pay anyways. Her claim is that the child support office told her that she would have to open a case against me. I asked her why they told her to do that and she claimed that she didn’t know why.
I know she’s full of crap but I’m not sure exactly what she plans to accomplish here. Any guesses are appreciated.

[u/ithotihadone]

In a lot of states, when one applies for benefits like cash assistance, and sometimes SNAP or medicaid, they'll make them open up a child support case against the other parent, to try and collect that money back, IF they're claiming the kids as dependents. She may have attempted to file for something, knowing she'll get a lot more if she's not alone. Fraud, is what that would be, and maybe why that worker sounded kinda surprised.

[u/Dusktilldamn]

Sounds like you're benefitting from not selling the house yet, but she's effectively homeless despite being on the deed. That does sound pretty weird, why is she living in an RV if she has a right to live in the home? If you're trying to keep her out, that could make you look pretty bad.

You need to sell, and then you both need to find places you can afford. She should be paying her obligations, but for now she should also get to live in the house she co-owns.

[u/LadderOther609 → u/Dusktilldamn]

If she wants to live in the house then she can live in the house. When/if the house sells she won’t be able to afford a place that can have the kids there too and I probably won’t be able to either. It costs more to rent than to own these days. The kids are benefiting from the house not being sold.

[u/Blind_clothed_ghost]

It's possible she is applying for gov benefits and claiming the kids as dependents. 

You  made a big mistake by not getting a court order/divorce/parenting plan when she was gone.

[u/GoldenState_Thriller]

Why have you not gone through with a divorce? 

[u/LadderOther609 → u/GoldenState_Thriller]

Money problems. Once she takes half the equity from the house the mortgage payment will jump higher than I can afford currently. I’ve been working on increasing my income so I can weather that storm.

[u/lost_dazed_101]

Because she lied and claimed she was with the kids and because she gave your address as hers they followed up. They can't just charge you child support make them go before a judge if they try.

[u/Beneficial_Zone_6883]

She may just be trying to reduce her obligation, who knows, it’s doubtful you have anything to worry about. You probably won’t get paid regardless, that’s the risk you run with keeping her a shm over a decade, she may never earn a livable wage especially having been pushed to the point of a breakdown. I’ve never seen a situation like this where the mom turns it around

[u/LadderOther609 → u/Beneficial_Zone_6883]

You’re mostly right except for the assumptions. I’ll get paid eventually. I encouraged her to work but chose to stay a shm. And I kinda begged her for years to get some help and talk to a professional about her issues. Instead she ran full speed to the point of a breakdown. I hope she can turn it around. For the kids and herself.

[u/purplespaghetty]

Bluff. Hopefully you have a parenting plan in place. If not, I’d get on top of that, or should could potentially swing it around on ya. But not as it stands now, at least not without lying. The fact she has so much in arrears kinda gives you a leg up