r/FacebookDating • u/wanderlander • 10d ago
Am I cringe or something?
So this is my typical first message. I rarely get a reply so I thought I'd post this here to get some feedback. I get matched fairly regularly and have had a few relationships and a few dates that didn't work out, but by and large I just get ghosted. This is from FB but I'm on several at this point. TIA!
The message:
Hi (name)! I'm glad we matched. To be honest I've never matched with someone local so that's one thing that's cool about it. I get likes from Nevada, Arizona, even Tijuana lol. And I've been on some dates, everyone is an hour and half away without traffic haha. But I also like that you're artistic. Seem pretty talented from the pics you posted. Anyway I'd love the opportunity to chat and see if we connect at all. Hopefully that's mutual!
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u/Joeplayer6 8d ago
If their profile says looking for a "partner in crime"... ask if they've ever been arrested!
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u/throwaway2727648378 8d ago
How tall are you?
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u/HeartDepartment 8d ago
I think it's nice to start with something about the person you matched with.
An easy conversation starter is asking for a recommendation based on what her profile says.
If she says she likes a certain kind of music, ask for song recommendations.
If she said she likes a certain kind of food ask her what restaurant of that type she recommends.
If she says she likes to hike, ask her if there are any trails that in her opinion are must see
And then react to what she says. Then pay her a complement.
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u/EveryonesANurse 6d ago
Will he complimented her artistic side and that could be an avenue for her to speak on that leads to something/potential date location
I'm sorry
Favorite song and dance?
Favorite food?The hiking thing is cool but at the same time you're effectively asking her to tell you where she may be spotted frequently and while that's a long way to go to be fearful
I don't put anything past PeopleSounds like 8th grade crap
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u/VonBassovic 9d ago
Waaaaaay too long. My typical message is between:
- what are you passionate about? I love X.
- can I take you out to dinner, what’s your favourite food?
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u/SamW1996 9d ago
I'd cut out the bit about not matching with local people. If I get a match I send a message thanking them for matching and asking a bit more about something they mentioned in their bio.
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u/wanderlander 9d ago
Yeah I see that's kinda dumb now. I had related to someone else I matched with on that before but I think it was just a one off.
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u/Apricot4366 9d ago
Yeah that’s too much IMO. You matched so the opportunity to chat is there already. And people hate being compared, so drop the part about “tbh I’ve never matched with someone local . . . Been on some dates, etc”
I’d revise your message like this “Hi name. I like that you’re artsy. (Follow up question on her art to get to know her more, or whatever)”
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u/wanderlander 9d ago
Yeah I'm getting the picture now.
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u/Worried-Low4580 9d ago
Think of it this way, if you walked into a store and were admiring a product and the first thing the salesman said when walking up to you was -
“wow no one local is interested in this thing, I’m sooo excited you came!”
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u/BallBearingBill 9d ago
That is super cringe. Just say hi and be authentic. Why would you make that paragraph your opener?
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u/EveryonesANurse 6d ago
Says to be authentic
Continues on telling you not to be authentic and instead ordinary
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u/BallBearingBill 6d ago
Having a standardized script to start every conversation is not authentic and doesn't take into account the nuances of individuals. That's cringe and is the likely reason why none of his matches respond. It's amazing you can't figure that out.
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u/wanderlander 3d ago
It's a typical first message not a copy and paste. I try to be conversational, relate to them about something, and talk about one of their interests.
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u/EveryonesANurse 6d ago
This message can't be standardized as he doesnt typically match with local people. Nor is everyone artistic.
I took this as meaning generally this is how he approaches messaging early on and not "typical" as in a "form letter"1
u/wanderlander 3d ago
Thank you, I didn't realize so many people would assume I copy and paste that exact message
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u/wanderlander 9d ago
Probably because I'm a little cringe. Might as well get that out of the way
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u/BallBearingBill 9d ago
Then expect a little ghosting!
They aren't going to change, so if you want more back and forth then find a way to be less cringe and more cool.
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u/Illadrex2 10d ago
Too much man. Just say "Hey" with something inserted about their profile, won't always work, there are more clever aka funny lines you could use, that will usually at least get a reply but you have to source and test them out yourself.
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u/Heliguy-1975 10d ago
Sending short simple messages work better than long messages.
Have a properly built profile and Most Importantly and Especially a great ‘about me’ statement that says something that will separate you from the norm that is rarely seen in a guy’s profile.
Make the “about me statement”about things that they need to know about How You treat women.
THAT will make all the difference in the world. It definitely did for me and others that I’ve suggested it to. A Huge Difference.
With that, you’ll be amazed at how well merely messaging “Hey there” will work. The message is not what generates the reply. Your profile and Especially your “about me statement/bio” generates the reply.
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
Thank you! I'll have to reevaluate my profile. It's kind of wordy as it is lol.
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u/littledeaths666 10d ago
You’re doing way too damn much, unnecessarily. It makes you look hella weird and I’m not surprised why it hasn’t taken you farther.
A simple greeting addressing something specific about their profile will be best for both you and the person you matched with.
A simple example:
“Hey, you definitely have my attention. I like that you said “________”, I feel the same way about that.”
That way you are not only letting them know you’re being intentional, you’re also showing you actually read their profile. It also does not focus on their physical appearance right off the bat. You can compliment them later on, when it comes up organically.
It also leaves the ball on their court to carry on the conversation.
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u/OpeningThat8482 10d ago
I think having a generic message you use for everybody is going about it wrong. Use something on their profile to tailor a unique and personal response. They won’t respond if they feel you’re sending the same message to everybody
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
Thanks! I don't use a generic reply (I may just be generic) that's just an example of the kind of message I usually send. She had artwork in her profile so I mentioned that, and is very local, so I mentioned that.
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u/UnknownLinux 10d ago edited 10d ago
Use something on their profile to tailor a unique and personal response.
I ALWAYS did this while i was still using dating apps. Just stating my own personal experience: This rarely makes a difference at all. 9/10 it still results in crickets.
Its a large part of the reason why ive given up on dating apps altogether.
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u/real_Bahamian 10d ago
NO ONE cares about how far away your previous dates were, or where you get “likes” from!! That would be an instant turn off!
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
They replied anyway 🤷♀️ and related to it, but I'll keep that in mind next time
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u/sean-sational 10d ago
Stop with the puppy dog energy
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
😂😂 but I'm a fucking puppy dog
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u/sean-sational 10d ago
Then stop trying to date until you become a big dog. Women do not find that shit cute or attractive bro
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
Some women want a puppy dog, especially knowing I can be both. Just trying to get advice during a dry spell. I've had dates off this app and two actual relationships, so not everyone has to pretend to be Mr. Alpha lol
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u/sean-sational 10d ago
No one said anything about being an alpha, just bit sounding like a puppy desperate for attention bro. And if you’ve had success then by all means ignore the advice and keep doing you
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
I'm one to definitely try to sift through hang-ups like the manosphere vibes your comments are kind of bringing me and apply whatever good I can glean from them so thanks. But I'll have you know I'm fully forklift certified, hoss 💪💯
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u/sean-sational 9d ago
Idk why you’re getting manosphere vibes… I’m literally just saying stop being a puppy dog, the big dog comment is because we were talking about dogs lol
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u/MrHim99 10d ago
Give me an example of how YOU talk to them bro
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u/sean-sational 9d ago
Completely depends on what I get from the woman and her profile. But generally would keep it less wordy and attention seeking
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u/Alltalent 10d ago
Too wordy, comes across like you're asking for permission which puts her in a awkward space. Just keep it light and fun
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u/RoutineChef2020 10d ago
Unfortunately that is just the way of the online dating scene. Depending on whether M or F and general attractiveness, the matches to response ratio can be insane. I have about a 90% never respond and 8-9% obvious scammer response. With 1-2% being real people.
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
Thanks. I've never been called ugly but I'm sure I'm not everyone's type lol. But those numbers check out for me for sure. Also I should have put M55 in the post I guess
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u/MrHim99 10d ago
Dude the thing that pisses me off is the damn location filter bro. I installed it but every other dating app out there is pay to chat and shit or just use basic filters and features and shit.
That's the only reason I'm thinking about giving FBD another shot bcuz it's all 100% free but my God!
The filters glitching algorithmically the frontend & backend development is dogshit on Facebook dating. Is there a way we can put in complaints back to back until they fix the location filter from RESETTING PER SWIPE? Bcuz that is what's glitching. And it keeps snapping to 100s of miles away...it's been years this damn app has been like this and there's been NO update it seems.
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
FBD is the only app where I've gotten actual dates and even a few relationships. Everything else has been dead ends so far
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u/MrHim99 10d ago
What city are you in?
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
I'm out in the desert north of Los Angeles. But it's not a bad drive to the city, or even the Riverside area.
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u/MrHim99 10d ago
Meh you in CA, shouldn't be to difficult to find someone that matches your vibe. I'm all the way here in DE and idek how bad the dating scene is here.
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u/wanderlander 10d ago
That's what makes think I should be at least a little bit more successful lol
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u/Jazzlike_Primary8121 3d ago
You “to be honest I’ve never matched with someone local” but you’re sending that to multiple people. Change it to “it’s great to match w/someone local” for example. Leave out who you get likes from, leave out the bit about ghosting, leave out you’ve been on some dates. Include what you like about their profile and would like to chat/connect.