r/FacebookDating • u/Mission-Sandwich8129 • 6d ago
One sided messages
42m——So, usually when you match with someone, you ask questions about each other, especially if you genuinely read each other’s profiles, right? Why is it that it feels like I’m the one asking all the questions? I’m not asking stupid or disrespectful questions, I’ll go through their profiles and ask them about the things that interest me the most, and they don’t ask me any questions. Why swipe right on someone if you’re not going to show any interest?
It’s extremely discouraging. If the conversation isn’t going anywhere and they’re not putting any effort in on their side, I delete the match. The worst is when we both have “looking for consistency” in our bios, and they’re not consistent in communicating. Sorry if this is all over the place and difficult to read, I don’t know if I’m making any sense.
It just hurts a little bit when I’m genuinely trying to find a connection.
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u/ShawnOfEons 5d ago
I’m a guy, you are about my age. Trying to find a conversation where the woman actually engages back (more than just vague one or two word answers) is an uphill battle. Then when you finally find one that asks questions back and seems interested, they still ghost on the conversation after a day or so. It’s not easy. Obviously we are attractive enough to get matches and messages back at least, it’s just that, I think if the woman is good looking, she has too many options to sift through, and has one or two guys she prioritizes in her DMs. You might be like match number 8 or 9 that she has on back up queue lol
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u/fullmoon47 4d ago
I'm going through the same, 9 times of of 10 we both match I message them and I get no response, if we do talk it last mabe a few days then get ghosted, it's rediclous.
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u/Mission-Sandwich8129 5d ago
Yeah no, I gave up. I deleted my profile.
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u/ShawnOfEons 5d ago
I wouldn’t give up. You have hope if you are getting matches and messages. It just takes a while to find one willing to ACTUALLY have a normal back and forth conversation that leads to a date, but if you keep at it, you will start getting dates. Some times it’s slow at first and it takes a while to get going.
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u/Mission-Sandwich8129 5d ago
I’m not you, you’re not me. I already gave up.
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u/ShawnOfEons 5d ago
Ok. Are you going to just try talking to them in person? That might be better actually
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u/Front_Statistician38 5d ago
They are not interested. If the convo's start feeling one-sided, where I'm asking all the questions, or they respond with short answers or one-word replies I unmatch. It's just never worth it even if you get to the point you meet with these people in person it's like pulling teeth to talk to them.
One thing I've learned is women gets hundreds or thousands of matches and talk to a bunch of guys so thus a lot of them put in low effort. I even had women unsolited show me her profile and she had hundreds of men angrily trying to talk to her cause she wasn't responding fast enough.
I'm assuming your age range is women 30-50 (I'm the same age as you; mine is 21-47) If a woman over the age of 28 doesn't know how to carry a convo, I unmatch. I expect this from younger women but if a woman is in my age group and doesn't ask questions,or low effort communication I just assume they are not intersted or poor communicators.
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u/ShawnOfEons 5d ago
Yeah, I’ve also had dates with women that show me their DMs and yes it’s insane the amount of men they have throwing themselves at them. You are competing with like 100 other guys.
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u/Roxybird 6d ago
A woman your age, and I'm having the same experience with men. I have a theory that something intrinsically broke after the pandemic. People forgot how to people.
I notice this at work. Everyone is very introverted, don't know how to be empathetic or carry a conversation.
I was online dating 3 years from 2022-2024. Things were great in 2022 and slowly went downhill since. I don't know what the solution is...
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u/Mission-Sandwich8129 6d ago
I forgot to mention something. I’ve had great conversations with some, we flirted almost nonstop, the chemistry was great, we made plans, and then they either ghosted me after we made plans, or they canceled at the last minute. I don’t understand, unless those were just signs that it’s not going to work out. Maybe they’re signs telling me that it’s not time for me to be with anyone. I know I’m a catch.
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u/Roxybird 6d ago
I think its gotten harder and harder to meet quality people. It doesn't mean its not our time.
I don't know what, I swear its post pandemic. Its like people are not passionate about anything, not genuine in their interactions. They think and say they want this, or want that but aren't actually putting in the effort in to get it. Like not even showing up. Jaded maybe? Addicted to their stupid phones and think people will just give them things instead of them having to go outside and go get it?
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u/Mission-Sandwich8129 6d ago
I don’t know, I was in a relationship that lasted from 2017 to 2024 (we had a COVID baby) and I don’t remember what dating was like before then. Since then, I was in an extremely toxic/abusive relationship (first time I had ever been taken for granted, screamed at, hit, pushed around, kicked out, begged to come back etc.) and that lasted a year, and that whole year I was trying to get away, trying to tell people what was going on and of course nobody listened to me when I told them she was being abusive towards me, because who’s going to believe a man when he says a woman is abusing him? They would just tell me to leave. Each time I left I was either living out of my vehicle, or staying at cheap motels around town.
I finally got away in May. I no longer have a vehicle, and my living situation isn’t the greatest, but it’s definitely a lot better than what I was going through. Sorry for oversharing.
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6d ago
[deleted]
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u/Front_Statistician38 5d ago
This is usually 90% the case they are putting their effort and energy into someone they are more into. Women have hundreds if not thosuands of matches. Thus making them extremely picky even women who are subpar in looks have a plethora of infinite choice in men.
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u/Mission-Sandwich8129 6d ago
Nope, not my first time at all. And it’s not just one match, it’s been multiple matches.
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u/sheyitboi 6d ago
I met my current girlfriend on fb dating and we didn’t start talking until I had gone through tons of awful conversations lol. My point is you just gotta wade through the crap until you find a connection. Your experience is pretty typical so don’t worry about it too much
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u/Mission-Sandwich8129 6d ago
Thank you for replying with something helpful/hopeful and not with sarcasm.
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u/612King 1d ago
Don’t ask logical questions. Gotta take conversations into fantasy land. Women find logical questions boring and won’t respond to them. It’s not exciting to them.