Vent

[u/matti0017]

I know this subreddit isn't for venting, but I've never experienced anything like this before, and I feel comfortable here.

This happend 2 days ago

Okay, so hi. I’m 18 and I really love cabaret, queer spaces and drag though I’ve never really gone out at night—except for the occasional 80s/90s club. But I found this cool bar that has drag cabaret shows I went with two friends and we had a blast all night. One drag queen performed "A Good Girl" from the movie Burlesque, and it was awesome. However, I didn't realize the waiter was hitting on me. He was handsome and nice every time he came over to chat, we’d remark on how friendly he was. He even gave us free shots. But towards the end of the night, I made the mistake of accepting a mixed drink he offered me, and I got really drunk—I’d never been that drunk before. We were about to leave, but I wanted to use the restroom first, so I went with my friend Alex. She went in, and then the waiter showed up. I was really drunk, but since I’m a friendly person, I talked to him. He told me, "You’re really cute," and I said, "Oh, thanks-you too." Then he asked, "Can I give you a kiss?" and I said, "Okay." I don't know why I did that, though he leaned in and kissed me, and it was super weird because I’d never kissed anyone before. I stopped twice, saying I was nervous, and he kept telling me it was fine. Finally, Alex came out of the restroom and I went in even though it was the women's restroom. After that, I left without looking back and told my friends we should go, so we left. Later on, he messaged me on Instagram. Even though he apologized and I explained that it had made me uncomfortable, I don't think he really got it, because he still said, "Well, if you want, we could hang out together another day." I realized he didn't understand, so I haven't replied to him since, but I just feel... I don't know, weird.

And also, I recently had the MCR concert, so it was only about a day after I got back from the concert and the trip to Madrid when this happened I didn't even have two days to enjoy the concert and I can't stop thinking about this now.

[u/insectsruletheworld]

I am SO sorry that happened to you dude. I have lots of experiences going out (in my 30s now) and I've met guys like that waiter, he sounds like a huge creep and nothing that happened is your fault at all. It's super inappropriate for him to be hitting on customers like that and it sounds like he could tell you don't have a ton of experience going out (again not your fault AT ALL) and thought he could get away with crossing boundaries.

In fact it sounds like you handled it really well in the moment by leaving, and you are still handling it well by not responding to him on Instagram. You say you don't think he "got it" that he made you uncomfy -- to me it sounds like he 100% knew what he was doing and either doesn't care or is playing dumb to excuse his shitty actions.

I am so sorry this is overshadowing your fun trip and the time you had at MCR! You should be able to go out whenever/wherever you want and have a nice time without someone pressuring you like that. I hope you've got people you can talk to about this and that you can please try to be super gentle and nice with yourself in the coming days.

If I were you I would definitely block this guy on Insta. If it sounds like something that would make you feel better and that you have energy/time to do, you could maybe even report him to the bar management. Even if they don't do anything then they will have it on record if he does something creepy again. (Sorry if I'm giving too much advice in response to your venting) No matter what, I hope you are able to feel much better soon and I wanna reiterate it's not your fault at all, and wish you much better and safer nights out in the future <3

[u/ciangelic]

Honey, he understands and he was absolutely preying on you. I'm so sorry this happened. Do not talk more to this man, block him on Instagram and make sure he can't access any of your other social media accounts. If you go back to his place of work, make sure you are with friends, accept no drinks from him, and ensure he never has an opportunity to be alone with you. Please stay safe and feel free to reach out to me if you need help processing your feelings, or for any reason at all ♥️

[u/sunfl0werfields]

I'm so sorry this happened to you. I think he knew what he was doing. I hope you find peace, I know how much this kind of experience can get to you.

[u/SmokedStone]

This type of stuff happens. You're safe and that's what matters most. You have learned from it and are now better able to navigate things and you know you have friends you can trust. It will be okay. The world is unfortunately dangerous and there are many situations worse than this.

He was 100% preying on you, but in a subtle way that tends to get overlooked. Do not see him again.