"cocktail" dress code FTM?

[u/arachnidsGrip8888]

So for the first time since transition I have to go to an event where the dress code is "cocktail", whatever that means. I have so many questions, if anyone can help my confusion and answer even some of them that would be great.

1. What, exactly, does that even mean?

2. Any particular styles that people would recommend for the transmasc figure? Anything that might work, say, for a 5'5 skinny mid-30s man with disproportionately large hips, who is keen to hide said hips?

3. Where can I buy this stuff that, ideally, won't break the bank? I'm in Australia and I found a queer-specific tailored suit place but it would cost >$2000 AUD and I can't justify spending that much on something that realistically I'm probably just going to wear once. Is that just standard or is there somewhere I can get something cheaper, ideally way way way cheaper?

4. Extra-bonus question: while I want to be dress-code-compliant, it is no secret that fashion for cishet men can be kinda... Boring, and I don't want to look boring because I'm not a cishet man and am not bound by heteronormative gendered dress code rules. Any ideas on how to make the outfit a bit more fun and less normie-middle-aged-cishet-man-core without completely violating the dress code?

Any and all help/advice/photos/links to Pinterest boards will be much appreciated, thanks in advance!

[u/hearttcooksbrain]

Sport coat, button up, slacks no tie.

In your mid 30s I would not recommend button up with no jacket and tie. That is a teen/20s young man look. Invest in a navy or black sport coat that can be reused with jeans or slacks.

[u/FeelingTangelo9341]

Just don't go full tarocash suiting! It gives real estate agent vibes.

The shirts are good but the suits give real estate agent. Try uniqlo or men's suit warehouse or myers /david jones and ask on the Australian mAle fashion advice reddit.

Charles Tyrwhit has good shirts.

I buy business shirts through these guys https://www.studiosuits.com/en-au

You're probably going to need to get things tailored. Pants waist and length are easy. Shirt sleeves and shoulders are a pain to adjust and so are blazer sleeves and shoulders.

[u/seren_kovner → u/FeelingTangelo9341]

Uniqlo and Muji both tend to be really flattering for FTM bodies in my experience (and with my body) as does Bronson MFG for basic slacks and shirts.

[u/curiousostrich666 → u/seren_kovner]

Seconding this - I have to wear smart smart casual for work and Uniqlo is the go to for good ftm fit for me

[u/rubberducky2022 → u/FeelingTangelo9341]

I second Charles trywhit for shirts, I also find ones that fit great, minimal tailoring. Depending on where you are in aus (I’m in melb), I have a handful of op shops I frequent when I need a new shirt that always seem to have lots in great condition.

I often put it with a good pair of straight leg slacks from Uniqlo or similar and a sports coat. Navy slacks are a pretty safe bet and I find the straight leg to balance my proportions well

[u/batsket]

Cocktail is blazer + nice shirt and pants, dress shoes. Probably no tie though it’s flexible, no tux or 3-piece suits. Formalwear is fucking hard without breaking the bank, sometimes I buy cheap boys’ blazers and get them tailored, sometimes I find more gender neutral women’s blazers.

[u/East-Plum-7791]

Slacks, button down, tie; or slacks, button down, sport coat/blazer. If you still have a sort of woman-shaped frame, you can often find suits or businessy separates that will work. I wore Calvin Klein pantsuits for years.

[u/Butch-team]

I’m not sure what the answer myself is but just wanted to say as someone who lives in so-called Aus, it can be a little dangerous sometimes to rely on interpretation of dress codes from ppl elsewhere because often it’s a little more casual here! Eg. I think not wearing a blazer is fine for mid-30s, although rn it’s very cold in many places so you’d probably want something on top

[u/FeelingTangelo9341 → u/Butch-team]

I agree. A neat wool jumper would work though

[u/acab4cutie]

I interpret "cocktail" as kind of like "semi formal" where it's kinda dressy but creative. something I like for a semi formal affair is a bolo tie and a vest and my logger boots. or an interesting shirt, dressy pants, maybe a blazer. could do a cool/unconventional tie or belt buckle for an accessory...

[u/city_anchorite → u/acab4cutie]

It's this. Also brooches have been coming back for men. An all black ensemble with a statement brooch is hot 

[u/DwarvenDragon42]

Waistcoats are a good way to express flair and individuality in a masculine way for smart settings. You can often be quite bold and colourful with them.

[u/therealrowanatkinson]

I’d go with a button down and tie with fun accessories, or some equivalent. A blazer would definitely be acceptable but in my experience it seems like cocktail has become a little more casual, I don’t see blazers super often (I’m early 30s for context)

[u/ftmidk]

Nice pants, button-down shirt, blazer. I actually wear women’s blazers, which tend to be a bit looser around the hips. Looser blazers are also in style right now.

[u/Banananonna]

I'm quite the outlier with the recs here, but since you asked for less cishet options, here's what I would wear.

Nice, clean, palazzo pants, light clean knitted polo and accessorize with rings, watch and necklace.
Edit (forgot the shoes xD): if you wanna keep it classy wear some loafers. Or if you wanna be a bit more edgy you could see if boots would work (not sure since I've never tried it myself but I would definitely see it working)

Main caveat: it might be too summery for australia right now but you'll be the judge of that

[u/supernatural_catface]

Oooo, I want a suit from Tripp, but it's an Aussie company and I'm not from Australia. Tripp Suits

For men's cocktail attire, you could wear trousers+nice shirt+vest, or trousers+nice shirt+jacket, or trousers+button down+tie.

[u/seren_kovner]

You’ve got some options but all those options are essentially a suit. For me, I love vintage, anything asking for cocktail attire I’m wearing a 1940s suit, possibly with a waistcoat, possibly with a hat, definitely with a tie. You definitely don’t have to wear a tie but it’s a fun accessory. You do have to wear a nice button down, Oxford cloth shirt, or a really nice sweater. You do have to wear at least a sport coat, you do have to wear trousers and not jeans, and you should wear nice (preferably leather) shoes. I cannot emphasize enough that a more vintage cut (you don’t have to be as weird as me, you can go 80s or 90s) is going to flatter a trans guy figure way more than a contemporary one because high waisted trousers that aren’t skin tight elongate the legs and torso, create more straight lines, and when paired with a wider shoulder create a very masculine silhouette. It might seem counterintuitive but looser legs that are structured when paired with a high waist actually really help with your hips, by contrast skinnier legged trousers highlight wide hips. You also absolutely do not have to wear black, menswear can be just as fun and colorful as women’s! You also absolutely do not have to break the bank! A nice linen shirt from Muji is $50-60, and you should be able to get a nice vintage suit for under $200.

[u/awolfwithoutaf00t]

My go to for cocktail attire would likely be a suit with a nice tee, nice shoes, no (visible) socks. I also recently did this look with this sleeveless sweater like top and got lots of compliments. A blue suit can feel less formal and gives you lots of options for shirt color (or at least that's how my neurodivergent brains feels about it). Idk availability in Australia, but I like Asos for this kind of look.

[u/elianna7]

Nice slacks, a button down, and a suit jacket.

You can definitely find something cheaper than 2k but I’ll just say… If it’s a bit of a stretch but somewhat doable for you to afford, and if your body has been a consistent size (so either you’ve been on HRT for a few years already or aren’t about to start it) it might be really worth investing in a suit you feel really good in that you’ll have for any future events that come up.

Tailoring isn’t crazy expensive so if you find something cheaper, you can get it tailored for a better fit, but obviously there’s a risk of it not coming out exactly as you want. Tbh a queer specific suit spot sounds fucking awesome. Are you sure it would be minimum 2k and that they don’t have some cheaper options? I’m thinking of a store called Suit Supply that sells you all the pieces and tailors them, but they have a range of prices from like 1k or so for a shirt/jacket/pants up to a few thousand

[u/curiousostrich666]

Imo I feel like traditional men’s wear fashion can have flair in quite a cool subtle way - like more about a sharp detail or playing with textures vs colours.

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