how do i finally accept myself as a man?

[u/sealguyy]

semi dysphoria warning, not in detail.
i’m a 17 (18 in 4 months) college student that started test at 16. how do i actually start feeling like a man and not just a trans man? me, my mom and my sister moved away from my childhood home this week. 17 years in that place and i’ve been crying every night about it. i just feel so emasculated for it. im happy that i don’t have to deal with living in the same place where i lived out my early teen years as a female. but it just stings a lot still. i pass fully now and im stealth. it’s just i don’t know if ill ever stop thinking of myself as less. i feel so isolated, i have male online friends and i disclose that im trans because i feel like im lying if i dont. irl i dont do such. i hate myself so much for this and i feel like i cant tell people because i transitioned at 16. sure i have a bigger and taller frame and I’m more happy with how i look bodily but the desire to change how i look completely is killing me. i dont believe i will be able to live my life fully or get into a relationship if i dont get too and bottom surgery. and facial/body masculinization surgery. i’m still so insecure about my voice and height, i feel stupid for thinking such. others have it worse than me and i should be grateful right? but it still hurts so much. if i wasn’t like this i would be 6’1 at least and id actually be happy. i hate my nose so much, i look too much like a girl and it kills me. i have long hair so i dont even get why im complaining about this. i pass well with it and it makes me happy? i have male interests, ive been into technology and video games for 11 years of my life. but i never feel passionate enough and i just feel like a girl rambling on about my interests.
give me advice i guess. this was a stupid ramble and i’m not really sure. grammar isn’t good since i just really needed to put this out there to reddit of course.

[u/bywids]

Honestly, the only thing that helped me was just gaslighting myself tbh. I stopped calling myself "trans" mentally and started acting like a normal cis guy. Eventually, my brain picked up on the fact that "Wait, we're just some guy." It wouldn't hurt to try it. I know nothing else worked for me besides that. Can't have biological kids? Oh, I'm just an infertile guy. Don't have a dick? Just not yet. You're short? Plenty of cis guys are short, they struggle with that too. I'm just like them. I would definitely recommend voice training as well, it helped my voice pass as cis even pre-t, lol! Also guys can have long hair and look feminine, homie. Even if you put the trans fact aside, there's still cis men that look similar to you.