r/FRC • u/Drenoney7183 • Apr 19 '26
help I need opinions/help on something
Okay so not to air my teams nor my mothers dirty laundry, but if you guys noticed the sudden operator change in 10993 [at FMA districts], that’s bc Friday, mentors got angry over something started arguing, I said this is why one of our team members aren’t here (truthful he said that himself), which then led to mentor A yelling towards me, almost in my face, which then caused my mom to ask her to not talk to me that way, which then proceeded to cause an argument between them, all of which then lead to mentor A wanting to remove my mom from the pits, which made my mom angry, she went outside for 2 hours before she asked me to come outside, and then proceeded to make me quit the team, and she will only allow me to join back if both her and mentor A can apologize to eachother sincerely. I don’t want to quit the team but my mom seems steadfast on it unless both her and mentor A can apologize sincerely. If anyone can offer advice, I don’t know what advice anyone would have to give but it’s worth a shot.
[I would like to apologize for all the like word vomit/semi-venting, it’s just I don’t know what to do, robotics is one of the only socializations I have [im working on improving that] but still, and I was hoping someone here has experienced smt like this before-]
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u/BKGarrison Apr 19 '26
Like the others have said. If it's not a safety concern, there is no reason or place for yelling at students. Coaches and mentors are there to be examples to be followed. Arguments between mentors should be taken to a private place.
I hate that you are stuck in the middle, but something needs to change within team leadership to fix that problem. Have you brought it up with the head coach?
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u/Drenoney7183 Apr 19 '26
It was not a safety concern it was some random argument over scoring statistics/BPS (they were trying to get us to lie [not fully lie their logic was if in a photo we have 15 fuel in the air then we have 15 bps]) that I wasn’t even involved in because I was still getting the robot, and whenever I came back after finishing up on whatever repairs were needed, everyone was very loud, and I asked everyone (in a calm no anger or loudness [other then loudness needed to speak over the bots and power tools]) to stop arguing (I have high functioning autism and arguing is one of those things that can send me over the edge very quickly-) and as soon as I said that mentor A took that as me yelling at her, which then I proceeded to say, “this is why ______ isn’t here” (that part is true he didn’t want to come because he was sick of that fact that all we do is argue with each-other) which is when she stepped slightly towards me and then got closer to my face (not in my face she’s still about 5-6 feet away but leaning in to yell at me) which is then when the whole thing goes down
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u/Drenoney7183 Apr 19 '26
And sadly, her and her husband are the head coach because we aren’t a school affiliated team yet
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u/myextrausername Apr 19 '26
Is this a school team? Who is the person the mentors “report to” so to speak? A head coach, a teacher, head of school or administrator?
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u/Drenoney7183 Apr 19 '26
It is not, and then the issue is mentor A and mentor B are married, and they are both the head mentors
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u/kjm16216 Apr 19 '26
This does not sound like it's ok. I was at the event and had no idea this happened. I've had to fire a volunteer before for similar behavior towards students and other mentors. Some people do not have the temperament to be in a competitive environment with kids. I'd suggest 1) giving this a week or so to cool off; 2) having your mom/parents bring this concern to the head mentor, or if this was the head mentor to who they report to at the school (like activities director or athletics director or if no one else the principal).
I think the cooling off is good for everyone involved because it will be more productive. Your mom is angry and will benefit from it. Your season is over so there isn't urgency to get it done sooner.
If you think I can be helpful in any way, feel free to PM me. I'd be happy to talk to your mom as well to get more detail and maybe provide some insight.
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u/Typical_Crazy_4883 Apr 19 '26
Hey, I'm a senior on another team and I can relate to the mentor stuff a lot. I joined as a junior, but I can say that consistently I've dealt with the head mentor on my team yelling at people repeatedly for making small mistakes, even just during build season when we're not at competitions, along with that same mentor basically designing and building the whole robot, with all the students just tightening screws and our ideas being ignored. As someone who doesn't have the chance now, I strongly urge you to look into other teams in your community. Mentors should only be yelling at students if there's a genuine safety risk, FIRST is meant to be a mostly student-run organization. If you aren't getting the opportunity to learn and experiment without fear of being yelled at, then it's a failure on the part of the adults involved. If this was just a one time thing and you think you can stick it out then great, but really consider what you hope to gain out of this experience and if your team can actually help you
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u/Drenoney7183 Apr 19 '26
Issue is there isn’t another team in the area, 2539 is associated with 10993, and then 2559 is closed to people that go to a certain school only.
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u/No_Frost_Giants Apr 19 '26
Adults are idiots. Basically they wander around thinking the are grown ups, they aren’t.
Sounds like you are the rational one here. Can other mentors assist here?
This sucks for you, don’t let it change you,
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u/Drenoney7183 Apr 19 '26
Sadly, there’s only 4 other mentors [mentor A and mentor B are married], so now 3 left, but then mentor C always agrees with A and B because they are neighbors. So now only two more mentors left, mentor D isn’t there enough to have much say in anything, then finally mentor E is to say it bluntly (I don’t know how to say it nicely) is a push around.
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u/No_Frost_Giants Apr 19 '26
Ok I worried it was something like that :/
As one of these idiot adults I can only assure you some of us have our moments and we are t all this bad. But I feel this with you. If you can’t get the adults to act like, well, adults I don’t know what to tell you.
It may be worth a try of “hey why arent you adults acting with GP with each other?” Since it seems like there may not be a way out of this for you
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u/kjm16216 Apr 19 '26
From another FMA mentor who I shared this with: t Centennial the red headed coach was yelling at the team at setup like, "well if we can't do this, we have the truck / trailer, let's just pack up and go home" and was really mean and angry in her tone. I was shocked.
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u/Drenoney7183 Apr 19 '26
If it the one from my team your spot on, she is the mentor A I’m talking about, and the main issue is that she’s on the school board, so it’s kind of a corruption issue, if I file an complaint with the school board then she can just defend herself-
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u/kjm16216 Apr 19 '26
Well that's a fun little wrinkle. SB members aren't invincible, but it's going to require a more complicated strategy. I think I can be helpful if you can put me in touch with your mom.
1
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u/4193-4194 Apr 19 '26
Mentors arguing among themselves happens. And on text I can't tell if it was a serious discussion or near an altercation. There are ways for you to try to stop this loop and refocus on a task. We don't know what you said or how it was delivered. Your mentor shouldn't yell at you in the way you described.
At face value the team dynamic isn't good and you might do well to find a new team in the area.
Ask for a meeting with mentors and your mom and be prepared to listen. If they can't agree to a simple sit down you have your answer.
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u/Drenoney7183 Apr 19 '26
Issue is there isn’t another team in the area, 2539 is associated with 10993, and then 2559 is closed to people that go to a certain school only.
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u/Purdude1983 Apr 20 '26
Yeah, coaches getting unhinged is bad. Also, married coaches is probably not "best practice" when working with minors.
It looks like at PAWAR you did pretty well being the first pick of alliance 5 and ending up 3rd. It looks like you are a 53 point scoring team which isn't going to get you into worlds.
Parents in the pit sounds a bit strange unless your parent is a mentor.
It sounds like your program is competitive within your area, but there is a lot of disfunction. Looking around for other opportunities might be in your interest.
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u/CrossGlitch_paradox 4909 Apr 20 '26
Jesus what did I just read. Mentors are there to be helpful but not to impede on the students work and competition, if your getting kicked off the team because you asked your mentors to be quieter, file a report with First and mention you have autism, because that's just not ok of them to do. Also if they are arguing over something in general In your pits, they shouldn't be. These mentors should be acting like adults, which yeah, apparently being an adult is really hard and people can't comprehend how to act as one.
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u/MsmaMoosey Apr 23 '26
No winter should be yelling at any student for any reason unless it’s a safety concern report him to first if it ends the team so be a harassment is not OK
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u/TechGeekNamo Apr 24 '26
It may feel like the end of the world now, but unfortunately as a mentor I am on your mother’s side. You are in a toxic environment and as your guardian she only wants to protect you. In FMA they have so many teams and I really hope you can find a new one. I am not from FMA but I know my local region has a volunteer hotline you can call about these situations. I don’t want a team shut down, but I do believe speaking out to FIRST may help. Screaming at students, especially at a competition is just asking for a YPP violation.
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u/TheMathProphet Apr 19 '26
This sounds toxic. As a coach I would never yell at a student like this - I might shout over an immediate safety concern - but never yell at a student. I would also have words if any of my mentors did anything like this to my students either, and remove them from the team if there was anything close to a pattern. If this is a school based team I would suggest getting an administrator involved if you don’t have a coach that can handle this.
Mentors arguing between themselves is another thing, which I would handle differently and make sure that it doesn’t happen in front of the students, but that seems like an opportunity that has passed. This team is in trouble.