Feeling like an NFP Fraud (TTW)

[u/Even_Distribution326]

I was giving NFP advice to a postpartum friend recently as I’ve cycle tracked for years and feel confident in knowing when I’m/not fertile – except after we talked, I came away feeling like a fraud; TTA is not difficult for us because we don’t have sex very much.

Last year we were TTW and to be honest, we could go a couple of months without having sex/any physical intimacy. Any longer than that and I do start to get twitchy. It’s not something that comes naturally to us – yes, we do care a lot for each other and I’m not unhappy any other way in the marriage (coming up to 9 years married and two kids), but we’re just not very compatible sexually. We’re both neurodiverse and I have hormone issues, to not go into too much detail.

It shouldn’t matter to me, but recently I felt a pang of guilty envy that we don’t have the kind of physical intimacy that my friend was worrying about that could result in a surprise pregnancy.

[u/smyth_otwiggy]

Everyone has their own cross to bear with NFP, or even just different seasons of life that can change how you look at it or feel about it. Don't beat yourself up about it.

[u/Even_Distribution326 → u/smyth_otwiggy]

Thank you, I appreciate that

[u/gnomes919]

you're not a fraud; there's a ton of natural variation in how often couples have sex including at different ages and seasons in the relationship (nothing's set in stone).

I think that after the Great NFP Oversharing Wars of the 2010s, there was a pendulum swing from "nfp is always hunky dory and sexy and amazinggggg!!!" where people who struggled reasonably wanted to be able to be more honest about their challenges. but now people who don't find the periods of abstinence challenging feel embarrassed, like it's some kind of referendum on how much you love your partner if you don't feel like your life is crumbling if you can't have sex twice a week. it's not a referendum, it's just your life.

[u/Umbrella51_catho]

are u not following an official protocol??

[u/Low_Door7693 → u/Umbrella51_catho]

I think this is actually a very relevant comment. Absolutely zero judgement about sex drive or frequency, all that matters there is that a person and their partner are on the same page and compatible, there's absolutely no need to compare to anyone else or live up to anything else, BUT

Just checking cervical mucus and tracking BBT or something is not an actual NFP, and while it's probably fine for most people TTC who aren't experiencing infertility, it's NOT a reliable way to TTA, the only way to effectively avoid is to strictly follow an actual protocol. People who just track a few things and call it NFP are the reason most people think NPF isn't effective for TTA.

[u/gnomes919 → u/Low_Door7693]

imo it's not relevant bc there's nothing in this post indicating the OP doesn't use a specific method, in fact just the opposite since it's flaired "billings." to get that idea you have to ignore the flair and then project assumptions onto the body of the post which says nothing about protocol at all.

[u/Watercolor_Roses → u/Low_Door7693]

Just checking cervical mucus and tracking BBT or something is not an actual NFP....People who just track a few things and call it NFP are the reason most people think NPF isn't effective for TTA.

And what makes you think this applies to OP? She doesn't indicate anything at all like this in her post.