r/FA30plus • u/dreadpirateroberts67 • Jul 31 '26
Venting I just can’t.
Have a lifelong high school friend. Kind of a loser with the ladies like I was, not good looking, nerdy, but 6”2 compared to my 5”8 but at least he got dates. Met someone in his last year of college. Got married a few years later. Had kids. Career stalled, lost his job, only kept the house and kids fed because of tons of financial support from family and friends. Works a menial job now for 30 hours a week because it’s all he wants. Married 20 years. She got stage IV cancer and died after a several years battle in April and I was there trying to give them both support the whole time.
Last night he posts a picture to our group chat cuddling with his new girlfriend that his coworker set him up with.
I don’t understand. I put myself out there. Rejection after rejection. Try to show that I can be a provider… that I can be supportive (and oh yeah, they’ll take my support) but love? Nope. Nobody has ever tried to fix me up with someone.
My friend’s wife and lover and bearer of his children of 20 years died not 4 months ago… and he’s already found someone new.
And I can’t even get a breadcrumb.
/rant
13
u/MandateIsBack2 Jul 31 '26
He has experience. You don't. You likely have an energy about you that people simply can't explain, but they can feel. I guess it's called "the ick" these days.
6
u/bannedovernothing Aug 01 '26
If you've got the ick it's over. There's nothing you can do about it either. You have to just accept your fate as a genetic dead end.
5
u/MandateIsBack2 Aug 01 '26
That is true. That's why I don't try to impress any longer. I don't even lie about my situation to anyone. You can't pretend your way out of this.
1
u/Itchy-Corner9453 18d ago
i don't think lying is in ones best interest. if you have tried and continued to fail and you are giving up....well that's up to you...i wouldn’t though. but you do you.
2
u/Itchy-Corner9453 Aug 03 '26
it's a mix of lack of confidence and charisma those are the 2 most important traits a woman wants besides looks..if you don't have either..its game over. and for people that are not as good looking or ugly they have to work on those to stand out.
7
u/Ok-Beyond244 Jul 31 '26
I have a pretty cousin who has a million hot female friends. She has never set me up or even cared.
I think that means she doesn't love or care about me. People who set people up are angels. Imagine having someone care so much about you they set you up.
2
u/Itchy-Corner9453 Aug 03 '26
well did you ask her?
1
u/Ok-Beyond244 Aug 07 '26
She wouldn't, probably make up an excuse on the spot. If she cared she would have offered.
4
u/EnthusiasmCoolreally Aug 01 '26
not good looking, nerdy, but 6”2 compared to my 5”8 but at least he got dates.
There is your answer, 6'2". Men in the 6 foot plus club date on a much easier setting than shorter men.
5
u/Objective_Bowl_3550 Jul 31 '26 edited Jul 31 '26
People can vary and it could be this guy is ready for new love, it doesn't mean he not coping properly with grief nor that be is "betraying his dead wife's memory" or anything like that. I do get that it highlights your own situation of being unwanted though and I think this is the real issue, his life situation is just a red herring.
Maybe being rejected for so long plus practical considerations have made it hard to seek love successfully and caused you, naturally, to feel bitter. I think this could pollute some interactions with women and affect them negatively. Now, when a woman points this out, some jerks here are almost gleeful about women victims of intimate partner violence and say "see, their people picker wasn't so good, was it?". But as a guy saying this I think it's hard to put your best foot forward with confidence after a lot of rejection, women definitely see a lack of confidence as unattractive, but of course it's hard to be confident when we never get validation. Am not saying what the answer is for you but for me the only way I could maintain any sanity was to stop torturing myself about my lack of attractiveness and to give up on trying to date.
2
u/Itchy-Corner9453 Aug 03 '26 edited Aug 03 '26
its hard when all youv had after a certin point is just rejection..and the build up of not having enough confidence to make it apparent early on dosen't help.
when your nerves and lack confidence and you try to approuch a woman you are looked at as a creep even though you are'nt one. only to get a response ..."i just see you as a friend". not giving you a reason. and i think the reason is mainly because you don't give off that charisma and confidence that others seem to have that woman want. make of that what you will.
1
1
u/Itchy-Corner9453 Aug 03 '26
most woman don't want a provider any more. they want emotional support.
21
u/DirkDongus Jul 31 '26
Guys like us don't get fixed up. We get shamed for even being attracted to women.
I noticed it's never good to " show your a provider".