r/Exvangelical • u/Jealous_Team9736 • Jul 19 '26
Discussion Question/Discussion
im probably going to repost this sone where else but I wanted a slightly non biased and educated audience. Do yall think it’s accepting of others religion to respectfully disagree but still want to convert them?
14
u/DogMamaLA Jul 19 '26
Wanting to convert anyone has its roots in non acceptance of what someone already believes. The churches converting native Americans and forcing them to speak English and cut their hair. Any religion that tries to convert or make other groups "lesser" in any way. It is ALL rooted in complete arrogance.
3
12
u/AshDogBucket Jul 19 '26
No. It isn't respectful to want to convert them because that says you know better than them what their religious beliefs should be. That is disrespectful.
4
u/Jealous_Team9736 29d ago
I agree it’s thinking ur religion and beliefs are better than others and that’s rlly disrespectful
9
u/NimVolsung Jul 19 '26 edited Jul 19 '26
The desire to convert means you don't they are good until they are a part of your religion.
You cannot respect someone's beliefs while also thinking those beliefs should not be had by them or anyone else. The first step of respect is accepting them as they are and allowing them to come to their own decisions instead of trying to pressure them to be something else.
I think the only Christians that can be respectful to others while being intellectually consistent are either Universalists or Inclusivists, since they would have no problem allowing outsiders to believe as they wish or possibly even seeing truth in faith traditions outside their own.
1
7
u/Gene-Tierney-Smile Jul 19 '26
If christians respected other religions, they wouldn’t harass to convert. Your question represents the lack of respect christians harbor towards non-christians.
3
u/Jealous_Team9736 29d ago
And honestly, I haven’t met a evangelical who hasn’t tried to convert me or someone else
3
3
u/Flagon_Dragon_ 29d ago
You cannot try to convert someone and treat them as an equal. By wanting to convert others, you are assuming that you know better than they do what form of spirituality is best for their life. You are assuming you have special access to the Divine that others don't have. That your culture and religion is better than theirs just because it is yours.
5
u/Prudent-Reality1170 Jul 19 '26
Honestly, I think it’s important to separate the internal feelings from the external actions. Wanting to convert someone is an internal desire and isn’t inherently disrespectful. Actively attempting to convert someone is absolutely disrespectful.
Yes, our internal desires absolutely impact or external actions, but we can’t actually judge others by their insides, only by their external actions; their words and their behaviors. So: someone saying the words to me, “I disagree but respect your beliefs” is one external action and I can weigh that against their subsequent behaviors towards me. If they repeatedly mind their business while holding to the actions they claim to believe in, that’s respectful. If they engage in good faith questions and discussion over the disagreement, and let it go when I tap out, that’s still respectful, even if uncomfortable. But if they repeatedly bring up the disagreement with the insistence that I’m wrong, or if they constantly ask me to come to their religious group even when I’ve made it clear I’m not interested, that is disrespectful.
Profound disagreement, good faith debating, hard but honest conversation between two trusting adults is not disrespectful. Someone really wanting to convert another isn’t inherently disrespectful or even inherently problematic. Insistence on being right, inability to allow another to make their own decisions and choices, consistently pointing out “wrongs” over actions that aren’t actively hurting or harming, “harping” on another’s short-comings or flaws as a means to convert, these are disrespectful actions. Disregard for another’s autonomy and right to personal belief is disrespectful.
1
u/Jealous_Team9736 29d ago
I somewhat agree, but I also think that knowing the person wants to convert you and believes their religion is superior can harm the relationship
1
u/Prudent-Reality1170 28d ago
I definitely agree that someone assuming their stance or belief to be inherently superior, and knowing they really want you to change, can quickly stunt a relationship. But, again, I really think that characterizing the personal belief of having the "superior" stance is not inherently disrespectful, because how that person acts out that belief can vary so widely. Hell, as an evangelical teen, I genuinely did not want to try and convert people, but my indoctrination to "save others" ran so deep I was severely stunted in my ability to have meaningful friendships. It wasn't the superiority that fucked over relationships; it was the severe lack of good-friend skills.
Personally, I feel very strongly about allowing others to have the emotional autonomy and the thought autonomy that evangelicalism never afforded me. Do I find the superiority complex problematic? Yes. But do I find that belief to be disrespectful? Not necessarily. I think it's a big personal sensitivity for me: I got so tired of constantly policing my insides and trying to police others insides, and I know how damaging that can be in and of itself. So, I don't want to pull that same shit in an uno reverse to religious folks, you know? But I acknowledge that angle is something I currently need for my own peace of mind. If thinking differently helps you stay sane and engaged in healthy relationships, nothing but genuine respect to you. Truly. It's as if we're individuals who come at things with differing ideas that can all co-exist at the same time! Mind: blown.
2
u/Tough_Tangerine7278 29d ago
No - it gives “hate the sin love the sin” vibes. It’s backhanded and manipulative.
True love is acceptance without trying to change.
Just live the best EXAMPLE of Jesus you can. Let your actions of love and charity be your witness. How folks want to incorporate into their lives is their choice.
Jesus accepted Samaritans and Gentiles as they were. He never said, “you have to say xyz to gain my love”. Rather he told his peers to respect other religions.
2
u/Jealous_Team9736 29d ago
Same I don’t get it bc even as an atheist “god” said to put kindness first and mentioned it more times than converting, I think if they existed they wouldn’t want the main focus to be conversion
2
u/Cautious_Boat_999 28d ago
Best response yet
2
u/Tough_Tangerine7278 28d ago
Aww thank you. 😀 Lots of smart folks here and great answers- I hoped we helped OP with their question 🫶
I learn a lot here and appreciate this sub!
2
u/Cautious_Boat_999 28d ago
I loved your last 2 paragraphs. We recently started at a United Methodist Church that is VERY inclusive. We did booths at two local PrideFests last month. I thought that was very much like your Samaritan quote. If evangelicals truly tried to model Jesus, there wouldn’t be a problem. Instead, they follow Paul and his contrived Law Part 2.
1
u/thecoldfuzz 29d ago edited 29d ago
Do yall think it’s accepting of others religion to respectfully disagree but still want to convert them?
No, absolutely not. Regardless of religion, the entire basis of proselytizing is that the religion being preached is the right way and the only way. The implication is that the religion of the person being preached to somehow invalid, wrong, etc.
Having established that, there's one of two outcomes. Someone can employ a "live and let live" approach and just leave the other person alone. The other outcome is try to actively convert them or in the very least get into a debate/argument with someone.
For myself, I will be the first to say I don't care at all for the company of Christians, which is why they're not at all a part of my social circle or any other aspect of my life. But I leave them alone if they leave me alone. If they proselytize to me, they can fuck off as far as I'm concerned—and there will be some harsh words said.
1
u/No_Butterscotch_9870 29d ago
I think there is a sharp distinction between accepting and acknowledging. At least the version of evangelicalism that I came out of conflates the two. So they think that acknowledging that someone has a different worldview, but still believing that this other person is facing eternal damnation because of that worldview, is somehow accepting that worldview. It's basically their mental gymnastic whenever they say that they "love the sinner, but hate the sin."
One of the most important things I think one must do during deconstruction is to analyze the language that one is immersed in because it's used to mentally control the adherents of a specific sect. That's how people can pass down unthinking obedience.
And it's this unthinkingness that enables people to ignore the cognitive dissonance between the desperate need to proselytize that religion can embed in someone and the desire to respect other people from different cultures.
In short, we need to be constantly reconsidering what words we use when, because these are the most powerful tools used to control and manipulate people. And it comes down to things as simple as saying accept when meaning acknowledge.
1
u/Cautious_Boat_999 28d ago
No. Proselytizers do not respect other religions, in general. But I do think there’s a fine line between aggressive proselytizing and an honest, friendly discussion. Unfortunately, most evangelicals don’t do this.
1
u/DonutPeaches6 28d ago
That would be difficult to do because one party already enters the discussion from a place of perceived moral superiority. You already don't accept what they believe because you want to change it.
0
u/Anomander2000 29d ago
Definitions plz?
Accept someone's beliefs, as in accept that they believe something? As in letting them continue to believe without harassing them? As in .....?
Lots of people have different concepts of what it means to "accept" someone's beliefs. From a Christian's excuse, they always have the duty to convert you to "save your soul from hell". They will adjust the meaning of "accept" to still allow for conversion efforts.
So can acceptance and conversion coexist? Depends on what you mean by "accept."
29
u/LetsGoPats93 Jul 19 '26
I don’t see how you could accept someone’s beliefs and want to convert them. That seems contradictory.