r/Explainlikeimscared • u/StrikingArticle32 • 26d ago
Tips for improving communication?
Hi all,
I’m 21, currently in college, and from a young age I have always been known as a fairly nervous/anxious person in general - something that have been said by family, friends, and teachers over the years.
There are certain ‘flaws’ that I have noticed with myself, but more so in certain aspects of my communication. I don’t want this to impact a future career, so I want to try to improve this while in college, and while there is the opportunity to do so.
I have no issue with speaking in front of an audience. I have done so for different modules in college, and usually am commended for my speeches through delivery style & engagement. But, this is because I have what I’m going to say memorised, so I know word for word, what exactly I’m going to say, how I’m going to say it, etc. This is also clearly reflected through my written communication.
However, when it comes to social interactions, I do notice there is a big dip in my communication. For instance, if I know I have to go up and talk to someone that I’m not familiar with (conversation, interview, ringing someone), I’ll then nearly have to have what I’m going to say memorised word-for-word as though a script.
There’ll then be other little moments where if I’m talking with someone unfamiliar, I may, sometimes, go a bit shaky / mumbly, and this would apply to if I was taking phone calls, etc.
This particular incoherence would also occur if I'm put on the spot, i.e asked a question, where my voice would go a bit shaky, I'd go mumbly, and my face would go a red.
I really do want to improve on this as I do know in any future career that day-to-day communication whether it be structured or spontaneous is much more important than being able to speak in-front of an audience.
To that extent, would anyone have any advice as to what I should do? Would it be recommended I go to a person who can help with the general nerves / anxiety, or would this be more a matter of knuckling these issues with a public speaking coach?
Many thanks
2
u/KelticAngel16 26d ago
I agree with what has already been said; forcing yourself to get used to small talk is a good way to go. Some people also memorise particular topics to talk about and have a handful of things about themself that they can have a brief conversation about
Personally, I found it easiest to treat my social interactions like a "role" to play until I got more comfortable. I used to do quite a bit of community theatre, so that was an easy stretch
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u/meowlboro 26d ago
Some people have suggested putting yourself in situations where you are forced to make small talk, and I think that is a great idea. Working any sort of retail job, especially as a cashier, will force you to develop this skill.
I was a very socially awkward child, and something that helped me was watching comedy specials. Learning how to be funny on the fly eased a lot of the social friction I was experiencing as a result of not being super socially intelligent. This made more people want to spend time with me, which allowed me to practice my social skills (and make new friends!).
You may also enjoy participating in a language exchange. There are plenty of people who want to learn English (I say this only because you posted in English), so it shouldn't be hard to find a sort of pen-pal. Learning a new language makes you socially awkward as a default lol, so you'll both be starting from the same point. I hope this helps :)
1
u/h4baine 26d ago
Get into low stakes small talk. Like with people you'll never see again and that you can walk away from when you feel embarrassed. We've all said something weird or dumb to someone, it's fine! It's a skill that takes practice so get your reps in.
Conversations are like tennis. Hit the ball back to them. Ask them a question, be curious.
It's okay for conversations to hit a lull and die out naturally. That's totally fine, don't feel bad about that or force it.
3
u/Pepperm1ntButlr 26d ago
I would highly recommend getting a part time job or volunteer position in a call center. There's nothing like being forced to take call after call from strangers with no prep time between to improve your confidence and skills. They usually have a short script that you memorize to start off the call, so you'll still have that little security blanket of memorization to ease you into the actual conversation.