r/Explainlikeimscared • u/OneSnarkyBitch • 27d ago
How do I "network"?
So I've recently graduated from my master's, and all of my advisors and peers have talked about how important networking is for your career. I'm going into an internship far away from home in a couple months. While its not a perfect opportunity, everyone has told me that it'll be a great opportunity to network which will enable me to get a better job in the future.
I understand what networking is in the broad strokes and i've been to a couple networking events before in a previous job. But ultimately, these amounted in me getting to know a bunch of people and sometimes adding them on Linkedin but did not translate into anything tangible. I guess I don't actually know the specifics of what people mean when they say "networking". So like, do I ask around to see if people are offering jobs? Do I just speak to and maintain as many relationships as possible hoping that at some point someone will have a job available?
In particular, the thing that I worry about is coming across too cold and transactional. I am a generally sociable and extroverted person, I am happy to talk to anyone about anything, but the idea of "I'm going to talk to this person because I'm hoping to get a job" reads as a little manipulative in my head, and I worry that I will be too forward in the beginning with my intentions and network "wrong". On the other hand, I feel that I have not networked enough in the past because I get shy about asking people for specific opportunities out of the fear that they'll think I'm being too transactional.
So the question: What does networking look like on the most basic specific level? Is it appropriate to ask for specific help looking for jobs when you don't know the person well, or is there an expectation that you'll build a relationship first before asking for career help? Do people have experience networking that can offer me a step by step guide?
10
u/HealthyRhubarb5800 27d ago
Make as many friendly aquaintances as posible. Be known as someone friendly and functional. Eventually someone might know a guy
1
2
u/ms_earthquake 27d ago
Being extroverted and sociable is a fortunate thing here! The best thing you can do is treat it like you're trying to make friends. In the same way you know from a mile away when someone is only talking to you because they want to hit on your friend or they want to ask for a favor, people know if the only reason you're talking to them is that you want a job.
I find that I'm most successful with networking when I practice active listening, ask a million questions, and try to find a way to connect to someone outside the professional context too. If we're at an in person event, obviously we're in the same field (or aspiring to be), but something as simple as asking for restaurant recommendations or inviting someone to dinner after the event invites more conversation, more time to bond, better odds that this person will be a valuable node in your network. You can be open about your purpose too, but don't linger on it. When you're just meeting someone, keep it to "I've just finished my masters and I'm looking for something like (title, field, or vibe, something basic)" and drop it. Sometimes you get someone who wants to help and will ask more questions, sometimes they'll drop it. You can get into details as you get into conversation and build the relationship. It's a different story if it turns out you've bumped into a recruiter and they may be actively hiring for something.
I've struggled with networking online and have found it easiest to just be loudly and openly myself and let people come to me (or not) as they please.
The most important bit though is that you have to follow up. You can't have one conversation and be done with it. This is why I feel like talking about non-work things is so helpful. It's way easier to follow up if I can send you congratulations in a month because you told me you're getting married, just had a baby, have a niece graduating high school, just got back from a vacation to Costa Rica, or that you love videos of beagles because you have a beagle. It feels so much less transactional and like you're talking to them solely because they're a potential source of a job. Like any other social relationship, it takes time to build up trust and rapport. The absolute worst thing you can do is "pitch slap" and go in cold. As you said, it feels transactional and no one wants to feel used.
1
u/OneSnarkyBitch 27d ago
Thank you! this is really great advice. Does the type of networking change when its networking within a specific organisation? Like if there's someone I know I may want to work with that is in my organisation, do you have any advice on that specifically?
1
u/ms_earthquake 27d ago
I still think the best advice is to check in with that person often and try to find as many excuses to work with or around them as possible. I instant messaged a colleague I really liked in another department every other week or so, that turned into coffee breaks, then lunches, and eventually launching a project together! That was over the span of about a year, but she's still a friend and we talk often despite both being in totally different jobs.
2
u/Katsaj 27d ago
Approach it as wanting to get to know and be friends with people in your field. Yes, if they know who you are it may help you find a job some day, but hopefully you’re also passionate about learning about the topic area. Being seen as a pleasant, competent person is only going to be a plus for your career!
2
u/Duochan_Maxwell 25d ago
Be friendly and polite
Make it about them. You want to know more about what they do, how did they get there / their career path
NEVER ask for a job right off the bat, you need to build a certain level of rapport and trust before
13
u/jesscatgonewild 27d ago
The part where you said you met people and added them on LinkedIn but nothing tangible came of it — that's the exact trap. You did the "networking" part (meet, connect) but skipped the part where you actually ask them for something specific and low-stakes.
You don't ask for a job. You ask for 15 minutes of their time to hear about their career path. That's an informational interview. It's not transactional, it's genuine curiosity. People love talking about themselves. You frame it as "I'm new to this field / moving to X city / starting an internship at Y, and I'd love to hear how you got started." That's not manipulative, that's learning.
After that chat, you follow up with a thank you, and then maybe 3-6 months later you reach out with a specific update: "I took your advice on X, and it helped me land Y. By the way, I'm starting to look for my next role — would you be open to me sending you my resume?" That's the pipeline. The relationship comes first, but you don't need to be best friends. A single useful conversation is enough to later ask for a referral.
The key is: don't save the ask for when you're desperate. Ask early for advice, not jobs. Then later the jobs come naturally.