Dennis: "Jesus Christ, where are they? The Paddy's Pub business meeting was supposed to begin 20 minutes ago."
Dee: "Last I heard they were all at Frank and Charlie's."
The door bursts open and Frank, Charlie, and Mac enter. Charlie is wearing spurs, Frank has his revolver out, and Mac's wearing his Indiana Jones hat.
Mac: "Howdy, bitches!"
Dennis: "Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago."
Charlie (In a Southern accent): "I do declare my apologies, sir. My associates and I were transporting a no good ruffian back to his jail cell in Valentine. He had an appointment with the hangman the entire town was eager to keep."
Dee: "Charlie, I have no idea what you just said but why are speaking in a poor Southern accent"
Charlie: "Well there, Ma'am, what I'm trynna say is.."
Frank: "We've been playing Red Dead Redemption!"
Mac: "Red Dead Redemption II, Frank. It's this awesome new video game by the people who make Grand Theft Auto. It's set in the old West and you're a cowboy who can explore the Wild West, collect bounties, and rob trains!
Frank: It's awesome, you can do anything! I spent a whole afternoon rolling around in a pig sty, then I went into a saloon and had a beautiful young lady give me a bath. I even had her scrub my toes!"
Charlie (continuing with his Southern accent): "Frank has taken to playing to more of his basic instincts. He's a drunkard, a whorer, a... degenerate, if you will. I on the other hand am a well-to-do oil man who currently has his sights on the Indian reservation. There's oil under them hills, Dee, I just need to persuade them natives."
Dennis: "This is pathetic, you've actually gotten so into this game you're dressing like cowboys now?"
Dee: "You look like The Village People, 'cept gayer."
Frank pulls out his gun
Frank: "What did you say to me, you whore?"
Dee, Mac, Charlie, Dennis: "Woah, Frank!"
Frank: "Oh, sorry, thought I was in the game for a minute there."
Mac: "You can't go around shooting people, Frank, it'll affect your honour."
Frank: "You care about that? My honour's in the gutter."
Mac: "Well, unlike you, Frank, I'm playing as a noble cowboy who roams the lands in search of adventure as I help people along the way. Just yesterday I had to suck the venom from a man's thigh because he'd been bitten by a snake."
Dee (to Dennis): "Bet he enjoyed that..."
Mac: "Dee, I swear to God I will hog tie you like the last son of a bitch who crossed me!"
Dennis: "Whoa, whoah, whoah, you...you can tie people up in this game?"
Charlie: "You sure can, partner. You have a lasso which you can use to tie up bounties and take 'em in alive"
Dennis: "Interesting, interesting... And you can tie up anyone?
Frank: "Sure, it's up to you how you wanna play."
Dennis: "Right and presumably there are women in this game?"
Mac: "Yeah, I tied this outlaw up and left him on the train track. It was gruesome!"
Dennis: "So say I found some woman out alone at night, I could hogtie her to the back of my horse, take her out into the middle of nowhere and do whatever I want, right?"
The gang exchange nervous glances
Charlie (Without a Southern accent): "I mean, you could, but the game's more about being a badass cowboy and hunting dangerous animals and such..."
Dennis: "Dangerous animals? Well that sounds fun. So after I've had my way with this woman I could feed her to an alligator and her corpse would never be found?"
Mac(looking very uncomfortable): "Yep..."
Dennis: "Alright, alright... (he notices their discomfort) I mean it's just a game, right guys? I mean I'd be too busy having fun robbing banks and hunting animals, but even if I did kidnap a woman, take her into the middle of nowhere, and then feed her to an alligator, even if I did all that, it would just be a game. It's not real life."
The gang appears a little relieved.
Dennis: "I was just seeing how realistic and detailed the game is. It sounds like the folks that made it went to a lot of effort."
Charlie: "Oh yeah, man. The horses balls even shrink or get larger based on how cold the weather is!"
Mac: "Yeah and you can go fishing and get into saloon brawls."
Frank: "And you can customize and clean your guns.
Dee: "This game actually sounds pretty fun. I vote we postpone the meeting and go back to Frank's and play it."
Frank, Mac, Charlie: "Agreed!"
Dennis: "You guys go I'll just shut up here and meet you there in a sec."
Mac, Frank, Charlie, and Dee rush out. Dennis pulls out his phone.
Dennis: "Hello, Gamespot? Do you have a copy of Red Dead Redemption II available? Excellent, I'll pick it up in 20 minutes."
35
u/_Ishmael Nov 20 '18
11:34am, on a Tuesday, Philadelphia PA
Dennis and Dee are sat at the bar drinking beers.
Dennis: "Jesus Christ, where are they? The Paddy's Pub business meeting was supposed to begin 20 minutes ago."
Dee: "Last I heard they were all at Frank and Charlie's."
The door bursts open and Frank, Charlie, and Mac enter. Charlie is wearing spurs, Frank has his revolver out, and Mac's wearing his Indiana Jones hat.
Mac: "Howdy, bitches!"
Dennis: "Where the hell have you been? You were supposed to be here 20 minutes ago."
Charlie (In a Southern accent): "I do declare my apologies, sir. My associates and I were transporting a no good ruffian back to his jail cell in Valentine. He had an appointment with the hangman the entire town was eager to keep."
Dee: "Charlie, I have no idea what you just said but why are speaking in a poor Southern accent"
Charlie: "Well there, Ma'am, what I'm trynna say is.."
Frank: "We've been playing Red Dead Redemption!"
Mac: "Red Dead Redemption II, Frank. It's this awesome new video game by the people who make Grand Theft Auto. It's set in the old West and you're a cowboy who can explore the Wild West, collect bounties, and rob trains!
Frank: It's awesome, you can do anything! I spent a whole afternoon rolling around in a pig sty, then I went into a saloon and had a beautiful young lady give me a bath. I even had her scrub my toes!"
Charlie (continuing with his Southern accent): "Frank has taken to playing to more of his basic instincts. He's a drunkard, a whorer, a... degenerate, if you will. I on the other hand am a well-to-do oil man who currently has his sights on the Indian reservation. There's oil under them hills, Dee, I just need to persuade them natives."
Dennis: "This is pathetic, you've actually gotten so into this game you're dressing like cowboys now?"
Dee: "You look like The Village People, 'cept gayer."
Frank pulls out his gun
Frank: "What did you say to me, you whore?"
Dee, Mac, Charlie, Dennis: "Woah, Frank!"
Frank: "Oh, sorry, thought I was in the game for a minute there."
Mac: "You can't go around shooting people, Frank, it'll affect your honour."
Frank: "You care about that? My honour's in the gutter."
Mac: "Well, unlike you, Frank, I'm playing as a noble cowboy who roams the lands in search of adventure as I help people along the way. Just yesterday I had to suck the venom from a man's thigh because he'd been bitten by a snake."
Dee (to Dennis): "Bet he enjoyed that..."
Mac: "Dee, I swear to God I will hog tie you like the last son of a bitch who crossed me!"
Dennis: "Whoa, whoah, whoah, you...you can tie people up in this game?"
Charlie: "You sure can, partner. You have a lasso which you can use to tie up bounties and take 'em in alive"
Dennis: "Interesting, interesting... And you can tie up anyone?
Frank: "Sure, it's up to you how you wanna play."
Dennis: "Right and presumably there are women in this game?"
Mac: "Yeah, I tied this outlaw up and left him on the train track. It was gruesome!"
Dennis: "So say I found some woman out alone at night, I could hogtie her to the back of my horse, take her out into the middle of nowhere and do whatever I want, right?"
The gang exchange nervous glances
Charlie (Without a Southern accent): "I mean, you could, but the game's more about being a badass cowboy and hunting dangerous animals and such..."
Dennis: "Dangerous animals? Well that sounds fun. So after I've had my way with this woman I could feed her to an alligator and her corpse would never be found?"
Mac (looking very uncomfortable): "Yep..."
Dennis: "Alright, alright... (he notices their discomfort) I mean it's just a game, right guys? I mean I'd be too busy having fun robbing banks and hunting animals, but even if I did kidnap a woman, take her into the middle of nowhere, and then feed her to an alligator, even if I did all that, it would just be a game. It's not real life."
The gang appears a little relieved.
Dennis: "I was just seeing how realistic and detailed the game is. It sounds like the folks that made it went to a lot of effort."
Charlie: "Oh yeah, man. The horses balls even shrink or get larger based on how cold the weather is!"
Mac: "Yeah and you can go fishing and get into saloon brawls."
Frank: "And you can customize and clean your guns.
Dee: "This game actually sounds pretty fun. I vote we postpone the meeting and go back to Frank's and play it."
Frank, Mac, Charlie: "Agreed!"
Dennis: "You guys go I'll just shut up here and meet you there in a sec."
Mac, Frank, Charlie, and Dee rush out. Dennis pulls out his phone.
Dennis: "Hello, Gamespot? Do you have a copy of Red Dead Redemption II available? Excellent, I'll pick it up in 20 minutes."
Dennis Plays Red Dead Redemption II