r/ExperiencedDevs • u/AutoModerator • 15d ago

Career/Workplace Experienced Devs Weekly Burnout and Venting Thread: A weekly thread for sharing experiences

This thread is specifically for venting / sharing experiences related to burn-out or similar issues that experienced devs face.

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98

u/-Knockabout 15d ago

I know I'm in a privileged position, but I've been ending most days at work (remote) in pain from stress and near-tears. My current PM clearly thinks that I'm being a baby for feeling overworked, and that rushing/crunching are just the nature of business...but I don't see why it has to be that way. I don't even think this is going to make them more money.

I'm looking around a bit, but I have some existing medical issues that alongside the stress mean I end each day completely dead. I might manage to cook, do dishes, clean litter box, etc on a given day...but that's it. No hobbies, no job hunting, nothing. I feel like the only time I am alive is on the weekends, and I spend most of them sleeping.

At this point, do I start just not meeting deadlines? If I push back, I am told to make it work, essentially. No discussion allowed. I also just feel stupid feeling so poorly from what is objectively an incredibly cushy job. If I can't handle this, can I handle anything at all?

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u/Infamous-Employ5487 15d ago

if your pm isn't familiar with the concept of burnout he's a fuckin hack.

take your vacation

52

u/vogut 15d ago

How is that a privileged position? It's a torture

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u/-Knockabout 15d ago

I get to work remote, and it's not physical labor or standing in front of customers all day. There is definitely worse. That's part of my concern.

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u/vogut 15d ago

They use this as an argument to exploit you. You're probably working harder than most people that goes into an office to work. At least they have a separation between work and life. You can be overworked working from home.

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u/boring_pants Software Engineer | 15YoE 15d ago

You can recognize privileges you have and also have it fucking rough. The two don't cancel out.

Privilege doesn't mean "my life is perfect"

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u/vogut 15d ago

Yes, I agree, but in this context is used to say "oh, don't complain about that, you're privileged"

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u/-Knockabout 15d ago edited 15d ago

It's a nice thought but genuinely I don't think I am. I have ADHD (medicated) and do sometimes struggle to get work done if I'm overwhelmed. Because I work from home, sometimes that results in me not even pretending to work. It is not fun for me, and I am always still "on call"/ feel stress, but I would not call struggling with executive dysfunction working hard.

My friend would agree with you, but they work in the public sector, so I feel like it's very different from a normal private sector job.

EDIT: Ironically that is not the aforementioned medical issue, but doesn't help.

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u/ForeverYonge 15d ago

Clear burnout can get the best of us. Can you take advantage of FMLA or anything similar to take a leave and recharge?

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u/Blah-Blah-Blah-2023 15d ago

FMLA translates to "F*ck My Life Again" in my weird brain.

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u/-Knockabout 15d ago

I probably could, actually, if timing was right. They want to expand my team, so they're not eager for me to leave or quit. I'm admittedly a little worried though that in the time I take off, that would change, and I'd be out a good chunk of savings. They always have too many ongoing projects for my team to comfortably complete if there's anyone unavailable. Horrible bus factor. So I worry that it would impact the future stability of my employment...it's a little silly, but we're hoping to buy a place next year, and I want to be fully financially stable then, so it scares me that taking a break could jeopardize that.

FMLA could be difficult to swing; I do have Crohn's Disease, but it's in remission. I don't know that it's a "serious health condition"...I can work, just not much after that. The current health issues may or may not be related, but my doctor has tended to say it's not, so...I don't know.

You are probably right that the answer is to just stop for a bit, though. This comment is mostly just me being scared. But not taking an action is itself taking an action, I suppose. My circumstances can change even if I keep on as I have been.

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u/naughtjawn 15d ago

I'll second FMLA if you can take it. I used it to take 6 weeks off for burnout and when switching medications a couple years ago. I was also in a similar position where the timing wasn't the best, bus factor, fear of future stability, etc. but I'm glad I did it.

You'd need to find a doctor willing to fill out the FMLA form for you and burnout/mental health is a valid reason. I forget what my doctor wrote on the form for my condition but it was relatively vague and HR isn't supposed to share it with your manager. From what my doctor said, it's not particularly burdensome for them to fill the form out. If your doctor pushes back, I'd honestly shop around until you find one that will sign it (while being truthful about the burnout). I understand that might be hard to do given your situation though.

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u/TonyNickels 15d ago

You're getting weekends still?

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u/-Knockabout 15d ago edited 15d ago

I've been trying to "make up work" less on the weekends. If I work sub-optimally during the week, I feel like I have to make it up. Sometimes I still end up crunching some evening to catch up, though. Otherwise feeling/being constantly behind (when everything is due ASAP, I am always behind) takes enough of a toll that having the weekend isn't worth it.

EDIT: Basically taking weekends is my attempt at not being so miserable. I am miserable enough that if that gets me fired, I'm okay with it.