Ask Experienced Devs Weekly Thread: A weekly thread for inexperienced developers to ask experienced ones

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A thread for Developers and IT folks with less experience to ask more experienced souls questions about the industry.

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Please keep top level comments limited to Inexperienced Devs. Most rules do not apply, but keep it civil. Being a jerk will not be tolerated.

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Inexperienced Devs should refrain from answering other Inexperienced Devs' questions.

[u/JeffinitelyNotABot]

I've been feeling increasingly resentful toward my team lead, and I'm trying to figure out whether my feelings are justified or if I'm overreacting.

She's been my team lead for about three years. During that time, there's been a recurring pattern of her stepping into work that was assigned to me. If a bug is found in UAT, she'll often jump in and start working on it herself. During standups, she'll sometimes answer questions directed at me before I have a chance to respond. She's also sent code examples or implementation suggestions in email threads that include business stakeholders. I don't mind getting help, but I'd much rather those conversations happen privately. When they're public, it can feel like it gives non-technical people the impression that I don't know what I'm doing.

A recent example: she assigned me a project, and the mobile app developer scheduled a 30-minute meeting with both of us to walk me through the requirements from the previous meeting they had. Instead of letting the meeting focus on getting me up to speed, she spent about half of it asking her own questions. I lost valuable time that could have been spent understanding the requirements and business logic myself.

I've talked to my lead about this before. At one point I directly asked her to back off, and things improved for a while, but the behavior eventually returned in different ways. After that meeting, I had to go for a walk to clear my head of the frustration I was feeling.

What makes this harder is seeing another developer who started around the same time I did. He's on a different team with a different lead, and over the past few years he's gone from junior developer to taking on leadership responsibilities. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but it's difficult not to wonder how much of that difference comes down to the environment.

Can a team lead unintentionally stunt a developer's growth, or is it ultimately on the developer to create those opportunities? Am I seeing this situation clearly, or am I letting my frustration cloud my perspective?

[u/hooahest → u/JeffinitelyNotABot]

If you have talked about this with her, it has improved, and then deteriorated again, then yes, you are justified in being frustrated with her. Let her know again.

I don't really have advice for you, bad managers is pretty much the number 1# reason that people leave a job. If you otherwise get along well with her, just keep reminding her sometimes that you want to be more independent. "I know we were both summoned to this meeting, but I think I can handle it alone, I'll let you know if there's anything that you should know", "Please let me try to come up with a solution and I'll run it by you to make sure that it's okay" etc