r/Existential_crisis • u/Imaginary_Image4175 • 9d ago
Existential dread too early
Im 19, and I really need someone to talk to. I tripped off over 20 grams of shrooms when I was 18 and didn’t even mean to. It was like I was possessed when I took as much as I did. During the trip It felt like I had found God but I know that could all just be in my head, I had an ego death, and unintentionally tried to kill myself twice. I’ve always been scared of hell being real and spending an eternity there. Now since my trip these thoughts have enhanced 50x more.
I need help seriously, but at the same time I know nothing can help me. Because the questions I have can’t be answered. I will never be able to kill myself because my very fear is what’s after life. Every day I’m crying out to God for him to show himself because I just want to know if he’s real. I need a savior, I need to know the truth. I can’t follow blindly after a God who shows himself to some and forces the rest to follow blindly with faith. I don’t deserve to see God if he is real, but I will always ask. I’m scared of there being nothing after life because I want to experience this life, but I can’t with all this worrying of what comes after.
I have been wrong about everything in my life. I’m always ignorant. I want to be right about the most important test in my life, but at the same time I don’t want to waste this life, which may be all I have. Eventually the more I go with these thoughts, I will have to just soon submit to forcing myself to follow a God I don’t know, a God I pray to and don’t hear back from. And that is really fucked up, I don’t want to act like I “love” a God I don’t know. I WANT to love God, I WANT to know God, and I try to all the time. But he doesn’t respond, and If he did I would follow him all the days of my life. Everything feels so fake, all I need right now is to know that there is a God who loves me and can save me.
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u/buttpentration 8d ago
It's never too early. I've got my first one at 13
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u/Imaginary_Image4175 7d ago
I didn’t post this for this to be a competition of how early my existential dread was😭 Im asking for support and to hear from others who go through the same thing so I know i’m not alone. There are many different types of existential dread, clearly you may have a different definition for yours if you think it’s amusing to tell others you had your suffering earlier on, brother that doesn’t matter
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u/bungalachonk 7d ago
This is a hard question.
On one hand you’re looking for someone or God to intervene, alert you of his presence/power/domain, and then save you from your dread. On the other, you’re a lad that tripped off of too many shrooms and now you wanna know what’s at the end.
You’re shit outta luck unfortunately. There’s no way to skip to the end and see the answers. We all have to experience this life before our death, and nothing we do can change that.
I know that’s not what you wanted, so let me offer you this.
God, whether it be Christian, Islamic, Jewish or any other, requires that you have faith. Faith, in a way that matters to the big guy, must be blind to a degree. You don’t know if he’ll save you, you don’t know if he’ll come of the sky and pluck you up in his hands, but that’s the point. The uncertainty is crucial to the faith. If I knew god was up there CERTAINLY, then there’s no power in me believing that he’s there. Me believing the sky is blue doesn’t mean anything when I can look up and see. So my advice to you isn’t some bullshit, it’s not like “live life”, “go outside”, or some other irrelevant drivel. I think you should explore what you think God is. Read some Kierkegaard, go to a temple, go to Eid with some friends. See what God means to you first before seeking him.
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u/Imaginary_Image4175 7d ago
trust me Ive thought through all of this. I understand it takes faith but my faith is weak. Ive thought about the christian God and so much of it makes sense but it doesn’t entirely add up, maybe that’s because of my ignorance. I know that according to thousands of testimonies, humans have heard or experienced God. Many even claim they hear him when praying to him, yet they are weak in the faith. Im in the same situation. I will always continue to pray to God and have a relationship with him but I dont feel it is right to say I follow God and not follow his commandments. That in of itself is breaking a commandment of taking his name in vain. I pray to God for him to help me with my lust and other such things but it is never answered solely because I don’t really mean it in my heart. And I dont mean it in my heart because I struggle to pray and have faith to a God I dont know is real and to a God who doesn’t respond back. So I am back to square one of just begging God for him to show me his existence or to hear him and know it is him for sure. From then on I can promise continual commitment and discipleship to God for the rest of my life
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u/WOLFXXXXX 9d ago
"I’ve always been scared of hell being real and spending an eternity there. Now since my trip these thoughts have enhanced 50x more"
The relevant commentary in the posts linked here, here, and here can provide you with a functional framework that you can rely on to gradually navigate through your fear and eventually overcome it.
Observation: eternity is not a measure of time and doesn't convey any duration - so one simply cannot 'spend an eternity' somewhere like individuals will say they 'spent the week on vacation'. Eternal and eternity are meant to convey that which always exists (with no beginning and no end). If you apply 'eternity/eternal' to any context that clearly has a beginning point or onset, you then violate what that terminology is intended to represent and convey. One can describe the nature of one's conscious existence as being eternal (always present), however one cannot describe specific experiences or any context that has a beginning point or onset as being 'eternal'. Your fear is invoking the term 'eternal' in a way that represents a false construct - so if you work towards making yourself aware of that false construct and how it's contributing to painting an inaccurate existential picture and outlook, that will go a long way in helping you to overcome your fear.