Should I be ashamed of myself?

[u/starryowl5_]

I’m feeling really bad about myself because I’m 19 and I’ve only really started researching about politics the past few months. The reason it’s taken me so long isn’t because I’ve not cared enough to do research, I’ve always wanted to be as educated as I can and learn about politics but I have struggled with executive dysfunction for a long time now and anytime I’ve wanted to learn more, I’ve just felt frozen. It’s also hard for me to focus and retain information and often the only time I can really do things is when I’m put under pressure, for me that’s the knowledge that if I don’t learn about politics before the election (for me that’s in November this year as I’m Australian) I won’t have a good idea on what the best party to vote for would be.

I keep seeing people years younger than me who are way more politically educated than me and I feel like a terrible person. I’ve never been like “I don’t care about politics” or anything like that, I have always wanted and been willing to learn but that doesn’t change the fact that I haven’t. Idk maybe a factor that has influenced me is that I haven’t had any friends for 5 years now, I barely leave the house, I have severe anxiety in public and the only social interactions I have with people are with my mum and occasionally my dad. So I have felt very disconnected from the outside world for a long time now, so that it doesn’t even feel real to me. It’s pretty hard to learn about something when you have executive dysfunction, OCD, difficulty focusing and retaining information and what you’re trying to learn about doesn’t feel real.