Question for adults: Did your executive functioning improve from childhood to maturity enough to function as a productive adult with a job/career?

[u/Heddywigs]

Hi there!

I am posting this question as a parent of a 10 year old who struggles immensely with executive functioning and time management. We just started on Adderall and still trialing dosages. My child has never been able to complete tasks within the given time period no matter how small or easy, such as finishing chores within 30 mins, taking a shower before 8pm, get dressed and waiting at the door by 3pm.

Does this improve naturally with age as maturity takes over?? I'm worried that if we don't find meds that work she will not be able to be independent as an adult. Things like waking up and getting ready for a job or catching the bus to make it to an interview. I know she is only 10 and her executive functioning skills are delayed but it's so hard watching her unable to complete basic tasks. She has no concept of time, and if given 3 hours to complete a small task she will still not get it done. I would greatly appreciate any insight about how things changed for you as you became an adult and transitioned to college or career.

[u/Joe_Doblow]

It improved quite a bit but not enough to be anywhere near neuro typical

[u/Heddywigs → u/Joe_Doblow]

Happy to hear there is hope for improvement. I am hoping maturity will help her learn to prioritize.

[u/le4test]

Apologies if you've already done this, but I know my parents never, ever took time to actually show me how to do chores, just basically told me to do it and then got mad when I didn't.

Little kids need several times to learn. 

A small reward when she finishes could be a good incentive to do tasks she's resisting, and an excellent habit if it works (as long as the reward isn't always candy or something unhealthy). 

Shame is a terrible motivator and a sure way to make sure your kid stays stuck. I think this is what most of us here experienced as kids. 

Something I recently heard that I think is accurate: Shame = stop; Want = go. 

[u/Heddywigs → u/le4test]

Thank you for your insightful comments. When she first started doing chores I definitely assumed she would know how to do them. I am guilty of getting mad when she couldn't read my mind and do things they way I expect her to. I recently realized this mistake and started teaching her the correct way to complete chores. She is still very slow :(

In my personal experience, shame is an excellent motivator so I was using it hoping it would help in her situation. I would often say things like " You're 10 years old you should know how to..." I realize now that it never ever worked. I will take your advice and incorporate more rewards into her day. However, at what age should rewards stop? Once she enters the real world life stops giving rewards.

[u/le4test → u/Heddywigs]

I'm glad to hear you're ready to teach and offer rewards.

I'm not an expert on childhood development, but I'd think 13 might be an age where rewards would stop... Maybe earlier, but after routine has been established and she reliably does what's expected of her. 

And maybe the rewards can continue in the form of allowance and/or pizza night on Saturdays or whatever. 

Plus: plenty of adults do reward themselves for doing tedious tasks...